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Meet Ben Butler!

August, 2000

Ben ButlerBen Butler (or "The Penis God", as he likes to refer to himself) is an intelligent person who is considered, by his friends, to be very funny, and very serious when he needs to be, although he tends to joke around a lot. His way of stating his age, for example, was: "The penis god has existed from the time of the spork's creation, but this most holy incarnation of the penis god has existed for 18 years and it will be 19 on April 8th." He lives in Phoenix, AZ, and has two siblings, Tim and Jessica.

Ben's Faves and Least Faves

 Item  Favorite  Least Favorite
Color Blue Turquoise
Movie Matrix Oliver and Company
TV Show "The Simpsons" The news.
Holiday "My birthday." "Groundhog Day-What the Hell is with this holiday? Do I look like I give a damn about a stupid hog and whether it sees its shadow or not? No, I could care less, and what was with that movie? It wasn't bad but come on, of all the holidays he could have lived through, over and over, there are better ones. This is the dumbest and biggest piece of crap holiday I have ever seen."
Song "Shut up" [We're not exactly sure what he means by this] "Ahhhhh, there are so many; it's not like there is a small list of songs I wish would suddenly cease to exist. No, there are a lot, but the
most annoying song I have ever had to sit through, the one that had me wishing that I was killed rather then listen to, was "Genie in a Bottle..." [By Christina Aguilera]
Musical Artist "Dunno." "Any of the boy bands...uh don't get me started..."
 Book "Anything by Michael Chrighton."  "Ishi, Last of His Tribe"

More on Ben Butler

Ben is a very sarcastic, and intelligent, person, with a tendency to joke around a lot. He is rather studious, in his ways, and said that his main passion in life is "school". Then, when asked what his five most valued things are, he told us, "School, friends, church, enjoying myself, and keeping peace in my family." On the same note, we asked him what he looks for, in others, and he said, "Intellect, humour," and then, sarcastically, "Boobs."

Another theme that seemed to appear in his answers to our questions was that of his being very thin. We wondered what he liked the most about himself, and he said his intelligence. When we asked what he liked the least, he said, "My terrible frail body." So, we asked him what he would ask for, if he had three wishes, and he answered, "To go to Heaven, to be given a stronger, more physically adept body, and magical powers." We asked him if there was anything he thought annoyed him, about himself, and he said, "Everything, and I use that to my advantage."

He also told us that his greatest accomplishment, in life, is surviving his middle school, Madison #1, and that his most embarrassing moment occurred there, when he "Spazzed out on the stage for the geography bee, in 5th grade."

That was where his serious answers stopped, for the most part. He told us that his best friends are David McMeekin and Vrinda Devi, and "Yo mama." He said that he admires most "people who selflessly give to others, and the Spork." When we asked him what his main goals are, in life, he told us, "To rule the world, and to eat lots of cheese, and to see the great Spork and be lead to greatness, and to be really cool." He also said that "The Spork" is his idol. Right . . .

He told us his favourite quote to live by is: "You've stolen my heart, but don't worry; I've got 3 more in the fridge, back
home." Finally, we asked him if there was anything else he would like to say about himself, and his reply was: "I am God. All shall bow before the power of the ben God, and his ally in the battle for the universe The Flying Spork. (Evan Binder can go fuck himself.)"

How eloquent, as always.

Some of Ben's favorite websites (besides Got Help? of course!)

http://www.newgrounds.com/assassin/index.html A site where you can kill celebrities!

www.abrupt.com ("Read the Satan at war under logos, that is some funny fucking shit mother fucker." ---Ben)

Here's what some of Ben's friends had to say about him:

"Ben is completely irreverant, but that's just something that makes him off the wall. If there is any topic that is inappropriate, he will mention it, as long as it's not around anyone's parents. He can be incredibly serious and caring, though, when he needs to be. He's one of my best friends, and always good for a big laugh." ---Vrinda Devi

"Ben---Here is one goofy fellow! Ben is a surprise, you never quite see him coming. But, I think one word can sum up Ben...... PENIS!" ---Courtney Christensen

If you would like to contact Ben, his e-mail address is: battleaxebutler@netzero.com

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