Voodoo Dick

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he  thought
he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while  he was gone,
because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing  someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking  around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too  close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos,  looking for
something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter.  He explained his situation.

The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will  do
the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and  so on,
but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied  for weeks,
except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man  asked. "Nothing,
nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo
dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old  wooden
box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there  lay a very
ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like
every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He
pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo  dick
rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started  screwing
the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations,  and a crack
developed down the middle. Before the door could  split, the old man
said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The  voodoo dick stopped,
floated back to the box and lay there  quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying  it
wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.  The guy
took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo  and that to
use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my  pussy."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he  was
gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.  She
thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but  then
she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said  "Voodoo
dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and  started
pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced  before.
After three
orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out,  but
it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to  get it
out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her  how to
shut it off.

So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.  She
put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the
hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo.

On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road,  and
she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license,  and
then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching,  she
explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo  dick was
stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea,  right...
Voodoo dick, my ass!"