The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been

reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European

communications, rather than German, which was the other option. As part

of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English

spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year

phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of soft "c". Sertainly,

sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will

be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up any konfusion, but

typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik

enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be

replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent

shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted

to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have

always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the

horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would

hav to go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing

"th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be

dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similiar changes vud of kors be

aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no

more trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.