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I lay here in the dark, listening to the sounds from the night comming through my window. I should be asleep at this time of night, but thoughts in my head torchure me and keep me awake. Out of nowhere I feel the urge to get up and leave. So that's exsactly what I do.
I get up and throw on my pants and a sweatshirt, grab my hat and head out the door. I don't know why I left, but I felt something telling me I needed to.
An un earthly wind blows around me that chills my skin. I put my hands in my pockets and continue walking. It's too late for the street lights to be on, so the road is dark and the only thing I can see is the shadow outline of the cars on the street and the houses that line each side.
The thought of you enters my head. Of the many times we've walked together on nights like this. Nights we've held eachother close as we lay in bed after just making love. Talking about our future together. We would talk continuously untill the sun came up.
I yearn for days like that again. To be near her. To hold her close to me once again. To feel her breath and her soft skin.
The wind picks up and I close my eyes. When I open them, I am standing in a deserted park. I know this park. It's the same park where I first saw her beautiful face. The same park where I first kissed her and told her I love her. Where I got down on my knee and asked her to spend her life with me.
I walk over to the same bench we used to sit on and talk as we ate ice cream and watched the children play. I put my head in my hands and begin to cry. Suddenly I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. I look up, but there is no one there. I stand up and look around. It must have been my imagination. I walk over to the swings and sit down on the worn black seat. I start to swing. As I go higher, I start to feel someone pushing me. I jump off the swing and turn around. I see an outline of a women's body. I step back. "Who's there?" I call out.
The figure whispers my name. "How do you know my name?" I ask.
"I love you," she says as she steps forward to reveal her face.
"It can't be," I whisper.
"It's me," She says.
It is her. I run to her and pick her up in my arms. I close me eyes and hold her in my arms. "I've missed you so much," I say.
We continue holding eachother. I bury my face into her neck and begin to cry. She pulls me away to look at my face. "Why are you crying? she asks, "this is what you wanted."
"I know," I say "but I know it isn't real."
A sad look comes to her face because she knows I'm right. "I'm sorry," she says "this is the best I can do."
I put my hand on her cheek and look deeply into her brown eyes. "Why did it have to be like this?" I whisper, "you should be here with me, I wasn't suppost to loose you so soon. We had so much to look forward to."
She puts her hand over mine and looks at me with pain and sadness. "I'll always be with you. In your dreams and in your heart I live on. We'll be together someday."
I pull away from her and turn around. "I can't live with the pain of living without you. It hurts too much."
She wraps her arms around my waist and her chin on my shoulder. "It will go away in time. You will find someone new and fall in love again. You will live a long happy life and when the end comes for you, I will be there to stand by your side for eternity."
"I don't want anyone but you. I can't live a life without you. I WON'T live without you," I say as I walk to the bench and sit down.
I close my eyes and brush the hair out of my face as I take off my hat. That strange wind picks up again. I open my eyes and look to where she was standing. Instead of seeing her, I am looking out over a large cliff. I stand up and walk to the edge. I wonder how I got here, but then her face flashes in my mind. The thought of spending a lifetime without her makes my heart ache.
I look out over the cliff for the second time. I close my eyes and put one foot forward. I feel the nothingness under my foot. Suddenly, that strange wind pushes me forward and I start to fall. I am not afraid. I don't scream. I just fall.
I'm shaken awake and quickly sit up in my bed. I sit there in a cold sweat and stare at the twisted sheets. I slowly get up and walk to the bathroom. I turn on the faucet and throw water on my face. I look into the mirror and look at the old, worn face that stares back. I walk back to the bedroom and crawl back into bed. I lay there thinking about my dream. It's been almost 40 years since she died and I'm still having nightmares about it.
I close my eyes and fight for sleep. A sudden numbness falls over me. Everything is dark.
She grabs my hand and I stand by her side. I've been waiting for this day for 40 years.
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