Added: January 21, 1998 Submitted by Jay
Because of my love of organic gardening, I decided to try a new and safe approach to the
nasty corn worms I get in my home garden each year.I read in one of my books that if I put
a drop of mineral oil on the tips of the ears that worms wouldn't eat my corn. When I told
my wife about this new idea she said " How do you know where their ears are "
she thought I was going to put it on the worms ears.......by the way, she's a blond.
Added: January 21, 1998 Submitted by Dave
My best friend and I where driving from New Hampshire to Minnesota in his van. His
girlfriend had come along for the ride. Half way along our trip, we noticed an object
floating in the air ahead of us. It was still a good distance away and we could not figure
out what it was. As we got closer we realized it was an airplane, or so we thought. We
noticed it was not moving. It was suspended in the air. It looked really strange seeing a
plane perfectly still in the air. When we drove nearer, we realized it was a helium
balloon made to look like a plane for some promotion. It was very realistic looking. My
friend and I laughed, feeling kind of stupid ourselves for thinking it was a real plane.
For 3 or 4 minutes after we figured out what it was, his girlfriend continued to stare out
the van's back window. She finally came up to the front and said to us in all seriousness,
" Maybe it's on automatic pilot." We laughed so hard we had to pull over. She
never did understand what we thought was so funny.
Added: January 21, 1998 Submitted by Mike
I was at work (I work in a gas station) when this lady asked me for help with the gas
pump. She had let it run, and it had shut off (either that or it slows down when you have
20 cents of gas left to pump) and she thought that the gas pump had broke. I asked her if
she had tried to pump the gas again, which she did successfully. She said "Wow, I've
gotta get used to these things". My boss was in the vicinity, and as I walked away
from this lady he walked up to me and said in my ear "As sharp as a marble."
Added: January 21, 1998 Submitted by Nathan
I live in Gettysburg, Pa., and considering the history of the place you can imagine the
number of tourists that come through the area. Like all tourists anywhere, confusion is as
commonplace as cameras and cheap souvenirs. Here are two of the stupidest questions I or
my friends have been asked: "How do I get to the battlefields?" (hint: the
battle occurred in and around all of Gettysburg - you're standing on it, moron) and my
favorite: "Were all these markers and monuments here when the battle took place? I
guess it made things easier for the troops - they knew where to go by checking the
markers." Yeah, and all the tombstones where here before too, so that the troops
would know whether they were supposed to get shot or not. We laughed about that one for
weeks.
Added: January 21, 1998 Submitted by Jeff
After working in grocery stores for years I thought I had seen it all. Until going to a
store in an upscale suburb.The day after Thanksgiving a woman walks up to me and demands a
refund on her turkey,it seems that after taking the plastic off she and her children were
so upset by finding the plastic bullet(the pop up timer)used to kill the bird they
couldn't eat Thanksgiving dinner.
Added: January 21, 1998 Submitted by DeLayne
The other day, I was back-up cashiering when lady came through my register. One of
the items in her cart was Vagistat 1. She started reading the box and then told me she
didn't want it because she couldn't use it because she had stomach
cramps......REALLY BAD STOMACH CRAMPS. I began to feel that this was a little bit too much
information for anyone to be sharing with a cashier. I am not even sure I would want to
hear such a thing from my wife or girlfriend.
Added: February 24, 1998 Submitted by Jonathan
I used to sell computers for a living. This was back in the 286 days. One day I got a call
from a customer who I'll call Nancy (because that's what it is).
N: (agitated) Jonathan, Jonathan, my computer's no good!
J: Uh, ok... could you elaborate?
N: Well, it won't work.
J: You mean it doesn't power up?
N: No, I mean the disk is broken.
J: You mean your hard disk won't work?
N: No, I don't have the hard disk, I only have the big kind with no metal thing.
[there followed a patient explanation that a 3.5" floppy was not a 'hard disk',
and that she did indeed have a hard drive inside the machine]
N: Anyway, my disk is broken.
J: Your floppy drive? How so? Can't you read disks?
N: No, it's stuck.
J: You mean your floppy drive has a disk stuck in it? Is the arm broken?
N: There is no arm.
J: You mean it came off?
N: No, there isn't anything.
J: What sort of floppy is stuck in the drive?
N: It's my DOS [pronounced like Spanish 2] disk.
J: How come you have that in the drive, Nancy?
N: Well, I opened my manual and it said to put my DOS diskette in drive A, so I did.
[there followed a patient explanation of the fact that having a hard disk means not
needing to boot using a DOS diskette]
J: So anyway, how did the diskette get stuck?
N: I put it in and can't get it out.
J: (musing) Hmmm... uh, Nancy, just where did you put this floppy?
N: In the drive.
J: No, I mean where on the machine? It's an oblong box, right?
N: I put it in the slot on the right.
J: Ok. There should be three rectangular bays over there. Where precisely did you put
it?
N: In the slot about a third of the way down.
J: (suppressing laughter) You're saying you put it in the gap between the bays that's
about 1/8" high?
N: Yes, and now I can't get it out.
J: (about to crack up big time) Nancy... most people don't traditionally do this...
N: Well, this shouldn't be possible. This is a design flaw. I want this fixed under
warranty immediately!
J: (dying) Well, Nancy, we are a service oriented company. Onsite service, though,
costs $75/hour. If you want, I'll have a tech come out and put scotch tape over the gap so
this can't happen. Or, if you feel technically competent to do so, you can put one on it
yourself, but of course we can't warranty that servicing.
N: Ok, I'll try it. But how do I get this disk out?
J: Bring it in, and I'll find a way to get it out.
N: (snarling) Ok. Bye. *click*
Luckily for her the floppy fell out of its own accord as she was loading it in her
trunk.
Added: March 11, 1998 Submitted by Ben
There was once a man who was on the telephone with a computer/internet catalog company. He
was ordering something from that company and the operator told him that she needed his
credit card number. He responded with a simple "OK" and, after a long pause the
operator responded "Well?" He then answered "I just sent it to you."
It turns out he put his credit card in the disk slot. That's idiocy right there.
Added: March 11, 1998 Submitted by Joel
A few years ago I worked in a gas station. Since we had the new pumps with the buttons and
credit card swipers, it wasn't uncommon for customers to come in and request help
operating the pump. One day and elderly woman came and explained that she was from New
Jersey where they didn't have self serve pumps and required help. I went out and gave her
a detailed description of how to use the pump and handed her the nozzle. She then turned
around and pointed to her gas cap and said, "How do I get this open?" It was
very difficult, but I didn't laugh out loud.
Added: March 11, 1998 Submitted by Jason
My younger brother thought that Cleveland was a state until he was 17.
