Dear Me,
There's this guy that I have liked for an incredibly long time named James that went to my school. I have been friends with him for about the same period of time. The only problem is I am really afraid that if I ask him to be more than friends he will treat me like the plague and we won't be friends at all. I have tried dropping little hints but he doesn't seem to get it. What should I do? ---Jessica

Dear Jessica,

You know, it's funny that you should ask this right now because I went through the exact same thing just five months ago, so I know how you must feel. I liked this guy for nine years, and we dated for a few months a couple of years back. He was totally aware of the fact that I still liked him. I was afraid that if he knew it, then things would become uncomfortable between us. Fortunately, we really are best friends and he took it with stride. I usually have this tendancy to have my friends also drop those subtle little hints to find out what he would do if one of his friends liked him. If he says that he would flip, I keep it a secret (as awful as that is), but I have usually always had the person say that he would deal with it. Once, I found out that my friend liked me, too, and we ended up going out. I guess what I am saying is that this is a really tough situation to be in because it can go either way, and you really can't predict what will happen. But if you do tell him and he avoids you, then he really doesn't deserve you, honestly, because he is too immature. However, my friend had that happen to her, and after a while he started talking to her again, so don't give up all hope right away; things can change very quickly. The most important thing is to not get depressed about it; that's not healthy. You WILL find someone who deserves you- even if it isn't now, he's out there somewhere. And if things don't work out with James, then maybe he's just not the one you are meant to be with. After all, I have learned to accept the fact that there are some people who you are REALLY just friends with. I am not really sure if I helped you, there, but I hope I gave you some ideas. Good luck! (And if you would like, feel free to update me; I'm always here.) ---Me

Dear Me,

Hey, I have liked the same guy for about 3 years. That's all I talk about to my friends---Him, Him. I think he knows I like him but i am not sure. Some kids tell me he likes me but I am not sure what should I do. Thanks.---Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Oh boy, another one of these situations. Okay, well, you can't always rely on what your friends have heard to be totally true. They may have heard it from someone else who heard it from someone else, and so on. The gossip chain can get you in trouble. So think about a few things:

1. How does he act when he's around you? If he's really flirty, don't immediately assume that means he likes you. There are lots of flirty people who act that way with anyone. However, if that's not his style, you may have something going for you there. Or maybe he usually flirts with everyone, but he gets quieter with you. That could mean something very good for you. Perhaps he gets nervous around you because he has feelings for you. Or maybe it's something else. Maybe he is really nice to you in any situation when he might snap at someone else for doing the same things you do. You need to carefully observe his behaviour, and that may give some clues into how he feels.

2. How does he react when you drop subtle hints? Have you tried this technique? It helps some. Somehow let him know, subtley, that you may like him a little bit. If he really likes you, this may get him to confess. If he doesn't, this could drop the idea into his mind, and he'll be thinking about the idea of dating you, trust me. When a guy acts like he likes me, I usually think a lot about the concept. Also, maybe get a friend to tease him, when he's in front of you, about how it would be if he hooked up with you. Don't do this very conspicuously, though! Just something along the lines of, "A lot of my friends are hooking up...except you two. So when are you going to start dating?" You know, just something along those lines, but in a very convincingly joking manner. Maybe you don't want to go with that, but his reaction to the idea would be a great way of seeing how he feels.

3. What kinds of things does he talk to you about? Okay, so when you're talking to him, what kinds of things do you discuss? Is it all superficial stuff, like music and movies, or does he tell you about his problems? Does he get serious with you, and let you see his more vulnerable side, or does he stick to easy, safe topics? If he can talk to you about serious things, this shows that he definitely trusts you and considers you to be a close companion of some sort. However, you also have to think about how he acts when YOU open up to HIM. Does he try to help you, to console you, or does he basically do all the talking without showing any concern for your problems? If he talks all about himself, then the guy is selfish, and you don't need to be in that sort of a relationship. You deserve someone who will listen as well as talk. If he helps, then you're REALLY in luck because that means that he really loves you as at least a friend.Maybe he doesn't like you in that way, but at least you will know that, if he finds out you like him, you won't lose him as a friend because he cares about you.

4. Does he tend to contradict you when you put yourself down? Say you say you don't like the way your hair looks that day. What does he do? Does he just smile and ignore it, does he agree, or does he tell you it looks good, and that you shouldn't worry about it? If he ignores it, he's just aloof. If he agrees, lose him! If he says you look good, then this guy is obviously into making you feel better, and that's a definite plus, and it could also imply that he thinks you're really special and that he DOES in fact like you that way.

So think about these things, and come up with some questions of your own. Think of what's really important to you about a relationship and then come up with a way to test this guy on these aspects, and this may give you a better insight into how he feels. I hope I helped some. Please update me on any developments, and good luck! ---Me

We acquired a male's perspective on these two situations. He disagreed with the advice that "Me" gave these two girls, and so here is his view on the matter:

Dear Anonymous and Jessica,
This is a guy's perspective on the whole situation: "Me" told you how to
play little mind games with him. As a guy, that is so annoying. It is
hard enough trying to fight for control of your mind when you are just arguing with yourself about whether or not you like her, not to mention if you get these little "signals" from her to work through, also. If you truly like the guy and want to go out with him, just please do him and yourself a favor and just ask him. Why have both of you fretting over the idea of who likes who? Just go up to him and ask. I know that it is hard to just ask a girl out, and life would just be so much easier if just once the girls asked me out. If he says no, then what do you have to lose? You know that he said, "No," and you can move on instead of not knowing, and worrying. There is alway the problem of losing him as a friend, but if he is mature enough then that will not be a problem. I don't know if I am willing to say the "it's not you, it's him" thing because that implies that there is someone out there for you who will be your perfect match and I don't know if that is true, or that there is someone out there for you because it is the same thing. I would like to think that but I don't know. To sum up this badly writen answer, just go up and ask him. Get it over with. - A True Friend

This new view provoked a bit of a debate. Here's what "Me" had to say in response:

Dear "True Friend",

While I agree that "mind games" can be annoying, I have to say that is not exactly what I meant. You see, you are overlooking the fact that just going up to a guy and asking him out can be terribly embarrassing to some. I happen to know you very well, and I know that you are not exactly very shy. But perhaps these girls are. That is how they came across to me when I read their letters. And I used to be terribly shy myself, so I know what that is like. And I don't mean to suggest that they should play "mind games" but that they should drop subtle hints and maybe do a little research first before they go and take that final step. It's nice to have a little reassurance when you admit to such feelings. For some it's hard enough just telling a friend about your crush, so you can imagine how bad it would be to actually tell the crush. - Me

Dear Me,

Hi! I have a really big problem: The guy I like does not see the true of me because, in school, I get good grades and want to stay out of trouble, and the only time I see him is when his best friend and my best friend get together (boyfriend and girlfriend). I get scared and now, in my play, he is going to be my boyfriend. What should I do? ---Dani

Dear Dani,

I think that most people go through a time when the person they like does not see them for who they really are, not because the person they fancy is some horrible person who is only interested in looks, but simply because we tend to put on acts, and it really all comes down to nerves. It's perfectly normal for you act differently around him, and to act differently in school. We all experience role strain, that is acting a certain way depending on who we're with. In school many people like to project and image of being a good student who gets good grades and such, just to impress the teachers. When we really like someone, a lot of us will get rather nervous and shy. So that's nothing to feel weird about. As far as getting him to see you for who you really are, that's a task that will take much courage to accomplish. You really have to try and get over your nerves. It's a dificult thing to do, and I would know because I used to get extremely shy around guys I liked; I still do, to some extent. The trick is to try and tell yourself that he's just a friend, and that you should act around him the way you would around your other friends. You should also tell yourself that he's just a human being, like yourself, and that you acting normal around him is not going to hurt you in any way, so you really have nothing to be afraid of. It sounds much easier than it is, I'm sorry to say, but it's really is something that is necessary. In regards to your play, I'm not quite sure what you mean about that. Are you saying that you are going to be too nervous playing the role of his girlfriend? If that is the case, you have to follow that same idea. Besides, you're acting, so, if you get a little carried away with things or whatever, he won't think it odd because you're supposed to act like you like him, right? I'm sorry if that didn't quite answer your question, but I wasn't totally sure what you were asking in that last bit. I hope everything turns out well, though, and good luck with your play. Please let me know what happens! ---Me

Dear Me,

Hey, I have a major problem: Im in love with this girl I've known all my life. We have become great friends and I want more. I dont know what to do. I want
her to know that I seriously love her, but I can't say it. Can you help me??? ---Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Ah, yes, a very common problem. I, myself, have had that happen. I was in love with my best friend for years, and it was absolute Hell. However, I was able to tell him. You see, the key to it is in how solid your friendship is. If you have an unsteady relationship, then chances are that this sort of news will either: 1) develop into a really messed up dating situation, or 2) if she doesn't feel the same way, it will change your friendship, which is not what you want to happen, obviously. However, if you have a very firm friendship, one that has been proven to be strong, then, no matter what her feelings are for you, nothing can go seriously wrong. What will happen is: 1) she will feel the same thing, and then maybe things can move along in that direction, or 2) she won't feel the same way, but she'll understand, and she won't treat you differently. No matter what happens, though, if you keep this to yourself, it is going to eat you up inside. Even if she doesn't share your feelings, it might help you a lot if you at least tell her, just to get it out of your system. A good way to approach it is to say something to her along the lines of, "I'm not necessarily expecting anything to happen because of this, I just need to get this off my chest, so don't feel pressured or anything: Lately, I've had feelings for you..." Make sure that she doesn't feel as if she has to go out with you in order to make everything right. If she feels that way, then she will be more likely to act differently around you. Be mature about it, and try not to get your hopes up too much. Other than that, the rest is up to you. Good luck! ---Me

Dear Me,
I have this huge problem: I really like this girl and she has a boyfriend, but I have a good feeling that
she will dump him, and I tried to ask her out. That's not really the problem. The problem is that everybody knows I'm the "joker" and I'm not really serious, I play a lot of jokes and make my friends laugh, so, when I asked her out, this is what she said:

Me: I love you, would you go out with me?

Her: Hahahahahahahahahahaha

So I decided to play along and I said, "Just kidding." Now I am heartbroken and I don't know what to
do, please help me!! ---Leo, CA

Dear Leo,

I can understand how hard your situation must be, and I can also understand you immediately allowing her to think you were only joking around. I also, though, think that perhaps your very to-the-point approach to asking her out might have been part of the problem. Going up to a girl, out of the blue, and telling her you love her is a very big thing to throw at her, and she might not take you seriously simply because of that. I would suggest approaching her calmly again and asking her if you can talk seriously for a moment, to first get her attention. Then explain to her that when you asked her out, you actually weren't joking, you just were very nervous and weren't quite sure how to approach her with what you wanted to tell her. Make sure she takes you seriously this time. I'm sure she will because, if you were really joking with her last time, why would you approach her with it a second time? You would only do this if you really meant it, and you do, and I'm sure she'll understand that, too.

I hope that helps some, good luck with things. ---Me