 |
March 16, 2000 |
|
I went to workout today. It was the typical kickboxing session followed by
weight machines. It was mostly uneventful, save the one guy that moved
immediately next to me when we did the kicking drills. He kept getting in
the way of my back kicks. I almost wanted to kick him. Well, not really,
but he did manage to irritate me a little.
I called Pam after my workout today. She's
displeased with her current job and has been looking for another one. She
had a phone interview with, actually, my company today. Not really
surprising, since my company employs thousands of people, and she's
incredibly talented. I think it is only a matter of whether or not it is a
good match.
It seemed to go well, and they're getting together to exchange further
information. It sounds promising.
We talked more about what we'd be doing on Saturday. Since I normally work
out on both Saturday and Sunday, I suggested we get together in the
afternoon. We have dinner plans with Trudy and her husband, in the
evening. It is going to be fun finally introducing Pam as my girlfriend. Otherwise, we'll just play it by ear.
I'm looking forward to it.
I got mail from Kymm. Okay, technically, it wasn't mail from her. She's the ringmaster for the Open Pages and I got notified that I was added to the webring. [Woo Hoo!]
It's funny, there's a fairly big online journaling community out there. I suppose that I'm still a lurker. Maybe this will be a start to my finally participating. Maybe this is my license to write and until now I've only had a temporary pass. There's a part of me who didn't want to really participate until this. Maybe there's a part of me that felt that I would be kissing up before this. I'm not sure precisely what it was.
I have very resentful memories of my sister and the way she would endear herself to her teachers in high school, and later in life, her supervisors. I suppose that maybe I saw her as somewhat unscrupulous. Why was she kissing up to ones what would judge her? To be fair, I'm not sure how aware she happens to be about it; we have never talked about it. To a large degree, I've spent too much of my life overcompensating, staying very distant from teachers, professors, bosses, and managers. Maybe it's time I eased up.
Okay, I know the requirements for Open Pages are mostly inclusive, and I know that this journal happens to meet them. Still, it is an exciting day for me. When I first started writing this journal, I had little clue if I could maintain it. I applied for membership to this webring while I was writing in a vacuum and feared that writing this way might be an incentive to quit.
Sometimes, I wonder about it. At what point will I start to feel exposed? When will I get tired of writing? When will my life become just plain boring? What about the privacy of the people close to me? There are many questions that roam my head while I write. I mostly just play it by ear.
Somehow knowing that there might be people out there reading my words will be enough to maintain it for a while. I remember when I originally thought about being a novelist. It's not about the lifestyle or the prestige or the money or any of it. I remember how those words I read moved me, and I hoped to someday be able to do this. There are some other reasons. I have to ponder them. One of these days, I'll share. Promise.
You'll just have to deal with me while I get the hang of this.
March 16, 2000