~After reading the following joke you will understand why I do not have a Computer and went to WebTv. I do not have a need for a PC that changes every month/week now even though they are getting less expensive, you get what you pay for, and with my short term memory loss due to head injuries,drowning and age I cannot remember all there is to know to operate a Computer~

~WHO'S ON START~

Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbott:   Yes, Lou?

Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbott:   That's great, Lou. What did you get?

Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbott:   That's terrific, Lou.

Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!
Abbott:   You will in time.

Costello: That's exactly why I'm here to see you.
Abbott:   Oh?

Costello: I heard that you're a real computer expert.
Abbott:   Well, I don't know . . .

Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbott:   Really?

Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbott:   O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbott:   That's true.

Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbott:   Well, first you press the Start button, and then . . .

Costello: No, I told you I want to turn it off.
Abbott:   I know, you press the Start button . . .

Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbott:   I did.

Costello: When?
Abbott:   When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbott:   To shut off the computer.

Costello: I press Start to stop?
Abbott:   Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

Costello: I knew it! So what do I press?
Abbott:   Start.

Costello: Start what?
Abbott:   Start button.

Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbott:   Shut down.

Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbott:   No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbott:   To shut down the computer, press . . .

Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbott:   Then what do you want me to say?

Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbott:   But that's what you do.

Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbott:   Don't be ridiculous.

Costello: I'm being ridiculous? Well, I think it's about time we       started this conversation.
Abbott:   What are you talking about?

Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

~A WINDOW TO A FRIEND~

~Don't know how it happens, or when it will begin... You leave the window open, and someone comes in.~

~You enter a world of fantasy, go places you've never been. Spending more and more time enjoying your new friends...~

~You're glad that window was open, you're glad that they stepped in... Like the window you open your heart, letting them come in...~

~They enter taking a part, making you laugh, giving a smile. Taking your reality into fantasy if only for a little while...~

~I'm glad my window was open so happy you stepped in. But most of all... I make another friend!~

~Author Unknown~

~MY BUDDY LIST~

~I see you on my Buddy List, I watch you come and go Like a light that flickers on and off, how little do you know How much you mean to me, how much I like you so.~

~And when I hear the little chime, how welcome does it sound A pretty note that brings to me tidings that abound My online friend I always enjoy you so... You have touched my life in many ways as you come and go.~

~You come with laughs, you come for hugs It matters not the least As we share each day along the way... I consider myself truly blessed.~

Tears and smiles make up your name And bring life to an unknown face... It seems as though some thoughts are the same As our messages travel from place to place.~

~When I see you on my Buddy List I can't help but Smile... I'm thankful you're my Buddy ... and I just wanted you to know!~

~Author Unknown~

~THE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS~

~We meet on-line to have a great time... We laugh and we giggle and smile at our screens. We sit back and wonder what this all means.~

~We surf the Web, we travel afar, We span thousands of mile without a car. We watch conversations flowing on the screen. We tell jokes and stories and know what they mean.~

~What are we looking for? Where's the attraction? How can we do this and get satisfaction? Who are we? Why are we here?~

~We are "The Circle of Friends", made from a chain. And we're here because friendship is what we gain! Born on-line formed by few. We had no idea just what to do.~

~So we link our pages, first one then two. And wonder where we'll end up when we're through? The circle will spread like a wild vine. It will breathe and whisper like the winds of time.~

~We are the "Circle of Friends", made from a chain. All of our motives are exactly the same. Searching for friendships all over the lands. Linking our pages is like holding hands.~

~We are "The Circle of Friends" made from a chain. A chain without an end!!!~

~Author Unknown~

~FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE ON THE INTER-NET~

~What wonderful friendships we develop on this web of our's. There is no way to explain this to folks not on-line. They look at us like we are crazy. But we know .... the way we feel about each other.~

~Some have fallen in love ... sight unseen, and when they meet they know each other so well from writing and chatting .... knowing the inside first.~

~There is also another type of love on the web that ~ for some reason ~ can never be more then the words on the screen, and the feelings in our heart. This love is just as deep and true.~

~It still amazes me what powerful emotional connections we make on the web. We express our feelings, and trust each other with secrets that our own families don't know.~

~I want to thank the wonderful friends I have made. They have been there for me when my life has turned upside down. They have helped me through some really rough emotional times.~

~For this, I will be eternally grateful. I hope I am there if they need me.~

~Author Unknown~

~MY PUTER BUDDY~

~I have a puter buddy Who lives so far away I haven't seen them face to face But I love them anyway.~
~When I am not busy I stare up at the screen And wait for little noises Saying they are calling me.~

~I love my puter buddy I will visit with them soon Can't wait to hear my puter Play its little tune.~

~Thanks for being my "PUTER BUDDY". I don't know what I would do without you!~

~Author Unknown~

~DID JESUS USE A MODEM?~

~Did Jesus use a modem at the Sermon on the Mount? Did He ever try a broadcast fax to send His message out? Did the disciples carry beepers as they went about their route? Did Jesus use a modem at the Sermon on the Mount?~

~Did Paul use a laptop with lots of RAM and ROM? Were his letters posted on a BBS at Paul.Rome.Com? Did the man from Macedonia send an E-mail saying "Come?" Did Paul use a laptop with lots of RAM and ROM?~

~Did Moses use a joystick at the parting of the Sea? And a satellite guidance tracking system to show him where to be? Did he write the law on tablets or are they really on CD? Did Moses use a joystick at the parting of the Sea?~

~Did Jesus really die for us, one day upon a tree? Or was it just a hologram or technical wizardry? Can you download the live video clip to play on your PC? Did Jesus really die for us, one day upon a tree?~

~Have the wonders of this modern age made you question what is true? How a single man, in a simple time, could offer life anew?~

~How a sinless life, a cruel death, then a glorious life again, Could offer more to a desperate world than all the inventions of man?~

~If in your life, the voice of God is sometimes hard to hear. With other voices calling, His doesn't touch your ear.~

~Then set aside your laptop and modem and all your fancy gear. And open your Bible, open your heart, and let your Father draw near.~

~By Jared Phifer~

~Love Is Free~

Download Here
Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the "Heart Systems Software Company" help desk. How may I help you? Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVEv4.0...you know.. The freeware. I don't understand it. Can you tell me how to install it?

Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and instructions with you? Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program does?

Service Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating system and runs silently in the background, you will never see LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its affect on every application you may have. It makes the good programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the bad ones. Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine run smoother?

Service Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV, ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also, FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is an external violation, including the ever- popular syntax errors. Also, all those irritating errors that say "unable to connect" will be avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the brand name, or the age of the model. Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been isolated for too long. But what about the bad programs?

CS Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These programs cant be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE overpowers those programs. LOVE stops their commands from being executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear INSULT.WAV and you wont be able to write with the fonts BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10". Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades free too?

CS Rep: They sure are ma'am. Customer: How do I get the upgrades?

CS Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running, it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every external Harddrive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you receive. But you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with other computers while it is running. Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am? Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now.Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am? Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am? Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased. Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message? Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades. Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do?

CS Rep: What does the message say? Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS". What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things but In nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others. Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"? Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this. Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART!

~PUTER FOR CHRISTMAS~

Dear Santa, ~This is Jerry and I'm 5 years old.  I'm writing this cause my mommy has the flu and is sad cause her puter' don't work no more.  Will you please bring her a puter for Christmas?  Her old puter's mommy broke a board today.  I've heard her talkin' and I know just what she wants Santa!  She wants one of em' with a great big billie goat...I can't remember what they are called but you can ask my daddy, he knows....now I remember....a RAM!  She wants one with ears hanging on the side of it's TV where the music and Ut Ohs come from.  She said she wanted some kind of net...I guess to catch the puter if'n she knocks it off.  The last puter's brain wasn't much better than mine, Santa.  She said it couldn't remember anything.  So give her one with a "BIG" brain so it will have a real good memory.   She wants another animal too.  A little grey mouse.  I guess it eats all the food she drops around the puter'.  Oh yes ..... there's something else.  She wants one of em' boxes where you put the flat donuts in.Thanks Santa.  I'll send you my list tomorrow.~

I love you Santa..........Jerry

~HELP! I'M ADDICTED AND I CAN'T LOG OFF!

  ~I sit at my computer For hours at a time There's nothing I like better Then being here online.~

~My family thinks I'm crazy They just don't understand They want me to come back to them And leave this cyberland.~

  ~I must admit, there are some days When that's what I'd like too 'Cause sometimes my computer Goes kaplooey and askew.~

  ~My fingers are so sore; My butt is going numb; But still I sit and type away, Perhaps I'm just plain dumb.~

  ~I hate it when I get the boot It's really quite upsetting I wish that they would find a way To help me keep on netting !~

  ~They told me I could see my pics Inside my email too But when I try to see them All I get's a screen of blue.~

  ~Perhaps I'll try another approach And get a life someday But then again, perhaps I won't You see, I'm happy this way !~

  ~Ok I've bored you long enuff With this little prose of mine; So I'll go back to surfing now, Cause I love to be online !~

~Author Unknown~

~HAPPILY ADDICTED TO THE WEB~

~Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy--although My boss let me go-- Happily addicted to the Web.~

~All night long, I sit clicking, Unaware time is ticking, There's beard on my cheek, Same clothes for a week, Happily addicted to the Web.~

~Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man! Don't you know that life keeps moving on?" With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man; I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"~

~I don't phone, don't send faxes, Don't go out, don't pay taxes, Who cares if someday They drag me away? I'm happily addicted to the web!~

~David Pogue~

~ADDICTED INTERNET JUNKIE~

  1.   A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!"
  2.   You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3.   You see something funny and scream, "LOL,  LOL."
4.   You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ......instead of ICU!
5.   You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days an 45 minutes.
6.   You placed the refrigerator beside your computer.
7.   You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can  have ICQ in your car.
8.   Tech support calls YOU for help.
9.   You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
10.  You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
11.  You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
12.  You say "he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
13.  You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
14.  You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
15.  You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
16.  You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
17.  You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
18.  You say......."Where did the time go??"
19.  You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
20.  You get up in the morning and go online before getting coffee.
21.  .....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
22.  Your shoes are suddenly 2 sizes too small.
23.  You think faster than the computer.   <----Not difficult for me
24.  You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ** kisses**.
25.  Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
26.  You're on the phone and say BRB.
27.  Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
28.  Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB.  Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL ASAP".
29.  You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
30.  You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.

~"YOUR NET FRIEND"~

~There is a special someone Who lives across the net That you've become quite fond of Although you've never met.~

~You talk for sometimes hours; You laugh and sometimes cry; There are even times that you don't See things eye to eye.~

~But yet you're always happy And very glad to see A message from this someone Whoever they may be.~

~And in return you share with them Your thoughts and dreams to them you send You have found what we all need- A very special friend!~

~Author Unknown~

 

~FRIENDS WITHOUT FACES~

Ode To The Friends We Chat With On The Internet

~We sit and we type and we stare at our screens. We all have to wonder, what this possibly means. With our mouse we roam, through rooms in a maze  Looking for something or someone as we sit in a daze.~

  ~We chat with each other, we share all our woes, Small groups we do form and gang up on our foes. We wait for somebody to type out our name, We want recognition and offer the same.~
BR> ~We give kisses and hugs and sometimes we flirt, In rooms we chat deeply and reveal why we hurt. We do form some friendships - but why - we dont know, Though some of them flounder some flourish and grow.~

  ~Why is it on screen, we can be so bold, Telling our secrets that have never been told? Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind With those we can't see, as though we were blind?~

~The answer is simple, it's as clear as a bell. We all have our problems and need someone to tell. We can't tell "real" people, but tell someone we must So we turn to the 'puter, and to those we can trust.~

~Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains, They are friends without faces and with odd little names.~

~Thomas Teague~

~WHAT IS AN INTERNET FRIEND?~

~Some people just dont understand... how you may have friends in a far away land!~

~Some may come from France, California, Pennsylvania or Spain... but know matter where they are from, the friendship remains!~

~Some are close and even from your home state... some are on earlier, others are on late!~

~An internet friend listens, suggests, and may complain... But no matter where they are from, the friendship remains!~

~Some internet friends have never met, and others met just once... Some have joined for dinner, others have for lunch!~

~You are my internet friend, we have a wonderful time... of the friends on the internet, I'm glad you are mine!~

~Author Unknown~

~MY SPECIAL LIST~

~I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book... and every now and then I go and take a look.~

~That is when I realize these names...they are a part not of the book they're written in... but taken from the heart.~

~For each name stands for someone who has crossed my path sometime and in that meeting they have become... the reason and the rhyme.~

~Although it sounds fantasic, for me to make this claim I really am composed of each remembered name.~

~Although you're not aware of any special link just meeting you has shaped my life ...more than you could think.~

~So please don't think my greetings as just a mere routine your name was NOT... forgotten in between>~

~For when I send a greeting that is addressed to you its because you're on that list... of folks I'm indebted to.~

~Whether I have known you for many days or few... in some ways you have a part, in shaping things I do.~

~I am but a total... of many folks I've met you are one I would prefer.. never to forget.~

~Thank you for being my friend~

~Author Unknown~

~FOR FRIENDS LIKE YOU~

~I never thought that there would be, friends that I would never see. Friends out there in cyberspace spread throughout the human race.~

~They have space inside my heart, I hope we never grow apart. That sassy gal that I adore, for whom I care yet more and more.~

~A special girl that would show me, just how special 'net friends could be. Then that big bad dude up north, who gives a laugh with a big snort.~

~A canuck that lives so near, his Canadian homeland he holds dear. And a gent from my own state, who in his hands does hold his fate.~

~A Kiwi girl with starbright charm, who'd never do you any harm. A darling lady, no plain Jane, who's kind words push 'way the rain.~

~Who would ever have thought that I'd have these friends, some 'cross the tide. Oh wouldn't it be just a ball if we'd get together, one and all?~

~In my long arms I'd hug them near, and tell each one that they are dear. We share our hopes, we share our dreams, we share most everything it seems.~

`So thank you friends across the 'net, you mean more than you might bet.~

~Nick Justic~





This is the 'Internet Police'!


You have been turned in by an informant for spending too much time on the internet!

Please step away from the keyboard and put your hands in the air! Don't try any thing funny!

I said hands away from the keyboard! Don't try to save anything...

Don't give me that line about turning off the power mister! I hear that one every day!

Don't make us pull the plug!



You have the right to speak out,

(When was the last time you spoke to a human being?)

You have the right to some fresh air,

(It does come in other scents besides cubicle!)

You have the right to mingle with family and friends,

(Forgotten what they look like?)

You have the right to move around freely,

(You see those two appendages down there? They are for walking!)

Do you understand these rights as I have explained them to you?

(Or do we need to break some fingers?)

GOOD!





~YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED
TO THE INTERNET WHEN...~

~You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act.~

~You kiss your girlfriend's home page.~

~Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.~

~Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.~

~You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.~

~You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.~

~You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.~

~You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.~

~All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML.~

~You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com~

~You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.~

~You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.~

~You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot."~

~Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.~

~You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.~

~You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.~

~Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.~

~All of your friends have an @ in their names.~

~When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.~

~Your dog has its own home page.~

~You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.~

~You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.~

~You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.~

~You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.~

~You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.~

~You refer to your age as 3.x.~

~You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.~

~Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.~

~Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel.~

~You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.~

~You don't know what sex over three of your closest friends are, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.~

~You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.~

~You laugh at people with 2400 band modems.~

~Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.~

~You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee.~

~You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms.~

~You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.~

~You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.~

~You tell the cab driver you live at http://123.elm.street /house/bluetrim.html~

~You actually try that 123.elm.street address.~

~Your virtual girlfriend finds a new net sweetheart with a larger bandwidth.~

~You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.~

~Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel.~

~You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.~

~Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."~

~You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.~

~You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 1.1 or higher."~

~You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.~

~The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.~

~You put a pillow case over your laptop so your lover doesn't see it while you are pretending to catch your breath.~

~You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.~

~You forget what year it is.~

~You start tilting your head sideways to smile.~

~You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.~

~You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".~

~You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."~

~You turn on your computer and turn off your wife.~

~Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.

~As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.~

~The remote to the T.V. is missing...and you don't even care.~
~The last time you looked at the clock it was 11:30pm, and in what seems like only a few seconds later, your sister runs past you to catch her 7am school bus.~

~You create a homepage with the impression to cure the afflicted...but your hidden agenda is to receive more e-mail.~br
~Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged on in two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISPs access number. You try to hum to communicate with it. You succeed.~

~Author Unknown~

~A CLEAN HOUSE~
 

~IS A SURE SIGN OF A BROKEN COMPUTER/WEBTV~

~TRIBUTE TO YOU,MY ONLINE FRIENDS~

~I had some free time, so what did I do? I checked the computer to see if I'd heard from you. I used to walk out to a box to retrieve mail But I'd rather get it instantly than wait on the snail.~

  ~Checking my email is always fun I usually get a joke or greeting from someone. I feel so connected because on the other end I know I've discovered a newfound friend.~

  ~When I've had a hard day and need to share Here I can find a friend who will listen and care. And to this friend I hope I let know That I am always there for them also.~

  ~Isn't it a strange kind of bond we form? It isn't exactly like the "norm" But where is it written, face to face we have to be For you to be a very good friend to me?~

  ~That little joke, or note, or even just a simple "Hi" Could be like a ray of sunshine from the sky. So my online-pals , this is dedicated to you For all the smiles you have made anew May our friendship continue to grow and the warmth we feel continue to flow.~

~Author Unknown~

SUBJECT:  Update! DATE:  9/9/99 FROM:  hubby@office.com TO:  wife@homefront.com   ~Dear Wife....I'm sending you this email to bring up to date on the events of our family.  I tried to talk to you while you were on your computer, but you just kept telling me that you would BRB.....whatever that means.  So, I decided to send you this email.~

~John Jr. cut his first tooth today.  He's the one you bounce on your knee while typing.  Remember how he giggles when he hears the Ut Oh sound?   Sorry about him dropping his peanut butter sandwich on your keyboard.  Is it working okay since I cleaned it up for you? Can you read the letters I tried to paint back on your keyboard? Most of them had been rubbed off.~

~Susie had her first date Saturday night.  She had a good time and said to thank you for letting them use your car.  She put the keys back on the key rack underneath the cobwebs where she found them.  Do you realize that she wears the same size clothes as you do?  In case you've forgotten her, she's the one who has you raise your feet when she's running the sweeper.~

~Tim is playing football.  He looks forward to going to school now that he has a sport to play.  He wanted to know if you would come to one of his games if we bought you a laptop to bring along?  Do you remember him?  He's the one who empties your porta potty for you.~

~Lets see.....since the last time I wrote you (3 months ago), the refrigerator had to be replaced, the dog died from old age,  your mother and dad painted the room where your computer is (hope you like the color), the church has a new pastor, the President has been impeached, and oh yes..... I have a new job.~

~Well, I think that's about it.  I'll email you again in about 3 months.  You take care of yourself honey.  We all "miss" you very much and will see you the next time the power goes off!~
Love, Your Husband

~THE HUSBAND~
~So here I sit, in all my glory Lend me an ear and I'll tell ya a story Once had a wife, she was such a dear, Then came the Web, and it all disappeared.~

~Now there she sits, for hours on end Don't care where I'm going, don't care where I've been It could be two, or it could be nine She really doesn't care, as long as she is online.~

~She gets outta work and rushes home, She comes in screaming at me, get off the phone! Where the hell's my hug? Where is my kiss? But she's at the computer, thats all she missed.~

~Talking to buddies, checking the mail All her priorities, I'm in cyber Hell! My stomach's growling, its so unfair No clean dishes and I'm out of underwear!~

~TIME SERVED~

  ~A woman knocked on the Pearly Gates.   Her face was scarred and old.   She trembled and she shook with fear   She was just about to fold.~

~"What have you done?" St. Peter asked,"to gain admission here?" "I've been a loyal WEBTV user, sir, for many, many years." The Pearly Gate swung open wide. St. Peter rang the bell. "Come in and choose your harp," he said, "you've had your share of hell."~

ONLINE FRIENDS~


~I have a little group of friends, As dear as they can be. I love them all, but sad to say, Most I'll never get to see.~
~The only claim I have is that When I feel sad, alone or blue, I get on line, Play wav's and chat. And maybe find someone who feels it too.~

~They give love And support, Opinions and such, Which I can take or ponder much, But...sometimes I round a bend And Lo!! I'll make a brand new friend.~

~Feel bad, or sad? Just plain sick? Got an attitude or habit You want to kick? "Its ok", your friends will say, "We've all been there before, A time or two, just like you".~

We know the ups, the downs, The highs, the lows, The "I-could-kill-that-so-n-so's". The pain and strain, Of getting through The leave-takings without adieu.~

~We've seen it all, the been-theres done-thats, We've worn all the different hats, That makes us each uniquely "us", And when we want to make a fuss, We come online and find The equalizers, The friends, who become our sympathizers, Who know, And feel, And wish, And pray, When you both know there is nothing more to say-- But an online friend Will say it anyway.~

~Author Unknown~

~WebTv was the greatest when it first started, then it was bought out by Bill Gates and this is what we have today.WEBTV CARscroll down when open Link then back to page.~

I truly hope you have enjoyed this Site, my new one is under construction at~I AM~




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