Intro: Many are the tales told of the Black Adder and of his faithful henchmen Lord Percy Percy and Baldrick son of Robin the Dung-Gatherer, but none is told so oft, with so much hitting of heads with wonder and repeating of exciting parts as this the final chapter in the book of The Black Adder.
(Start Credits Roll)
Narrator: England 1498, St Junipers Day on which the King would lavish new honours upon his kinfolk.
(The court of Richard IV)
King Richard: St Juniper once said, "By his loins shall ye know him and by the length of his rod shall he be measured." The length of my rod is a mystery to all but the Queen, and a thousand Turkish hordes, but the fruits of my loins are here for all to see. I have two sons, Henry and... another one. Step forward, Harry, Prince of Wales.
(Harry approaches and prostrates himself in front of his father)
King: Harry, I hereby name thee, captain of the Guard, Grand Warden of the Northern and Eastern Marches, Chief Lunatic of the Duchy of Gloucester, Viceroy of Wales, Sheriff of Nottingham, Marquis of the Midlands, Lord Hoe-Maker in ordinary and Harbinger of the Doomed-Rat. Step forward, the other one.
(Edmund approaches and prostrates himself on the step below Richard)
King: Till now thy titles have been but few, Duke of Edinburgh and Warden of the Royal Privvies.
Edmund: Just so my Lord.
King: We thank thee Egbert for thy work in Edinburgh, know now that we do relieve thee of thy heavy task and give the Dukedom to our Lord cousin Hastings.
(aside) Many Happy Returns Tom. Thus have I discharged the duties of Juniper. Chiswick, fresh horses. We ride at once to rebellious Stoke where it is my sworn intent to approach the city walls bare my broad buttocks and shout "Behold. I honour thee most highly"
(Fanfare and cheers) (Court empties leaving Edmund, Percy and Baldrick)
Percy: Well, it could have been worse my Lord.
Baldrick: Yeah, for a moment there I thought you were going to lose the Privvies.
Edmund: (rising from the stairs) No. It will not do.
Percy: No you're right my Lord it won't.
Edmund: I must clear away the chaff from my life and let shine forth the true wheat of greatness.
Percy: (looking at Baldrick) Do it at once my Lord.
Edmund: Very well. Percy... you're dismissed from my service.
Percy: (points at Baldrick) Ha ha ha... Who me why ?
Edmund: Because Percy, far from being a fit consort for a Prince of the Realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would, your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a furry cod-piece you might just get by as a fool, but, since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a hair-cut, I doubt it. That is why you're dismissed.
Percy: Oh I see.
Edmund: And as for you Baldrick...
Baldrick: Yes my Lord?
Edmund: You're out too.
Baldrick: Fair enough.
Narrator: So Edmund spurned his friends and began his quest for glory. (Edmund on horse led by Baldrick to castle gates)
Edmund: Well, I expect you'll go back to shovelling dung in the gutter where I found you?
Baldrick: Nah, shouldn't think so.
Edmund: No?
Baldrick: No. It took me years to get that job, I'll probably be back milking pigs or mucking out the lepers.
Edmund: Really?
Baldrick: Yeah, it'll be years before I get back to shovelling dung again. (Edmund rides away. Baldrick watches wiping a dew drop from his nose) (Caption - 100 yrds later) (Edmund nearly runs over an old man)
Edmund: Get out of my way.
Old Man: Going on a journey my Lord?
Edmund: No, I thought I'd stand here all day and talk to you.
Old Man: You'll be needing someone to tend your horse then?
Edmund: No and even if I did I wouldn't take you. I mean look at you. What is your profession? (The Old man removes two handkerchiefs from his tunic and proceeds to dance waving them about)
Edmund: Oh my God a retired Morris Dancer, thats all I need. Well if you can keep up you can come.
Caption: Thus did Edmund set forth into England... (Edmund mounted on black horse galloping across the countryside)
Caption: ...with his rather irritating old servant. (The Old Man gallops past at about twice the speed of Edmund, mounted on a donkey)
Caption: And so the Black Adder scoured the land to search out the six other Most Evil Men in the kingdom. (An English country road through a wood. A lone rider approaches Edmund and the Old Man who sit, waiting, in a clearing. Three black hooded riders ambush the lone rider before he reaches the clearing)
Caption: Sir Wilfred Death.
Edmund: (retreating into the wood) Oh my God an ambush!
Ambusher #1: (In an Irish accent) Sir Wilfred Death, your tyranny is now at an end. Prepare to be hung by your codlings from that tree. (He points his sword towards a nearby tree)
Sir Wilfred Death: Never! (Edmund and the Old Man watch a melee from behind some trees, sounds of a conflict ring out for about six seconds. Pan back to ambush site where Sir Wilfred Death is walking away from the tree where the three riders hang, groaning, upside down, strung by their codlings. Edmund approaches Wilfred)
Edmund: Sir Wilfred Death.
Wilfred Death: Edmund. (They shake hands)
Edmund: I'm looking for some men to take over the kingdom.
Wilfred: How many have you got so far? (Edmund holds up one finger. Wilfred replies with the reversed victory sign invented by British archers at Agincourt to signify that they hadn't been taken prisoner by the French, now commonly used as a visual expletive)
Caption: Three-Fingered Pete. (Two archers standing at the edge of the woods)
Three-Fingered Pete: So we are agreed. He who wins takes the horse (He indicates to a nearby steed)
Both: Aye.
Three-Fingered Pete: There is our mark. (indicates an archery target) You shoot first. (The other bowman nocks an arrow and shoots hitting the target squarely in the centre)
Three-Fingered Pete: Thats good... so good in fact... I'm going to have to... (shoots the other archer dead) ...cheat. (Edmund and Wilfred have been watching in the distance)
Edmund: (shouting) Three-Fingered Pete! (Edmund and Wilfred approach. In close up Edmund holds three fingers aloft)
Caption: Guy de Glastonbury (A carriage travels through the countryside, it is stopped by a lone rider, Guy de Glastonbury)
Guy de Glastonbury: Good evening... and surrender. Your money or your life.
Merchant on carriage: Here take it (gives Guy a purse) It's all the money I have.
Guy de Glastonbury: Thank you.
Merchant: Now let me pass.
Guy de Glastonbury: (aside) Damn! (to the merchant) I'm always doing this. Did I say "Your money or your life."?
Merchant: You did.
Guy de Glastonbury: Sorry, slip of the tongue, your money and your life. (shoots the merchant with a single-handed crossbow) Sorry. (He walks his horse to the front of the carriage) (to Driver) Thanks Ned. See you Thursday. (The driver waves as Guy trots away to where Edmund, Wilfred and Pete await him)
WD: Guy.
Guy de Glastonbury: Wilfred.
WD: Now what we need... is a real bastard.
TFP: Sean, the Irish Bastard. (A dark street in a town, a merchant walks nervously along it, glancing behind him periodically. A shadowy figure follows him dodging in and out of doorways so as to avoid being seen. The shadowy figure accidentally stabs a house with his dagger. Two blind beggars stand to one side of the street with their begging bowls)
Beggar #1 [Kane]: Pity the blind kind sir. (The merchant walks past ignoring the beggars. The shadowy figure, Sean, the Irish Bastard scabbards his dagger and approaches the beggars stealthily. Carefully Sean steals the content of the begging bowls and slips back into the shadows)
Caption: Sean, the Irish Bastard.
Beggar #2 [Abel]: 'ere. Business is quiet this morning.
Kane: Aye, everyones gone to lunch I think. (Wilfred, Edmund et al. block Seans escape up a stairway)
Wilfred: Sean. (The five sit on horses atop a hill, Each member of the group is pictured holding five fingers aloft. Edmund, Guy de Glastonbury, Sean the Irish Bastard, Sir Wilfred Death, finally Three-Fingered Pete holds up three fingers) (A forest clearing. A monk, a farmer and a young girl stand with some horses)
Farmer: Friar, I fear greatly for her chastity.
Friar Bellows: Alas, such is the way of the world. The sweetest rose too often is... (He looks longingly at the girl) ...plucked too soon.
Caption: Friar Bellows.
Farmer: Yes... I wondered if you would take her while I'm gone? (Friar Bellows takes another longing look at the girl)
Friar Bellows: Yes. The answer is yes. (Yet another lustful look)
Friar Bellows: (almost sinisterly) I shall... (Behind some bushes the Friar and girl are lying with her dress around her waist and the friar between her legs. The five watch with some amusement)
Wilfred: Friar Bellows? (Sean, the Irish Bastard removes a cork from a bottle [FX of cork popping])
Wilfred: Doing the Lords work?
Friar: I was just ministering extreme unction. (The rest laugh) (The six ride across the top of a rise)
Edmund: Who shall be our seventh? Wilfred?
Wilfred: Why, need I say more? Jack ([FX Deathly chord] The other five look worried)
GdG: Not mad bully-boy Jack, the grave robbing assassin of Aldwich?
Wilfred: No.
TFP: Then crazed animal Jack, the cattle rustling cannibal from Sutton-Coalfield?
Wilfred: Ha ha... no.
StIB: Then your man's sane Jack O'Hooligan the man-hating goat-murderer of Dingle Bay.
WD: No.
Friar: Surely not Canon Jack Smollett senior arch-deacon of the Diosces of St Bothar, the entrail-eating heretic of Bath and Wells?
Wilfred: No. I'm talking of unspeakably violent Jack, the bull-buggering beast-killer of no-fixed-abode. ([An even deathlier chord] All look even more worried)
Edmund: Are you sure he's the sort of chap we're looking for?
Wilfred: Yes, (He point down the hill) and here he comes. (A giant is walking up the hill towards them)
Caption: Jack Large. (A dwarf appears from behind the giant hitting at his legs. The giant weathers this for a short while before picking the little fellow up to eye-level)
Giant: What do you think you're doing ?
Wilfred: (Shouting from the hill) Are you with us Jack ?
Dwarf: (Shouting back to Wilfred) Aye. (The dwarf butts the giant knocking him cold and both fall to the ground) (Edmund holds up seven fingers, he is giggling in the manner only he can) (The six Most Evil Men are pictured around a central picture of Edmund riding. Edmund falls off his horse into the snow) (The Old Man is sitting with seven horses and his donkey outside a pub)
Jack Large: (From inside the pub) ...so I kissed her on the left buttock. (Drunken laughter issues from the pub. Inside the seven are seated around a table covered with empty goblets and spilled wine and food)
Edmund: (to Jack) So, tell me Jack what is your second name?
Jack: Large, Jack Large.
Edmund: (amused) Ha. Then in our band you shall be known as "Large Jack". (Jack spits out his mouthful of beer and looks accusingly at Edmund)
Jack: Why?
Edmund: (nervously) Well... because you are so little.
Jack: Why not "Little Jack" then?
Edmund: Well, because "Large Jack" is more amusing.
Others: Is it?
Edmund: Very well then "Little Jack". (All rise weapons pointed at Edmund in a threatening manner)
Jack: You wish to mock my size?
Edmund: No no no no no, no of course not... erm... Innkeeper some more beer! Six large beers... (Cheers from Wilfred and co) (He looks to Jack who is staring menacingly at him)
Edmund: ...and another large beer. (All cheer)
Edmund: Let us then go on to the plan.
Others: The plan, the plan...
Friar: But first a motto for our enterprise. "Blessed are the meek, for they shall be slaughtered" (The others rise, weapons drawn and make for the door cheering)
Edmund: Wait you've forgotten the plan.
TFP: I thought that was the plan.
StIB: Lets get those meek bastards, now. (All cheer)
Edmund: QUIET!
Wilfred: Who wants quiet? I want chaos! (All cheer again)
JL: And slaughter! (More cheers)
TFP: And flowers!
Others: Yeah... huh?
TFP: Mercilessly crushed under-foot. (Cheers)
FB: Silence.
All: (returning to their seats) Silence, ssshhh, silence...
GdG: Silence, for the word of the Lord.
Friar: For Christs sake lets hear the plan.
All: The plan, the plan...
Edmund: Very well, the plan is simple.
WD: (still carried away with the camaraderie) I thought it was cunning.
ALL: Down with the plan.
Edmund: Well... it's cunning in its simplicity. Tonight, I ride for home...
Wilfred: I say strike now while the iron is hot.
Edmund: But it isn't hot.
Wilfred: Isn't it?
Edmund: No it's just warming up, but, when it is hot, we will strike.
StIB: What? Are we going to have to wait till summer?
Edmund: No, no when the iron is hot.
TFP: What iron?
Edmund: Never mind, we are all agreed. I shall send for you all.
Friar: How?
Edmund: Well... by a message, a sign.
GdG: What sort of sign?
Edmund: Well, something black probably.
Jack: Black pudding?
Edmund: Not quite.
TFP: A messenger... with the Black Death perhaps?
Edmund: Yes, thats better.
Friar: He means to kill us! (All rise to attack Edmund again)
Edmund: No, no, I mean a messenger with black... hair.
Wilfred: Ahhhh, a black-headed messenger.
All: Aye.
Edmund: And when he comes to you, drop whatever you are doing and speed with all haste to Jaspers tavern.
StIB: Ah, I know it well. How is old Jasper these days?
TFP: Dead.
Jack: How?
Friar: I killed him. (Cheers again)
Edmund: From there I shall take you to the castle where we shall capture the King, and the Queen and the Prince. (More cheers)
Edmund: And then I will say to them (He rises) "The kingdom of Albion is ours, you are doomed to lives of exile. Get out!"
TFP: Exile?
Edmund: (proudly) Yeeesss, exile. For life.
GdG: Why don't we just... kill them?
Edmund: (upset) Well, I suppose we could kill them. (All rise and make for the door shouting "Kill them")
Edmund: Wait till I send the sign.
StIB: If I get a messenger with black-heads all over him, I'll kill the ugly bastard.
Wilfred: (with dagger to Edmunds throat) How do we know it isn't a trap?
Edmund: Because the Black Adder gives you his word.
Wilfred: We want your word not this Black Adder fellows.
Edmund: (hurt) But I am the Black Adder.
Wilfred: Oh I see.
Edmund: And when all is done, the Black Seal shall rule England. (Cheers)
Edmund: (climbing onto the table) We few, we happy few, we band of ruthless bastards. (Cheers)
Edmund: All for one...
Others: And each man for himself. (They leave, cheering) (A woodland clearing at night, Edmund and the Old Man sit around a camp fire near their steeds. Both are laughing)
Old Man: You're in a merry mood my lord.
Edmund: Yes. No-one can stop me now.
Old Man: No-one?
Edmund: No no-one... except perhaps... no not even him.
Old Man: And who might that be my Lord?
Edmund: Well there was a man, Philip of Bergundy, known to his enemies as, "The Hawk". We were deadly childhood rivals, although,of course, in those days he was known as "The Thrush", but no-ones heard of him for years. Well, come on, lets go we've got work to do.
Old Man: (From out of shot) (His voice has deepened and is more booming) Not so fast Edinburgh. This "Hawk" did he look something like this? (The old man transforms into a much larger man)
Edmund: Erm... no, not really. (Philip of Bergundy removes his false eye-brows)
Edmund: Oh my God, Philip of Bergundy.
Philip of Bergundy: Known to my enemies as... (Fanfare) (He dons a peaked cap with a feather in it)
Philip of Burgundy: ..."The Hawk"
Edmund: ...but your horse used to be a huge brown... (Huge brown horse enters shot)
Edmund: Oh yes, thats the one. Well its been very good to see you... erm... Phil. (Edmund makes to leave. Phillip of Bergundy steps on the toes of one of his shoes)
Philip of Burgundy: This time not fast enough.
Edmund: What do you want with me?
Philip of Burgundy: I'll tell you later (hits Edmund on the head with a hammer) (Manic laughter) (A dungeon. Phillip forces Edmund into the cell)
Philip of Burgundy: I return at last after fifteen years.
Edmund: And what have you been up to?
Philip of Burgundy: Waiting, plotting, nurturing my hatred and planning my revenge.
Edmund: Ah, so you've kept yourself busy.
Philip of Burgundy: Yes, fifteen years of living in France teaches a man to hate. Fifteen years of wearing perfume, fifteen years of eating frogs, fifteen years of saying "Pardon" and all because of you.
Edmund: But surely the scenery.
Philip of Burgundy: I never went outside. I couldn't stand the smell.
Edmund: What has all this got to do with me?
Philip of Burgundy: Because Edmund its going to take you fifteen years... to die!
Edmund: Fifteen years?
Philip of Burgundy: Yes.
Edmund: How?
Philip of Burgundy: I think it would be more amusing if you found out for yourself. Let us just say that it has something to do with snails. (he opens a panel in the wall to reveal several snails and then starts to leave the cell)
Edmund: Oh my God, where are you going?
Philip of Burgundy: Why to kill the royal family and claim the throne that isn't mine by right. (exits... later Edmund is still in the cell)
Edmund: Dear Lord, who made all the birds and the bees, and the snails, presumably, please help me, a little animal in my dispair. I have been a sinner but from now on I intend to follow the path of the Saints, particularly the very religious ones. In the name of the Father, the Son and of the Holy Ghost, Amen.
Voice: (from aside) Amen.
Edmund: What?
Voice: Amen I said. I'm sorry did I get it wrong? (A scruffy prisoner approaches Edmund) I haven't heard that word in twenty years you see.
Edmund: Who are you? I didn't realise I had company.
Prisoner: Oh "company", I haven't heard that word for twenty years either, or "realise", I'd completely forgotten. "Realise".
Edmund: Oh no, you're not mad are you ?
Mad Gerald: Yes I'm very mad thank you. Maaad. Thats a word I know. I say that every day. I say, "Good morning Mad Gerald, how are you today ?", and then I say, "I'm completely mad today thank you", and then I say, "Oh so there's not much change there then is there Gerald?", and I say, "No, well you'd be mad to expect any wouldn't you?", then I say, "But I am mad. I'm Mad Gerald...".
Edmund: (cutting in) QUIET. Shh.
Gerald: Ssshhh
Edmund: Look this may seem a stupid question...
Gerald: Question yes.
Edmund: ...but you wouldn't know if there's a way out of here would you?
Gerald: A way out. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha... (He continues)
Caption: 12 Months Later. (Edmund is sitting next to a skeleton, Mad Gerald is still laughing in the distance getting nearer)
Gerald: ...Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. "A way out" you say? I haven't heard those words "A way out" for... ooh.
Edmund: (in a tired voice) Twenty years?
Gerald: Yes twenty years. Not like "Mr Rat". I'm always saying "Mr Rat".
Edmund: (absently) Who?
Gerald: Mr Rat. I say "Good morning Mr Rat, how are you today" and he'll say (pressing his nose) "meep meep meep". (looks around for something to occupy him) Ah ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha ha... (Time passes. Edmund and Gerald are sitting on the floor of the cell)
Gerald: No you mustn't be rude about Mr Rat, he's my friend. Well, there's him (points to rat) and there's Mr Key.
Edmund: What?
Gerald: Mr Key (produces a key from his tunic), I made him from my own teeth. Good morning Mr Key. (Edmund grabs the key from Mad Gerald and runs to the door. As he's leaving Mad Gerald shouts from inside)
Gerald: Well close the bloody door! (Edmund stops a cart driving along the road outside)
Edmund: Stop, stop, where are you going?
Cart Driver: I'll tell you where, wherever I can sell these six black carrier pigeons I've got in the back, that's where.
Edmund: Six black homing pigeons?
Driver: Well, mostly.
Edmund: How much are they?
Driver: Six shillings.
Edmund: (checking his pockets) Oh damn.
Driver: But, I suppose, if you beat me and gagged me and tied me to that tree you could have 'em for less.
Edmund: Right. (Edmund leaves the cart driver tied to the tree, gagged and steals the cart. Edmund rides back to the castle where he releases the pigeons to find the Black Seal members. Each member receives the message and drops whatever he is doing) (Inside the castle)
Philip of Burgundy: By the striking of ten bells I shall claim the throne. (One by one the six other Black Seal members appear threatening Phillip of Bergundy and blocking any chances of his escape. There is a banging noise from one of the corridor doors)
Philip of Burgundy: Gentlemen, to whom do I owe this pleasure? (Edmund burst in unceremoniously, nearly tripping in the process)
Edmund: To me Bergundy!
Philip of Burgundy: Edmund, I hadn't expected to see you again.
Edmund: No. Dead men don't make social calls do they? Prepare to die.
Philip of Burgundy: Wait. Let me say just one thing.
Edmund: Which is.
Philip of Burgundy: If these men are what they seem to be, the six most evil men in the land...
Edmund: Yes they are. Your last sentence please.
Philip of Burgundy: Then they've made a pretty damned peculiar choice for their leader, haven't they my Lord Warden of the Privvies.
Edmund: What?! You think they should have chosen you, Thrush? (The six laugh)
Edmund: A man twisted by unbridled ambition?
Six: Huh?
Edmund: A man haunted by insatiable greed?
Six: Really?
Edmund: The most evil man in the world, you think they should have chosen you?
Six + Philip of Burgundy: Yes! (They change position so that Edmund is now encircled by the Black Seal)
Edmund: But he's a mindless killer. (Cheers)
Edmund: He'll destroy the Kingdom. (Cheers)
Edmund: He murdered his own parents.
TFP: Well, who didn't. I certainly killed mine.
WD: And I killed mine.
Friar: (to Sean the Irish Bastard) And I killed yours.
Sean the Irish Bastard: Did yer?
Friar: Yes.
Sean the Irish Bastard: Good on yer father.
Philip of Burgundy: Are you with me then?
Six: Yes!
Philip of Burgundy: (to Edmund) Prepare to die. (They ready themselves to kill Edmund)
Philip of Burgundy: Wait. I have a more amusing method.
Edmund: Amusing for whom I wonder.
Philip of Burgundy: Gentlemen. (he uncovers a torture chair, the Black Seal applaud appreciatively) (Edmund is placed in the chair)
Philip of Burgundy: In precisely one minute, the spike will go up your nethers. (indicates a large spike below the seat) The shears will cut off your ears. (toys with one of Edmunds ears that is between two blades of a pair of shears on the chair)
Edmund: Both of them?
Philip of Burgundy: Yes. Then these axes will chop off your hands and I do not think we need to go into the attributes of... the coddling grinder. (He indicates a rotating set of blades between Edmunds thighs) Then these feathers will tickle you under whats left of your arms and that is the amusing part. Gentlemen, let us go and slaughter the Royal Family. God save the King.
Six: Cos nobody else will. (They leave. Outside the room they approach two serving maids (One of whom has a beard). The maids have trays with goblets of wine on them)
Philip of Burgundy: Stop. First let us relieve these wenches of their delightful burden and drink a toast to our enterprise. May good thrive...
Six: Over our dead bodies. (They each drink a goblet full of wine then walk off. About five yards down the corridor they all grab their heads, fall over, lie still for a few seconds before their legs jerk and they lie still again. Sean the Irish Bastard gets up and walks back to the maids)
Sean the Irish Bastard: It's got a bit of a sting in its tail. (takes the last goblet, drinks it, walks off, grabs his head, falls over, lies still, twitches and finally dies. The serving wenches remove their hoods to reveal that they are in fact Percy and Baldrick. They leap in the air cheering)
Percy and Baldrick: Hooray. (In the distance we hear Edmund)
Edmund: Aaaargghh. Woooaaarrggh. Eeeek. Nya ha ha. (The court are assembled around Edmunds death bed. King Richard the Fourth, the Queen and Prince Harry stand at Edmunds bedside. Edmund is heavily bandaged and shows signs of bleeding from the ears, fore-head and wrist-stumps)
Queen: (softly) Oh Edmund, Edmund.
Harry: (slightly louder) Edmund?
King Richard: (in his usual manner) EDMUND!!!!!! (Edmunds eyes open)
King Richard: He lives! (The court cheers. There is a flash of Percy and Baldrick sitting talking in another chamber)
Edmund: Father, you called me Edmund.
King: Oh... Sorry, Edgar, how are you?
Edmund: Not so well. Harry what do you think my chances are?
Harry: Oh good, good.
Queen: He'll live?
Harry: Oh no sorry, I thought you meant your chances of going to heaven.
Edmund: (wearily) Oh damn.
King: Never mind my son, your body may be mutilated beyond recognition but your spirit will live forever. (to the court) My Lords... (Another flash to Percy and Baldrick)
Baldrick: What did you say?
King: I give you Edgar. (Another flash. Percy and Baldrick are running panicking towards the court)
Baldrick: I told you to poison the Black Seals' goblets not the whole batch! (Back to Court)
The Court: Edgar. (Edmund taps his fathers leg. Richard bends to listen to his son)
King: What is it? (Edmund whispers to him)
King: (holding his goblet aloft) The Black Dagger.
Court: The Black Dagger. (Everyone drinks)
Edmund: (quietly) Adder.
King: May his name last as long as our dynasty. (All the members of the court grab their heads in unison. They all fall to the ground and lie still. After a short time they all twitch, then they are still again)
Edmund: Good Lord. (Percy and Baldrick are still running)
Edmund: I wonder if it was the wine. (lifts his goblet to his lips and takes a sip) No, seems perfectly alright to me. And now at last I shall be K- (He grabs his head with his stumps, lies still, twitches and lies still again) CREDITS ROLL: Song:

Farewell you horrid man.