Yes, Buffy turns 20 years old today. I woke up thinking that the day would be maybe even a hint special, and once again, I am disappointed. It seems as though once you get older, bithdays aren't as meaningful as the once were. The gifts that can be given are more expensive, or you don't know what to get them.

It turned out to be a rather lonely day. Sitting alone, listening to the radio trying to keep my mind distracted so it wouldn't think. Simply spend one day with no thinking. Not to question everything I am, was, and will be, not to doubt every move I make, no thoughts about never being the best or even just good enough, nothing. It can never happen. The only time that I am not hounded by my own thinking is when I am sleeping, and even that doesn't come easy.

As I get older, I find myself contantly wondering and analyzing everthing, not only about myself, but everyone and everything around me. Life is a constant mind game, and the rough thing is everyone around you is involved. You never know who cares, and who doesn't... Who is lying, and who always tells the truth? Who is out to hurt you, or help you? Even I will never know the answers to many of the questions until it's too late........