Dear Me,

I just met this guy this summer and I love him, but there is a problem. I've caught him lying to me. He tells me he loves me and he will always care for me. But Im confused. What is he trying to say? Help!!
---Michele, 16

Dear Michele,

Oh, man, that is a drag. But at least you're not too serious into things so far. See, I've been cheated on a couple times, once by a guy I had been dating for half a year! That tore me apart. He was one of the hardest guys for me to get over. So you're lucky to have found this out so soon. Now, first off you should confront this guy. He needs to be able to admit to you that he lied. Also, if he's lied about big things, then you obviously know it's bad. But remember that if it's only about small things, that doesn't matter because it could very well develop into something more.

Next you should think about how sincere he really sounds when he says he loves you. Plus, when does he say these things? Is it when you two are getting physical? Or is it just out of the blue, or when you say something that's really touching or sweet? Or is it only right after you say YOU love HIM? Because if it's the first one, then he's probably only trying to get you in bed. If it's the last one, he's probably just doing it out of obligation, because he may feel guilty if he doesn't. If it's the second, then there's a possibility he really does love you.

Now then, I think I might have helped answer your question, but that doesn't solve things. I think you need to look inside you and see if you think that he is the type who would hurt you. I've dated some guys who I've said wouldn't hurt me, but then I realise that inside I know they're going to disappoint me. Be honest with yourself, allow yourself to see how you really feel. Because no matter how great this guy seems, no matter how much you care, you don't need to be hurt like that. Besides, if he really loves you, and you decide to end things, he'll stay your friend. If he doesn't, then he really wasn't worth it at all. It's a hard thing to accept, but it's true.

I really hope I helped you some. Please write and update me on how things go. ---Me

Dear Me,

Me and this guy have been going out for a month and a half and his little brother came over yesterday and told me that he was cheating on me with this girl who lives two houses away from him. (Me and him live across the street.) He came up to me and said, "I am so sorry that you guys broke up." I went along with it but the problem was that we didnt break up. I asked him how he found out that we broke up (going along with it) and he gave me a grin and said because they did things together. Should I believe the brother or my boyfriend who since hasn't called me, and we don't even see each other? Help me, please. ---Ashley

Dear Ashley,

Well, trust is a funny thing. I hate to tell you this, but I had a similar thing happen, twice, and both times the guys were cheating. Things seemed to be going fine, but then the calls stopped, I had to initiate everything, and we ended up avoiding each other. Finally we broke up, and then I found out they had cheated . . . once with a supposed friend of mine. This sounds like that kind of a situation. I don't mean it's with a friend, but that it has "cheater" written all over it. Really if he's not calling you anymore, that's a sure sign that something is wrong. I have known many people in that situation who later found out they were being cheated on.

That guy is probably one of two types: 1) He wants a more physical relationship, and he's not getting it with you, so he's looking elsewhere, but he's too insecure to lose the reliability of having a steady girlfriend, a.k.a. you, to end your relationship, OR 2) He's TOO secure and just likes to mess with girls in order to have the power. He could break the rules and be something completely different, but that's usually what it's like.

I say, confront this guy about it. If he admits it, then it's obvious what you do; there is no room for second chances if he's already cheating and you haven't even been together for two months! If he denies it, pay close attention to the way he does. Does he seem nervous? Does he act like he's covering something up? Because then, again, you know what to do. If he sincerely seems to be telling the truth in denying it, then it's up to you to trust your gut instinct. But, if you choose to stay with him, be cautious, just in case you're wrong and he really was lying.

I really hope that helped you some. Now it's up to you. Let me know what happens with it. --- Me

Dear Me,

I would like to ask a few questions . . . My boyfriend had his cousin (who I don't know) e-mail me and ask me out, and [my boyfriend] asked me if any one asked me out lately. I said, "Yes," and then he says it was his cousin. (I would also like to add [that] he lies to me sometimes) All of a sudden, he's saying maybe we shouldn't talk for a few weeks. I said, "No, it's okay, forget it all," and he just says, "bye, we can't talk." I say, "No," and I finally just tell him, "Fine, I'll just end my life," and he said, "No, baby, I'll talk to you!" ---Anonymous, 14

Dear Anoymous,

This sounds pretty serious! First off, if he's lying to you a lot, that's a definite problem right there. Also, if he's having his cousin ask you out, that could be a sign that he wants to end things but he doesn't want to hurt you too much, so he's sort of trying to hook you up first so that you're not alone when he breaks things off. Either that or he's really cruel and he is just trying to have a laugh at your expense. Either way, it's not good. Also, if he's trying to make you feel like you have to comprimise your feelings just to keep him speaking to you, then I have a question for YOU: WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM!? I may not know you, but I don't think any one deserves this kind of treatment, and that includes you. This is obviously a highly abusive relationship, and the best thing to do is end it now. This way, you will feel stronger for being the one to end things first, instead of being the one who was dumped. If, when you do this, he makes it seem like you're crazy for breaking it off, don't listen to him. If he says he still loves you and wants to make it work, don't listen. It doesn't matter how much he promises, you can work as hard as you like to save things but it's quite apparent to me that things aren't meant to be. Perhaps you two can stay friends, and that will be fine, but I can't see wedding bells in your future with him. Also, if you stay in any longer, you could get hurt much more. Get out now before it becomes far too painful to do so! Also, if you're telling him you're going to end your life over not speaking to him, that isn't fair to HIM! He may feel like he really wants out of the relationship but he can't leave because he feels responsible for you, because you're bringing up this threat. You may not even mean it that way, but he may be perceiving it that way, and that could cause even more problems, including resentment. I dated someone who told me that he would kill himself if he lost me. That's not the kind of burden you like to have hanging over you all the time. Please, for the sake of both of you, put a stop to this right away! ---Me

Dear Me,

Okay, I have been best friends with my best friend for about 7 years. She recently moved. At her new school, she met this boy nameed Joey. She talks to
him, online, 24/7. Well, she gave me his screen name. We have talked for a while, and now I also like him. He and I have plans to go to the movies, sometime.
Should I tell my friend? Should I call it off? Please help. ---Amber

Dear Amber,

At this moment, DO NOT GO! I've been in this situation, before, and I've also been on the receiving end (i.e. been the friend), so I know this situation perfectly, and it's a painful one, no matter what. Before you do anything at all, you have to talk to your friend. You have to explain to her that you like this person, too, a lot, but you know that she likes him, and you don't want to hurt her, in any way, because she means a lot to you. Then you have to ask her what she thinks about it. Explain to her that he has told you he likes you, and has asked you out, but, if she'll be hurt, then you won't go. Have a loooong talk about it, because you have to make it absolutely, perfectly clear that you have her feelings at the top of your list of importance, here. Then make sure she truly doesn't mind, before you do anything about it, and even then don't do it right away, wait a little bit so that you don't seem like you're just jumping into it all. It won't be as harsh if you keep it slow. If she disapproves, though, don't do anything at all, even explain it to this guy, if you have to, but don't do anything, because it's not worth losing such a close friend over one guy, no matter how much you like him. You've known him a very short time, and it may not work out, either, and she's been there for seven years. It's obvious which is most valuable, here. Plus, if she says it's okay, and you do go out with him, don't talk about it to her, much, and try to be gentle about it, and be prepared for her to still be a little odd about it, because sometimes really good friends will say it's okay because they don't want to hurt the other's feelings, even though it actually does hurt them, inside. However, if you ask her first, and make sure she knows you care about her that much, she'll forgive you, I promise. However, if you keep it a secret, trust me, she'll find out---they always do---and she'll be devastated, and it's not going to be pretty between you two, because I've seen it and lived it. It'll all end in tears, and harsh words, and you'll regret all of it. So please, TALK TO HER, FIRST!!! ---Me