'Twas the night before Christmas eve
    in Septy's store.
Few customers were a-comin'
    through that friggin' door.

Septy tried to keep his thoughts
    full of good cheer,
with hopes that 7 am
    soon would be here.

The few customers that came in
    were nothing but speds,
while visions of beating them
    danced in Septy's head

A vagrant came in
    who smelled like rotten pickles,
to buy Omini cigarettes
    with a cup full of nickels.

But outside the store
    there arose such a clatter,
Septy spring from the counter
    to see what was happening.

He looked out the door
    and he saw the patterns,
of four drunken fools,
    and their inebriated slatterns.

They entered the store,
    Septy hoped they wouldn't dwell.
For their breath smelled like they opened
    the gaping maw of Hell.

They were obnoxious and bothersome,
    annoying at best.
And the one guy was feeling up
    his slattern's...  purse.

And a fat guy got in
    by squeezing through the door hard.
Septy said, "Leave now,
    you chaffing ball of lard."

Septy turned to the drunkards
    and bid them good-bye.
He said, "Leave now,
    or it's time to die."

"Out Slutty, out Smelly,
    out Wenchy, out Skippy!
Go Vomit, go Putrid,
    go Trampy, go Slippy!"

They left the store
    after making a fuss.
Septy said, "Go play in the street,
    and get hit by a bus."

Later Septy's co-worker arrived,
    meaning it was time to go.
Septy grabbed his coat,
    and ran out into the snow.

He ran down the street
    and yelled as he trampled a slut,
"Merry bite me to all,
    and to all kiss my butt!"