The Mekon Zone

That's it, the final verdict is in. After extensive investigation and unprecedented market research, Samuel B. Washington Club Testing UK has ruled that The Ritz IS a "pseudo trendy-skate meatmarket," as was controversially rumoured not less 24 hours ago. This startling revelation comes after the company founder, none other than Sammy B himself, patronised the establishment last night on no less than a nine Red Bull high, and, due to a combination of a blatant lack of purchasable Red Bull, woefully tragic music and a DJ whose manners, professionalism and concern for the average punter can only be described as "crap", still failed entirely to have a good night and went home early with the firm intent of leaving it a couple of weeks and then giving it another try. This reaction has come as a shock to many of Sammy's friends, who, less than six months ago, knew him to be a staunch purporter of the clubs merits. Even the world famous bouncy dance floor did little to lift the spirits of this disillusioned Ritz veteran. With the influx of a new generation of Ritz punter (trendy-skate freshers and pseudo goths who wear black simply because it's a shade they have in there wardrobe which seems to fit in with the atmosphere rather than as a statement of personality) and the management's apparent eagerness to forsake the Ritz regulars and humour this fresh source of income with chart dance and Verve centred indie, many of the once steadfast supporters of the club are now agreed that Jilly's Rockworld is most definitely the only place in Manchester where a half decent night out can be found. It seems that yet again, profit comes before service and another once fine establishment falls to the temptation of fast cash through bland consumerism and the promise of bad anonymous sex.

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