Why the Internet Is Like a Penis 
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 1)  It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it
hard to get any real work done.

2)  In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit
information considered vital to  the survival of the species. Some
people still think that's the only thing it should be used for,
but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

3)  It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will
just do the same damn dumb things it did before. 

4)  It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take
this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes
it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too
late.

5)  If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can
spread viruses.

6)  It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it
too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think
coherently.

7)  We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual
size and influence warrant.

8)  If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big
trouble.

9)  It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions,
it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did
I do that?"

10)  Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be
devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have
it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are
wrong.  Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but
think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it.
Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.

11)  Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people
would just play with it all day if they didn't have work