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I promise, if you stay for awhile that this won't hurt a bit. If it does, you have no one to blame but yourself!
The New Big Bitch
What September 11, 2001 Means To You
I really just cannot fathom how anyone can still be thinking this way, but it happened again today. One of my clients called and made an inane comment about how he doesn't understand why he should have to "pay for what happened to the World Trade Center." He said "it's a government problem." He also said "It happened in New York, so it's not my problem."
I just want to make it perfectly clear to all of my readers in the U.S. that what "happened in New York" did not just happen to New York. Those hijackers didn't attack New York, they attacked THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. That's why kids from all over the US are in the Middle East right now giving their lives to the cause of freedom and stamping out terrorism.
Are you going to be paying for "what happened in New York"? Absolutely. We all are. Insurance companies took a huge beating when those buildings came down. They're looking to recoup their losses not only from that, but also from an economy that was already struggling. We're all paying for it. Not to mention, but who do you think will be paying for the repairs to the Pentagon? Taxpayers. We're all in this together.
You may think that because you live in Dubuque (IA) or Bountiful (UT) or Plano (TX) or even Elizabeth (NJ) that this didn't happen to you, but it did. It happened to all of us. And don't be smug. I lived in Oklahoma City before I lived in New York City. If it can happen there, it can happen anywhere.>
The Old Big Bitch
Texans and Capital Punishment
I get so riled up watching the morning news anymore, it's a wonder I ever make it to work, what with writing my congressman and all that. Anyway, today's Bitch is about this ridiculous capital punishment case in Texas.
In a nutshell, here's the deal: 17 years ago, this guy kills 5 people. Brutally murders 5 human beings. He's convicted by a jury in Texas. He's sentenced to death. For 17 years he sits on Death Row, waiting his turn to die. Tuesday night, August 17, 1999, he's being driven to his date with lethal injection, when there's a call on the car phone, informing his captors that he has been granted a Stay of Execution.
Now, this doesn't happen very often. When it does, it's usually for a very good reason. Not in this case, however. It seems that a high court has decided to stay this man's execution because they do not believe he is mentally capable of understanding his punishment. He used an insanity plea during his trial but was convicted anyway; however, his lawyer has informed the courts that he believes he is already dead, so killing him won't matter.
This is what I do not understand. What the court is saying is that this guy has got to understand that he is going to die in order for them to kill him. He can't be believing he is already dead, or such nonsense as that. He's got to be fully aware that he is going to die before he can be executed.
(ahem) hello? Does this make any sense? Do you think this guy's victims knew and understood fully that they were going to die before he killed them? Probably not. This guy has had 17 years of state-provided food, clothing and shelter and 17 years to contemplate his navel. That's 17 more years than his victims got. Who cares if he understands his punishment. Inject the sorry bastard!
Now before I get tons of e-mail from all you anti-capital-punishment people out there, I don't take this subject lightly. As a liberal, I have always believed in capital punishment, but I have also read stuff from the other side. If you're interested in a really good book on Death Row and executions, try reading The Chamber by John Grisham. It certainly made me think twice, but didn't change my mind.
The Really Old Big Bitch
Gun Control and "Let's Play War"
I can hardly wait for the one of those darling NRA members or some squirrel-shooting redneck to read this, but I'm going to write about it anyway. Gun control.
I can't tell you how disappointed I was when I read the newspaper on June 18, 1999 and found out that Congress has once again done something stupid. How, in your right mind, could you watch the tragedies of children killing children over and over in our country and then turn around and decide that stricter gun laws are not necessary at gun shows? We're opposed to people killing each other, but we're going to do everything in our power to make sure that people have the proper weapons to kill each other with. Gee, that makes a lot of sense.
I'm not exactly sure who these "representatives" are that are making these kinds of decisions,but I can guarantee you that they aren't MY representatives. In fact, these people don't represent my views at all. I think it should be made as difficult as possible for anyone to own a firearm. It's tougher to buy cigarettes these days than it is to buy a gun, and cigarettes kill primarily only the smoker!
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. --Abba Eban
The above statement is sad, but true. Take this whole Kosovo mess, for instance.
NATO is bombing the hell out of Serbia, because Serbians don't want ethnic Albanians living there. Stay with me for a moment. The North Atlantic Treaty Organization is bombing a country so that a certain ethnic group will be allowed to live in it. They're destroying a country in order to save it. Hello!!! Anybody home?
I think NATO is about as necessary as Independent Counsel. Or British monarchy. If all these men would put down their stinking guns for a little while and maybe do some talking, the world would be a much better place. When's the last time you heard of two women marking paces at dawn in a duel to the death? When's the last time a female head of state declared war on another country? Exactly. NEVER. Granted, there aren't too many women in roles as heads of state these days, but when there are, things will be a lot different. That time is coming, because eventually all the men are going to shoot each other until there's only one man left standing, and then the women are going to talk him into putting the gun down and that will be the end of that.
Please understand, I'm not bashing men. I like men a lot. I just think it's time the world had a change of heart and we started worrying more about getting along than getting ahead.
RANT #1 OCAF This stands for "Oklahomans for Children and Families" or as I like to call them "Oklahomans for Censorship and Fascism." Please click on the OCAF link to see how much I hate this "organization."
RANT #2 The Big Lie. "The Big Lie" is an excuse. It keeps you quiet and in your place and doing what you're supposed to be doing, even if you don't want to be there, doing that.
I have a lovely job, nice hours, good pay, understanding boss, travel, respect, admiration, security, etc. I love what I do, and it's more than a job to me. But lately, there have been some problems with my boss. He's going through a bunch of personal crap and has been taking a lot of time off. When he does come in, he never gets anything accomplished. Sounds like most bosses, right? Unfortunately, my office has 3 full time staff (including the Big Cheese) and 1 part time person (less than 10 hrs per week). We are a nationwide insurance agency, and we are in a very specialized industry. My boss is an agent, and so am I. Anyhoo, when he is out of the office, or in the office yet out-of-body, I end up handling all of his accounts. No big deal, except that I have two incompetent underlings (the other ft and the pt) and no one to help me out. Plus, what I sell in his territory he makes commission on.
Now, I understand he's the boss, but I'm unhappy, because I'm working 12-14 hour days, 6 days per week, and this month he's going to get a bonus for the amount of sales in his territory, all because of me (I'm not getting one). This isn't really about money. It's about there being only one Clio, and enough work for about three Clios. So I wanted to tell him what my concerns were.
I mentioned this in passing to a friend/business associate and he asked what, specifically, I was talking about. So I told him. So he gets all defensive about my boss and then starts telling me that there are worse places to work and worse places to be in. This is where the "The Big Lie" comes in. While he was trying to make me feel thankful for what I have (and I do, I really really do) what he was essentially saying is that what I feel is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Well, bullshit. I know that there are people in the world who are worse off than I am. They have awful jobs, or awful bosses, or no jobs at all. And I can appreciate those situations, because I have been there.
Those situations are bad, yes. But I'm not in those situations. I'm in MY SITUATION, and I deserve the right to change it as I see fit whether or not so-and-so down the street is out of work or my mom is working at McDonalds(tm). It's my life. And if I can't control how bad my life is, how can I help anyone else?
Don't fall for "The Big Lie." There are people out there worse off than you, but they aren't living your life and you aren't living theirs, so don't ever let anyone tell you that your problems aren't worth squat.
Gosh, I feel better now...
RANT #3 Long distance carriers. Am I the only person that these companies are bugging? They call me every single day! I've tried everything: being polite, being nasty, hanging up, pretending to be someone else, speaking only in Spanish. Nothing works! What do I have to do, start communicating by smoke signal? This drives me crazy. BTW, AT&T, if you're reading this, thanks for that huge $10 check you sent me last week, but if you want my $200 per month in long distance you're going to have to do a LOT better than that.
RANT #4 People who can't spell, but insist on writing on dirty cars. I spent a half hour in rush hour traffic the other day behind a Wal-Mart truck on which someone had decided to write "plees wash meee". It made me want to get out and correct the spelling. (Washing the truck would have been too easy and besides, I was wearing heels.) People who write things like this should be doomed to watch Barney and Sesame Street for 4 hours, and then get out and drive behind Grandma Moses with her blinker on for 160 miles.
RANT #5 People who throw lit cigarettes out of car windows. I was driving home from work today and at the intersection of NW 36th and Portland this dork in a huge ugly primer-colored van threw his lit cigarette out of the car window. It flew past him and underneath my car. I have this (OK maybe the tiniest bit irrational) fear that one day a cigarette is going to catch a fume from my gas tank or something and my car will explode. Maybe I've been watching too many Keanu Reeves movies, but it could happen right? The thing is this jerk probably had a few places he could put it: (1) in his ashtray [duh] (2) in a half-filled, mold-covered, three month old cup of coffee from the 7-11 (3) up one of his nostrils (where I personally think all smokers should put their cigarettes) or (4) in his ear, since there is obviously some space between the two of them for crap like this.
RANT #6 Men who refuse to treat the women they are dating/married to with respect. I would just like to point out to all the men in the world who think they are "God's gift" this one thing: if you took the most good looking man in the world, and an average woman, and put them both in rooms filled with the opposite sex, by the end of the day the woman would have gotten *at least* 10 times more sex than the man. Why? It's a lot easier for women to get it than for men. So why do you act like you're the only one on earth she can get it from? We women can get it ANYWHERE ANYTIME. Can you?
RAVE #1 Matt Lauer. What can you say about daytime television's near-perfect golden-boy? The hair, the eyes, the voice and yes, even the *nose*. He's intelligent, funny, looks great in a flight suit, can open jars, and is good with babies.
RAVE #2 Savage Garden Wow. This band is incredible. The first time I heard their song I Want You on KJ-103 in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, I called up my friend and favorite dj Ronnie Rocket and asked him who it was. The Savage Garden CD was released in the US on Columbia records on 15 April 1997 and I have a copy! This is an Australian band consisting of lead singer Darren Hayes (he of the beautiful green eyes and kissable lips and --) and Daniel Jones. Very talented. UPDATE: Pity the person who missed their recent performance on the Rosie O'Donnell show on 21 May 97. They were incredible, doing i want you, the unplugged version. Darren's voice was amazing, as was Daniel's piano playing and they both looked, well, Savage.
RAVE #3 Ronnie Rocket. My absolute favorite OKC dj (who now works in Virginia Beach. He always plays what I request, makes every effort to make sure my sexy voice gets on the air, and generally brightens my day. BTW, Rocket, have you worn out the tape on your answering machine yet?
Since I love it so much when my fans drop me a line to tell me what they think, I thought I would share a few of their comments with you.
COMMENT #1 James Phillips dropped me a little note which read as follows: "Living in England, as I do, I find it symptomatic of the decline of American values in the post Eiesenhower era that you should have the impetus, not to mention the time, to comment on such world shattering issues as the disposal of cigrarette detritus from automobile windows. I am sorry if this seems a harsh inditement of values in the US today, but I guess that is the influence of Hollywood media moguls (and their hangers on)."
My response: And of course, there had to be one! This is snipped from my note back (I assure you, I have removed the more controversial parts as children may be reading this page): "Perhaps instead of being entirely overly-disparaging about the works of others, you could be improving your own values and society. Derogatory statements from a limey who more than likely concerns himself too much with his antiquated, expendable monarchy and those talent-lacking, gawdawful "Spice Girls" is really of no concern to me.
For future reference, dictionary boy, here are a few things you should consider:
(1) you spelled "Eisenhower" incorrectly (2) you spelled "cigarette" incorrectly (3)a cigarette butt hardly qualifies as "detritus" considering detritus is rock material. (4) you spelled "indictment" incorrectly."
COMMENT #2 The following is a signature currently on my guestbook from a guy who was unwilling to give me his e-mail address: Name: Graeme M Website: Referred by: Just Surfed On In! From: Rossland Time: 1997-06-20 03:01:00 Comments: You Are a BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My response: Please note the use of 45 (yes, I counted) exclamation points (that's ! for the illiterate) he used. I'm sorry, Graeme, but you have now used your lifetime allotment of exclamation points (!). Try using question marks (?) or elipses (. . .) next time. Oh, and one other thing: flattery will get you everywhere!
Words that really bother me
buttload The thing that bothers me about this word is that I have no idea what it means, and I don't think anyone who uses it does either. I mean, just exactly how much *is* a buttload? And is it buttload, or butt-load? Any comments will be greatly appreciated.
UPDATE: A fan wrote and told me that this word is spelled either way, and that he and his college roommate had defined it by an article that they read somewhere about a man who had a habit of sticking things in this particular place. Apparently, the largest item he could fit here was a portable tool box (like the kind your dad has in his garage). So they define a buttload as anything that can be put into a toolbox and placed here. Gee, these people have *way* too much time on their hands.
About the Author
Cheryl Wilson is a 29 year old writer living in New York City and hailing from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. She is single and lives with her cat, Mooshie. She is a Taurus, her birthday is 29 April (all birthday gifts will be accepted graciously.)
Her interests are: foreign languages (Spanish and just a smidge of Russian), sharks (especially tiger sharks), music, ice hockey (check out the Oklahoma City Blazers of the CHL and the Mississippi Seawolves of the ECHL), and anything internet. Her ICQ number is 45328670... feel free to give her a ring!
Her pet peeves include: people who can't spell, men who think "do you have big tits?" is a good internet pick-up line, compu-snobs, Republicans, and Limbaugh-lovers.
If she weren't a writer she would be: a marine biologist studying tiger sharks or a phone sex operator.
