January 4, 2001

The only thing I had definitely planned today was dinner, and this was dinner with my long time friend, Suzanne. The plan was to meet at a Cracker Barrel in North Broward. It did make my trip considerably easier, since it was considerably closer, but there was a part of me that was also disappointed that I wouldn't be driving down to Miami. It's the entire obsession with driving… Ya know!

She would be arriving with her long time boyfriend, Amado. They have been together for what must be about five years. They seem happy and they're always together whenever I see her these days, which unfortunately is not very frequently. They have gotten to the stage where they almost seem to be completing each other's sentences. It's a comfort zone where they don't even seem to be aware of how alike they've become. It's a bit endearing in a way.

I arrived a few minutes before they did. The one instrumental difference between Cracker Barrel restaurants and most other restaurants is that they're separated into the restaurant portion and an "Old Country Store". It's not a bad place by any means, although they sell many many things that, though interesting, are things that I have little interest in getting. I wound up getting a beanie baby of a pig for Pam and a postcard, which I would mail her while I was still in Florida, telling her how nice it was to be here with her.

When Suzanne and Amado arrived, I felt a bit apologetic when meeting her. I had promised to try to help on a software project she wanted and I wasn't able to get it done. My life has been very busy over the last few weeks and it was simply something I was not able to get to. She didn't seem to be all that concerned about it. Though I really didn't figure that she would be, I still didn't feel right. A promise is a promise after all, and a man (or person) is only as good as his/her word.

Being an engineer as well, Suzanne also works with computers. We talked shop for a little while. I went into some detail about my entire situation at work, which currently is not very pleasant, but I'll elaborate on that at some other point. I suppose that it's a bit funny. Suzanne and I met during the time in college where one is between the threshold of "goofing off" and developing an honest interest in the field. Not to say that we spent much time goofing off; we did, naturally, but that's beside the point. It's just that we were both the dedicated engineers and the playful college students. I can't help but to picture her as the practical joker of years past, and I would imagine that she feels the same.

As silly as this sounds, I felt a little more comfortable. The last time I had dinner with her a few years ago, I was still unattached. Although Pam is not here with me tonight, it made me feel a little more at ease that I had someone special in my life. Not so much because I had anything to prove to Suzanne, more because seeing her with Amado served to remind me that I was alone, and maybe there was a little voice in the back of my head that wondered why.

As we talked, we marvelled about the time that has passed… Ten Years! Chronologically, that's just the facts. I left Miami nearly ten years ago, on July 1991. It really doesn't seem that long. In fact, Suzanne initially guessed at about five years. Maybe we haven't changed all that much. After all, I'm still a stubborn smart ass and she's still pretty much the same person I knew, except much busier. Suzanne has always been the toughest in our group to track down. She travels frequently on business and her family is always in town during the holidays, which makes getting together with her a bit of a chore. So it would stand to reason, that by seeing such a wide gap of years, we might see more changes.

Being with her reminds me of that person I was, when I still didn't have many cares in the world. When our future was planned for the span of months with classes and then years with study, and anything beyond that was of little consequence. I remember how our group of friends made me feel back then. In each of our own ways, we cared and protected each other. In some ways I felt secure and safe.

I miss that.

Back then, it seemed that we would always be friends. That somehow friendship was enough to overcome the distance and that our relationship simply would not change. Or at least that's how I felt. Yeah, it was a bit naïve. Sheer will is not enough to overcome 3000 miles.

I won't say that we're no longer friends, because somehow I know that we will always be friends. However, people change. It's just the forces of nature. Maybe it's better that we drifted apart while we were thousands of miles away. It made the excuses convenient.

The simple truth is that it was a time in my life that I treasure, for the friendships, for the freedom, maybe even for the innocence. The things you remember are the people and the places, because they're the things that have permanence. I think it is human nature to want to preserve things. We want to capture those memories. We hope that either mementos or people can somehow contain these moments. As silly as this sounds, it took me some time to realize that these moments disappear the moment they pass. A moment by definition describes time. Time is the only thing we can't save or preserve; you can't hope to buy it, freeze it in a box, or marry it. It simply continues to run relentlessly while our lives go ticking by. Memories are simply snapshots of life.

I'll be the first one to admit that I miss my friends and I miss Miami. I have to remind myself that those are just memories, and if or when I decide to return that life cannot be the same.

Hey, I'm stubborn. I'll die trying. [Insert evil laughter here…]

January 4, 2001