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                    THE DIETER'S GUIDE TO
                    WEIGHT LOSS DURING SEX
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ACTIVITY     CALORIES BURNED      ACTIVITY     CALORIES BURNED

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REMOVING CLOTHES:                 ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
With partner's consent.....12     Shoes flew off...............35
Without partner's consent.187     Expression didn't change....1/2
                                  Orchestra swelled.............6
UNHOOKING BRA:                    Birds sang
Using two calm hands........7      Large birds..................7
Using one trembling hand...36      Small birds..................3
                                  Earth moved..................30

Lifting partner............15     PULLING OUT:
Dragging partner on floor..16     After orgasm................1/2
Using skateboard............3     A few moments before orgasm.500

ACHIEVING ERECTIONS:              PENIS ENVY:
For normal healthy man....2.5     For woman.....................3
Losing erection............14     For men......................72
Searching for it..........115
                                  GUILT:
PUTTING ON CONDOM:                Despite no formal training,
With erection.............1.5     orgasm comes easily..........53
Without erection..........300     You're enjoying sex,despite the
                                  fact that other people are
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM:              starving......................2
If the woman who does it is       Sex on your lunch hour........3
Experienced.................6     Putting it on expense account..
Inexperienced..............73                                  20
If a man does it..........680     AGGRAVATION:
Add (5) calories for retrieving   Partner keeps showing plants..5
it from across the room.          Partner insists on cuddling the
                                  dog during foreplay..........14

ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY:         Partner visiting bathroom for
Italian- Man on top,woman in      7th time.....................10
kitchen....................26     Partner taking phone calls....7
Russian- Woman on bottom,         Partner making phone calls...40
Man getting permission.....55
American- Both on top......60     GETTING CAUGHT:
                                  By partner's spouse..........60
SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE:         By your spouse..............100
Bouncing....................7     Trying to explain............55
Sliding around..............9     Trying to remain calm.......100
Serious skidding...........12     Leaping out of bed...........75
Whiplash...................27     Getting dressed in one
                                  motion......................500
                                  Thanking partner quickly......2
ORGASM:
Real.......................27
Faked.....................160