Annoy-O-Index!

Are you an Un? Original?  "Drink our soda so you won't be a poser like everyone who drinks those 'popular' brands."  If you are an "un", then it means that you should be extra stereotypical, and there is a vast conspiracy of old, white dudes trying to keep you from the "uncola".  7-Up's marketing sure is un.  Appealing, intelligent, and amusing.  "So don't follow the crowd like everyone else, follow our marketing representatives and drink our soda."  Much like Sprite's "obey your thirst" campaign.  Obey our famous rappers and cartoon lions.  Yes, even Voltron has sold out to Sprite.  It is just a symptom of the condescending attitude of marketers that people are so stupid that they will fall for the "don't you just hate advertisements, we're not an advertisement like those people, you can trust us" gimmick.

History can be unpleasant?!:  The tourist attraction of Colonial Williamsburg has just added something that has been missing from its streets for hundreds of years.  African-americans. Now there are reenactments of clashes between slaves and the colonists stemming from a proclamation from the king saying that any slave that stood against the colonists in the War of Independence would be freed.  Some people find this reenactment to be unpleasant. Who would have imagined that slavery wasn't a fun old time?  It's nice to know that some people don't feel the need to sugar-coat history, to show it, warts and all.
 
 

Love Thy Neighbor, Unless You Really Don't Feel Like It Volume II.

    As Christmastime fills your heart with a warm glow, remember to care about the less fortunate for all of 10 minutes, since it is the season to pretend to be a better person than you really are.  As you walk by the Salvation Army workers ringing their bells and collecting for charity, don't forget to throw your used gum in their collection bucket, the poor would like to have some gum this holiday.  And don't forget to spoil your children by getting them everything that they could possibly want and more for Christmas, so they can grow up to be as selfish and self-centered as they possibly can.  And during this season of love and joy, don't forget to instill in your children a fear and hatred for anyone who is not like them or anything that is strange or unfamiliar.  Count your blessings by making fun of those who have less than you, you'll feel better about yourself and your children will love you more for it.  Reflect on all of the tragedies that have happened this year, and remind yourself that nothing like that could possibly happen in your white, middle-class neighborhood, therefore insulating yourself from anything bad happening.  Demand that the government bring back stocks and floggings in the town square to keep the unruly rabble in line.  Urinate on someone else's Christmas tree, because given the same opportunity, they'd do it to you.  Go to the mall, and try on a bunch of clothes to keep a clerk busy trying to get a commission, then walk out of the store not buying a thing, while laughing at that sucker sales associate.   While you are there, break into the controls for the miniature railroad that the children ride on, then jack the speed up all the way so it derails, hopefully severely mangling a few of those brats, 'cause your kids act so much better.  Take a crap in a box, then send it to one of your exlover to show them what they're missing.  Invite everyone that you hate to a Christmas party, and when everyone gets there set the place on fire for some extra cheer.  As you walk through the winter wonderland, kick over a snowman, then kick the kids who are making it- kick their dog too, just for good measure.  Commit adultery, steal something, then kill someone; try to break as many commandments as you can, and when you're done start over from the top.  Panty shields make a great stocking stuffer for kids of all ages.  Break into your neighbor's house and steal all of their Christmas presents and decorations, and leave a note for them signed "the Grinch".  Who says that eggnog doesn't have arsenic as an ingredient?  Grope a secretary, then threaten his or her job, 'tis the season.  But most of all, have yourself a merry little Christmas, and a happy New Year.