I
have liked this guy for almost 2 years. He is my best friend's
cousin not to mention that his mom's friend is my also mom's friend.
So when my mom's friend has stupid little parties and I have to
go, I see him there. I think he looks so good, and I like him
a lot, but I don't see him much because he lives across town and
we go to different schools. I told my best friend all this and,
at first, she called him and asked if he liked me. He would not
answer her, but she said that she thought he liked me. So then
he saw her on Christmas, and I don't know what happened exactly
(I haven't talked to her much since then, because she went out
of town), and she said she was not sure if he liked me. I can
tell he is one of those players, and he would make out with a
girl, and then never call her again. Anyway, on New Year's Eve
(in a couple days!) I'll see him and we will spend the turn of
the millennium together. I think he will want to kiss me on New
Years, and I want to kiss him but, if I do, I know I'll expect
him to call me, or us to go out, even though I know that won't
happen. I just don't want to get hurt but, then again, I really
want to make out with
him on New Year’s.---Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
This is a tough situation to be in, knowing that the person you’re into is definitely not the right guy. However, you don’t know that for certain. Perhaps you’re the girl who is going to make him realize that he loves only you and doesn’t want anyone else. That, though, is a nice dream but may not be true. Some people cannot change. Anyway, I would suggest not making out with him, like you want. If you really are this devoted to him, right now, then chance a short kiss, but don’t make it excessive. I have a feeling that this is a real “Should I stay or should I go?” type of thing, so not doing anything will probably drive you mad. You’ll be thinking that you had the chance and you didn’t take it, but you really need to look out for yourself, so you should try not to get too entangled in him---especially since you don’t see him much and it would be easy for him to ignore you after New Year’s Eve. As with all the people I advise, it’s all up to you. If you feel that it will drive you crazy if you don’t act on this chance to kiss him, kiss him, but make sure it’s quick and short so that it’s not the type of thing that will leave you waiting for more. Be very careful; you don’t want to get hurt. ---Me
Dear Me,
Hi, my name is kristel. I need advice. Okay, here's the story: I'm going out with this guy and I'm not sure if I should break up with him because we barely talk. In school, we say, "Hi," and, "What's up?" and that's it. No hug, and we don't even talk on the phone. I don't know what to do because, for me, communication is the foundation of a relationship, and that's what my boyrfriend and I don't have. what should I do? Should I break up with him? Write back A.S.A.P. Thanks. ---Kristel
Dear Kristel,
Okay,
this is a hard one. It's not hard because it's a difficult one
to
answer, but it is a hard one because I know what you must be feeling.
It is always painful to discover that the person for whom you
care does not share your feelings, or even, if he/she does, that
he/she does not express them in the way that you want him/her
to. Now then, first of all, don't break up with this guy just
yet, unless your feelings for him have dissipated. If that is
the case then, by all means, end it now instead of letting it
drag on. However, if you still have strong feelings for this guy,
then you should first talk to him about the situation. Sit him
down and actually explain to him what you have observed about
your relationship, and tell him how you feel about it. Make him
understand the problem. There is a chance that he doesn't see
what's going on, or maybe he's just really shy. Obviously, there's
always the possibility that something has gone wrong in the relationship,
or that he has lost his feelings for you, etc., but, for now,
try to concentrate on the positive side of it. If his response
to such a conversation is not adequate, i.e. he doesn't seem to
care, then I would suggest leaving him right then and there; you're
wasting your time. If he seems sincerely sorry, and wants to make
an effort to fix things, then it might be worth it to just hold
out a little bit longer, just to see what happens as a result
of the talk. If, after that little bit longer, things still don't
change, and you're still this unhappy, leave him. After all, by
that time, you will have already warned him. If he's upset about
it, it's his own fault, really. You're right; communication IS
the most important part of a relationship. Without it, there is
NO relationship. I hope everything goes well for you. Let me know
what happens. Good luck! ---Me
Dear
Me,
My name is Richard, and my girlfreind is playing with her friends
(girls) in sexual ways. I don't know if I should break up with
her. Everyone thinks I'm weird because I'm not jumping in with
them. She says it's nothing, but I think that it's cheating. What
should I do? ---Richard
Dear Richard,
Okay,
first of all, don't worry; you're not weird for not wanting to
join their little escapades. You simply are not into that sort
of thing, and others should respect your own taste. No one is
the same, so they should not be judging you like that. Tell them
that, the next time they tease you for it. Secondly, I agree with
you; it is cheating. A lot of people are split on that issue,
because they claim that messing around with people of the same
sex is different, but I think those who say that are really the
ones doing the messing around, and they use that as an excuse
for their behaviour. It doesn't matter what the gender; she is
having sexual encounters with someone else, other than you, and
that is not right at all. To make matters worse, she doesn't seem
to understand why you're so upset about it. To me, this sounds
as if 1) she has no clue what she's doing, really, and 2) she
is not in tune with you, at all; she is not respecting you the
way that she should, and she is taking your feelings for granted.
Yes, get out of this relationship at once! This is not even just
a matter of her messing around behind your back; it's representative
of a clash in personalities that cannot be mended, at this time.
To avoid abuse, you really should explain this to her and end
it, soon, and find someone who does respect you the way that you
deserve to be respected. ---Me
Dear Me,
I have a problem and I am not sure how I should handle it; I need some advice. There is this guy that I have liked, all year, and he finally asked me out, and we went out for about 3 weeks, and he broke up with me because he says "we are better friends." Well, we ended up going out, again, but he broke up with me a second time, saying that he doesn't want a girlfriend, right now. He says he still likes me a lot, and talks about if we ever kiss again. I don't know if I should ever plan on getting involved with him because he has broken up with me twice. I know for sure that I want to be good friends with him, but should I take it further, anymore? I really, really like him, but I am confused, so please help! ---Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
No. Usually, when a couple reasonably get back together again, after being broken up, it's because they had a long relationship, previously, and they want to give it a second shot. When people date for a few weeks and then call it quits, the relationship should not go further in that direction because the pair were able to see the problems so quickly. That's usually a sign that things just aren't meant to be. Or, maybe the couple got paranoid, or some other circumstances were involved in the break-up, but, whatever the circumstances, if you were able to end it that quickly, the odds are not in your favour. Usually, people break up for a reason, and that is normally that it's just not working out. That's why most people break up a second time, if they try to work things out, again. If you have broken up with him, twice, it's not meant to be. You two should stay the way you are, if you would like to remain friends, as you are. He sounds like he's trying to make things work for you, but really he believes that it won't work. On your part, you should talk to him about it and explain that, although you still like him in a more-than-just-friends way, you agree that it would be best if you two kept things the way they are. I'm sure he'll appreciate your honesty, and he won't feel so pressured by the idea, either. In your own time, you are going to have to just tolerate not taking things further. Chances are that you could just be having strong feelings for him because he's such a close friend . . . or they could be more serious than that, and you're going to go through Hell over it. Either way, you are going to have to be mature about it, and strong, and just wait for someone to come along who you like just as much AND you can actually hold a relationship with, and just deal with having this one as a friend. In some ways, that's better, so be happy with what you have, at least, and keep up your hope! ---Me
Dear Me,
There is this guy that I like a lot, and I met him a month ago, and he's tried to hook up with me (meaning like make-out, um... feel me up, etc.) Well I wouldn't let him do that, except kiss me. After that, he got kinda weird. Now, every time I see him, I get weak, you know? But I don't go out of my way to talk to him or anything.... He's now starting to flirt with me again, and tease me, and hug me. What should I do? What is he doing that for. I mean, he knows that I wouldn't hook up with him again, so what does he want from me?? Please help me, because I don't know if he wants a realtionship, like to get to know me, or just trying to see if I will cave in.
Thanks. ---Jen, 16
Dear Jen,
Well, in a case like this, talking to him does not work, at all, because people who only want to exploit never admit it, because they know it will get them nowhere, so he'll lie to you. If you ask him about it, he'll simply say, "No, I care, I really do! I just can't help myself, because you're so beautiful!" or something else equally pathetic. The important thing is that you don't fall for that. If he really cared, he'd apologise and stop it, right away. I do believe it is possible for people to mend their ways, but somehow I doubt that, in this short time, he's changed his pursuits. It's only been a month, and you already said that he dropped you once he found out you weren't easy. My advice is not to bother with people who aren't worth your time, like him. Good for you, for turning him down; now keep it up, and don't ever give in. He should not try for something that isn't his to take. ---Me
Dear Me,
I
have liked this girl for a very long time. We have gone out about
3 times but they all lasted for about 2 months. And once she cheated
on me, saying that she was sorry and that she didn't know what
she was getting herself into. Well I broke up with her because
of that but I still love her. Well she told me that she didn't
want me to go and disappear from her life. She wanted to be best
friends. I said okay. She said her new boyfriend, the one she
got while cheating on me, was not as good as me. Then I attempted
to get
back with her, and it worked. Well it was going well, but one
day, when we went to the movies together, she got mad at me for
no apparent reason. She told me
that I kept looking at girls but I wasn't, so we broke up that
day. Well we went out to eat on 5-27-01 and we started laughing
and we would look deep into each others eyes and we would write
stuff on the table. I asked her if she still loved me and she
told me yes, as a boyfriend, and I asked if we would ever get
back together and she said yes but she has a boyfriend now, and
sometimes she tries to make me jealous and it works but I dont
show it. But I still love her. Well I think she is beautiful and
I love her peorsonality and her smile. I need to know why I can't
get over her, and if this relationship will ever work. Please
help me. I need to know. THANK YOU. WRITE BACK. PLEASE HELP. ---Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Okay, well, please understand that it's very difficult to assess another person when you don't know them, therefore what I am about to say about this girlfriend of yours is only a theory, based on what you have told me, and it does not necessarily mean that it is really the case. However, I shall try my best:
It sounds as if she is suffering from some form of insecurity. As strange as the behaviour is, there ARE people out there who are a bit self-destructive, emotionally, and there are also people who simply do not know what they want. From what you have described, it sounds almost like she really does love you, and does care about you, but she, for some reason, can't bring herself to actually maintain that relationship with you. I honestly cannot say what her reason would be for doing this. She could be self-destructive, as I said, and just have a habit of not allowing herself to fall into a relationship that might benefit her (I know that may sound absurd, but I have known people who were like that, so it's not impossible), or perhaps she's simply afraid of getting into too close of a relationship. Or maybe she cares about you so much as a friend, she's afraid of getting too far involved with you because, if your dating relationship were to come to an end after a really long period of time together, maybe that could harm your friendship, in her eyes. There are so many possibilities.
However, if you want to know my honest opinion, I do think it's something to do with fear and insecurity. You say she acts like she's trying to make you jealous, somehow, and to me that sounds like a cry for extra attention. It is my experience that people who feel a need to make others jealous are doing it to try to make themselves feel more needed and important, and anyone who would bother going to all that trouble to get that attention must be insecure. You say that, when you first broke up, she said she didn't know what she was getting into. That sounds like a fear of a truly serious relationship, and the fact that she cheated on you seems to support the thought that maybe she can't handle such a committment. It is altogether possible that you are the one she wants, but she can't deal with such a relationship right now, for whatever personal reasons she may have, and she's confused and therefore acting in a way that does not quite make sense, because she doesn't quite know how to handle the situation.
If this is the case, I suggest the following: You say you love her, and you do indeed sound as if you care a great deal for her, not just as a girlfriend but also as a good friend. Keep that friendship there, don't lose that, it's important. If nothing else, I'm sure you'd like to maintain that with her. As far as her teasing manner goes, i.e. telling you she loves you but going off with someone else, be patient with her, it sounds as if she is having her own issues that need to be sorted out, and I would suggest trying not to let it get to you because I don't think her intention is to hurt you, so you should try not to take these things she does too personally. I really do think the problems here lie within herself, and not with you. And lastly, as far as dating her is concerned, I think it might be best for both of you if you were not anything but friends, for this moment in time. I think it will save you a lot of confusion and pain, and it will give her the time she needs to get whatever this is that she has out of her system, to sort herself out, and then, when things have calmed down, see how you feel about her at that time. I don't necessarily mean years from now, that's not what I'm saying. I just mean for this moment in time, this might be best.
Again, forgive me, please, for I don't actually know this girl, and I really don't want to assume so many things about her when I could be way off base. It's just that, based on what you told me, it does sound like it could be something along these lines. At any rate, I do have a very strong feeling it has to do with her, and not with you, and I hope you don't take her actions too much to heart.
Good luck! If you wish to reply to this, or ask anything else, or to let me know if any of this actually turned out to be helpful in any way, or correct, feel free.
---Me
Dear Me
I
have liked this guy since the 19th of February, 2001 and he is
really cute but the only problem is he has a girlfriend and he
has been with her for four years. I know who she is because she
has just left my school. Everyone has told me that he's a waste
of space because, for the four years that he has been with his
girlfriend, he has been cheating on her. Everytime I see him he
always kisses me, and he said to my auntie that, when I turn 16,
he is going to shag me. He betted with her on it and she looked
up and said, "I bet you don't then," and he looked up
and said, "You wait and see, then." I don't know what
to do. I do really like him but I don't like the fact that he
has
cheated on Anna, his girlfriend. I saw him last night when I was
out and he was with another girl, and he was standing by her and
holding her hand. I like Steve's cousin Mark as well and I dont
know which I like the most. I do really need help on what to do.
Can some one help me? I need some good advice. Thanx a lot. *Carley*
Dear Carley,
This person has 1) cheated on his girlfriend, and 2) made a bet with your aunt that he is going to get you to sleep with him when you're 16. He sounds like the type of person who is only in it to see how much he can get away with. This is not someone I think you should get yourself involved with, and besides you also express feelings for his cousin, therefore your feelings are not entirely for the original guy. This should be a sign to you that yes, perhaps you have some sort of attraction to him, but he is obviously not the right person for you. I think dating him would only get you hurt; he sounds like a player, and you already have your eye on someone else.
I hope this helps some. ---Me