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The
Ultimate Truth: Of Mice and Cheese
by
Dr. V. Funkanator, M.D., I.D., I.O., T.S., M.I., C.E., A.R., E.G.,
O.D., S.A., U.S.U., C.K., F.A.C.C., esquire
A
Short Introduction
In
the beginning, there were Mice...
Evidence
for the Nonbelievers
More
Food for Thought
Frequently
Asked Questions
About
the Author
Some
Notes on the Site
Guestbook
A
Short Introduction:
Have you ever
really thought about the purpose of certain creatures in this
world? For example, why do roaches roam this Earth? Do we really
need them? What good do they do? While I cannot offer an explanation
for this strange phenomenon, I can tell you all about the Mice.
You're probably thinking, The Mice? What the Hell is she on? I
thought something similar to that to, in the beginning, but that
was before I learned the Ultimate Truth...
THE MICE RULE
THE WORLD.
And that's only the half of it. Some of you may be thinking that
you read this once, in a book, perhaps. Yes, you may have, but
that is because Douglas Adams is a genius who knows the Ultimate
Truth. He chose to share it with us all, enlighten us. Many people
took his books to be comedy, but they are really a Bible, of sorts,
for an intergallactic race of Mice.
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In
the beginning, there were Mice...
The Mice came
here many moons ago. They are a highly advanced species of scientists,
and so they set up lab experiments to study humans. While most
people believed that they were studying Mice, as they ran them
around mazes, the truth is that the Mice were running the tests.
How? Well, that is in the minds of these great Mice. They are
so clever that they tricked us all into thinking, for decades,
that we were the smart ones.
They took over this planet. Many people roaming the streets may
be vessels for the Mice. Someone you know might even be one of
these creatures! How do you find out? Whisper the secret question
to them. If they respond with the correct answer, then you know
they are really Mice. It's a bit like Hotmail's password reminder,
only more Godly.
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Evidence
for the Nonbelievers:
Would you
like a bit of evidence to pursuade you, if you are a nonbeliever?
Try this out for size:
1. Why are elephants afraid of Mice??? You know the answer,
in your heart...they are cowering in the presence of their Gods!. Is
2.
Is it a coincidence that Mheese, the true ambrosia (although people
lead us to think otherwise), is the main food supply of the Mice???
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More
Food for Thought:
1.
The NASCA lines in Peru: It has been said that the Mice really
did this, when they landed on the planet, and that the lines actually
represent some of the many Mouse Gods.
2. My hair is brown.
3. The Great Pyramid of Egypt, and such: Many archaelogists are
puzzled as to why these pyramids have sarcophogai, and yet no
mummies. In fact, the mummies are buried elsewhere. Why? Well,
the truth is that they were originally buried in their tombs,
but the Mice liked them so much that they moved the bodies and
buried their own Kings in these tombs. People have not found these
Mouse bodies because they are so small, but one lucky tourist
happened to find a small object which was thought to be a roll
of linen, when in fact it was the body of an ancient Mouse King!
4. William the Conquerer: It is a fact that, when William the
Conquerer's body was being taken to its grave, it actually exploded.
Many fools have thought that this was a result of one of James
Cameron's aliens, but in fact it was because the Mouse inside
of him was trying to get free, before it was buried alive! When
the French, later, during one of their revolutions, dug up the
skeleton, later on, they were really Mice, in search of William's
Mouse, because they were not sure whether or not He really made
it out alive. All they left was a single bone. The others they
brought to the lab for testing.
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Some
Frequently Asked Questions:
1.
What is the story behind the pigeons in London?
The
pigeon secret was revealed once on an episode of the highly
intellectual televsion programme "Sifl and Olly". They
stated that, if you go to Trafalgar Square, in London, England,
and pick up one of the many thousands of pigeons, you can turn
it over and find a little lever. Pull this lever and open the
secret door. Inside you will find a little Mouse, working the
gears, which is what causes the bobbing of the pigeon head. What
is the purpose behind such antics? Pigeons are really the janitorial
service for London! No joke! We are unsure of whether or not other
wordly pigeons work this way, but it's a safe bet that they do.
Try it!
2.
What is this I hear about Cheese Food?
This is a startling epidemic that the mice were not prepared for.
The story behind this is that most Cheese, these days, is actually
made of the notorious "Cheese Food". Check the labels,
and you shall see. This is usually in things such as "American
Cheese". YOU MUST BOYCOTT SUCH PRODUCTS! Why are they so
evil? Simple, really: The Cheese Food is, obviously, what the
Cheese eats. When we eat Cheese Food, we starve the Cheese. The
Cheese dies out. The Mice have no more food. Worldwide destruction.
3. What
is the link between the Cheese Food and the Mayans?
Many of you may know of the ancient Mayan people, in Mexico. It
is known that they had a very advanced system of astrology, and
they were able to predict their own destruction. Before it, though,
they predicted the day when the world would end. What the scientists
don't want you to know, though, is that, all over the tablets
on which this prophecy was marked, there were pictographs of Cheese!
Please, BAN ALL CHEESE FOOD PRODUCTS BEFORE IT BECOMES OUR DEATH!
4. How
can Mice rule the world when they are so small?
As said before, they use Earth bodies as vessels, to move around,
however do not be misled by the size of real Mouse bodies, for
they contain largely proportional brains, of which they use the
full 100%, as opposed to our meager 10!
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About
the Author:
Dr. V. Funkanator, etc. is a well-known professor at the Royal
London Institute for Mouse Theory, where She teaches lessons in
the True Religion, revolving arounn this Ultimate Truth. She is
actually a descendent of William the Conquerer, and therefore
a Mouse does, in fact, live in Her brain. This is why She teaches
what She does. She is really one of the Heavenly Messengers, sent
down to free your many nearly dead souls from the Ultimate Hell...for
further information on this, write Her and Her address and, for
a small fee, She will tell you all about your destiny.
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THIS
PAGE WILL BE UPDATED EACH TIME NEW INFORMATION IS REVEALED. PLEASE
CHECK BACK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE ULTIMATE TRUTH.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEND US ANY INFORMATION THAT YOU MIGHT HAPPEN
TO KNOW, PLEASE E-MAIL: got_answers@hotmail.com
AND WE WILL INVESTIGATE THINGS FURTHER.
NOTE: WE WILL NOT TOLERATE FRAUD; PLEASE ONLY SEND US THINGS FOR
WHICH YOU HAVE HARD PROOF!!!
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