It's the season of joy and love, so let's make it short this month!  All right, it's not that short, but I couldn't help it once this impeachment crap got started.  I'm also working on the year end blow up, so I tried to keep it to a minimum.  It really didn't work.
 

Annoy-O-Index!

Old Navy:  Stupid, stupid commercials.  Once more, semi-celebrities are drug out of obscurity so that we may gawk at them like carnival freaks, much like those horrible 10-10-crap numbers.  Maybe they ought to turn Magic into a coat.

The Real World:  Is it ever going to stop?!  The show is on Mtv at least two or three times a day.  Then the never-ending appearances of the Seattle cast on other Mtv shows.  When will they catch the clue that people really don't like the show at all.  It is obvious that the each and every episode was scripted, and the cast members were terrible actors.  Does Mtv force these people to sign lifetime contracts to make them do stupid reunion shows and "Road Rules vs. Real World" crappy things?  And how about having people from the Real World as commentators on Mtv Sport shows.  People don't like this horrible show, it receives much more criticism than support, why does Mtv feel the need to cram it down our throats?  Put on Daria instead.  Re-run Bevis and Butthead or The State.  Or for my zaniest idea of all, why don't they play some music?  What's my damage?

Dennis Rodman:  NOOOOO!!!!  I thought that I was finally rid of him, he's back in the news.  His drunken wedding put him back in the spotlight, hopefully only for a short time.  Last year this time, I would have nominated him for Schmuck of the Year, but that was before the Septi-Verse started, so I just privately loathed him.  Is the status of his marriage news?  Aren't there peace talks in the Middle East?  Isn't there a military action going on in the Persian Gulf?  Gee, I guess that stuff is only of world importance, it doesn't have anything to do with us...

Adam Sandler:  Adam Sandler is in a new movie where he acts like a moron.  Who would believe that?!?  It's almost as bad as the dead guy doing the "fat, sweaty, screaming stupid guy" in every movie that he was in.  And of course, a bunch of frat boys are flocking to the movie theater and jerking off to his hilarity because he is their god.  He is the glowing beacon of mature behavior that they all aspire to.  How much money has and will be spent on those horrible Saturday Night Live alumni (may I use that word so loosely) movies?  Why don't they give that money to me instead so that I can use it to make life better for everyone else?
 

    Displaying an inability to take a clue not demonstrated since Cloris Leachman was added to the cast of the Facts of Life, the Congress continues the charge forward with impeachment hearings.  Although 70% of the populace think that it is a waste of time and money to bother investigating a President that we all know had trouble keeping it in his pants, the Republican dominated Congress feels the need to press forward and do what only two other Congresses have tried.

    Why do I care if Clinton is canned or not?  He's lied and double-crossed not just the gay and lesbian community (which pisses me off because most of the people "in charge" of the gay and lesbian community are still nothing but unabashed sycophants to the president even after betrayed us time and time again.  But I'm not bitter) he's hoodwinked an entire nation.  But is lying a reason to throw a politician out of office.  Read my lips, no.  "This isn't about sex or lying, it's about abuse of power."  But it sure isn't an abuse of power for the Congress to try to get rid of someone who is of the opposing party as they are, that's fine and dandy.  I'm sure this is exactly what the founding fathers had in mind when they drafted the Constitution, someone was probably thinking up the idea of impeachment when he were having sex with one (or more) of his slaves.

    So why shouldn't the President be impeached?  First off, this is a bad precedent for a Congressional power.  The first two times that impeachment had been attempted was for treason and felonious actions respectively.  This action may make it easier for future Congresses to be able to use impeachment as a tool to remove a President that they don't agree with politically, destabilizing the balance of power that was considered necessary by the founding fathers.  How will history judge

    Secondly, there is the matter of the economy.  A great number of countries in the world  are in recessions and depressions, yet the United States has somehow managed to avoid this.  When the presidential debate heated up the last time, our economy suffered horribly.  (Although I still argue that our economy is shit since the vast majority of jobs out there are low paying service industry jobs, but what do I know.  With this argument, I'm using the stock market as a guide.)  If people don't have confidence in their government's ability to lead, they lose confidence in the economy.  Many economic indicators seem to suggest that we are heading for a recession.  If the President is thrown out of office, especially since most Americans oppose such an action, confidence will drop, and so will the economy.

    Thirdly, how will this effect the private lives of politicians.  You'd have to be either naive or insane to say that most (or all) of the people in the Congress (and he Judiciary, and the Executive offices) don't have skeletons in their closets.  Those little secrets that they would lie and have lied about to get where they are.  How many people are absolutely honest about their sex lives, and heaven knows if you want to doom a politician, just mention kinky sex, or, oh my stars and garters no, homosexuality.  Back room deals, a little grease on the palms, "do what I say or else I'll tell the world your dirty little secret" could easily become even more dangerous once people could get kicked out for having homosexual, non-coital, or non-missionary sex.

    But I'm just overreacting.  This couldn't possibly lead to which hunts, McCarthyism is dead.  Isn't it?  Oh, and one last reason not to get rid of Clinton.  I'd say it is the most compelling of them all.  President Gore.  Just think about that for a little while.

Love Thy Neighbor, Unless You Really Don't Feel Like It.

    In the spirit of the holidays, don't forget to spit on everyone who walks by.  And please yell at everyone who isn't Christian and doesn't celebrate Christmas, because they deserve it.  And of course we mustn't forget to go to church one of the two times a year.  And if you don't get the present that your kid wants, he or she will be a outcast, wear Marilyn Manson shirts, put on all black make-up, and hate you forever.  And don't forget to spend beyond your means and sink deeper into the pit of bad credit.  At the stores, please be really inpatient with the clerks who are working 80 hours a week just so you can consume mindlessly, scream at them because it is their fault that there are no Furbys left simply in an attempt to ruin your Christmas; then threaten to get them fired from their minimum wage jobs, 'cause that's what Jesus would do.  Eat way too much and throw away the leftovers.  Burn the gift wrap, then bake the ashes into bricks that you can later chuck at endangered species.  Cause a traffic jam, of better yet an accident involving the elderly, or small children.  Keep your kids up for 30 hours straight, put them in uncomfortable clothes, give them lots of liquids, spin them around a few times, and then set them on the mall Santa's lap for extra excitement.  Watch some football, then beat your wife mercilessly when your team looses.  Slash your neighbor's tires, because those bastards think that they are better than you.  Tease little dogs.  Steal other people's Christmas decorations.  Go to the video store and take a magnet to every copy of It's a Wonderful Life.  Throw molotov cocktails at passing floats at the parade.  Get rip-roarin' drunk, call your mom, and tell her everything that she ever did wrong, 'cause she needs it, that stuck up bitch.  Pick up Grandma from the retirement home, drive her around for a while, then kick her out to wander in the snow drifts.  Hang out side elementary schools and tell all the little kids that Santa is dead, and don't forget to have a friend dress up in a Santa suit and pose for gory crime scene photos for extra trauma.  Pledge money to PBS, then write them bad checks.  Spice up the company Christmas party by putting grain alcohol in the egg nog, then watch the fall out; it's also great for A.A. meetings.  Go to children's movies and yell out the endings within the first ten minutes.  And most of all, have yourself a merry little Christmas.