The Spoon and The Waiter
It seems that a man entered a restaurant and sat at the only
open table.  As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table 
with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, 
pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was 
impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert 
out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off
the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save 
trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he
commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you
have a string hanging from your fly?"  The waiter replied, "Yes, 
we all do. Seems that the same  efficiency expert determined
that we spend to much time washing our hands
after using the men's room.  So, the other end of that string is 
tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, go, 
and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no
need to wash my hands.  Saves a lot of time." 

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back 
in your pants?"

and then the waiter said:
I dont know about the other guys but I use the spoon...