On Crime...
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC."I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."-- David Dinkins New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
On Death, Reincarnation, and Welfare...
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
On Good-looking Men...
Assholes are almost always usually good-looking. I mean, almost always. --Michelle, my friend while talking about sexy sexist guys
On Hardcore Smut...
“Pornography is hard to decide, but I know it when I see it.” --Unknown Senator
On Human Insignificance...
“What we’re eatin’ here is a big slice of humble pie.” --Mr. Bill Rigsbee, my senior year Humanities teacher while lecturing about Darwin’s observations of the world
On IHOP's "Lumber Jack Slam"...
"It's got the perfect amount of everything you need." --JoeC, my friend and boss
On Land Rights...
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne
On Language Barriers...
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study my Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." --Dan Quayle, VP
On Life...
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest."The loss of life will be irreplaceable." --Dan Quayle, VP
On Mathematics...
"A billion is nothing compared to a billion squared. A billion squared is a billion times as big as a billion." -- Mr. Dowdy, Pre-Cal teacher at my high school
On Misguidence...
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
On Recovery...
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
On Personal Opinions...
"I have opinions of my own -strong opinions- but I don't always agree with them." --George Bush, US President
On Politics...
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." -- A congressional candidate in Texas.
On Polution...
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
On Prejudices...
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
On Sucess...
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
On Smoking...
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.
On Sports...
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark
On Third World Countries...
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey