______Our story begins in a small kingdom in the Ningenkai…. Mystical things happen beyond the sea; old sailors could tell you that. In this place, just like in all those sappy, "here’s the moral kids" kinda stories—love reigns supreme, magic does exist and crossing a one-eyed grouch always gets ya into trouble. Now as is the case, like all stories this one has a moral to tell and a very important one that you all should remember. So let’s start the tale shall we?

______Deep in the seas of Ningenkai there lived a little mermaid. Not just any little mermaid but the most beautiful of them all…

______Kurama: "You know I really would appreciate it if you could call me a merman instead! Or a mer-yuoko. And do I really have to wear this stupid tail?!!"

______You’re supposed to be a beautiful sea creature, of course you need the tail!! …Fine…fine… ladies and gents, I stand corrected…a Mer-yuoko…. C’mon out Kurama and show the audience what I mean.

______Kurama: *hiding behind a large rock…"Forget it, man!! If you think I’m going to go out wearing this hideous bra, you’re kidding yourself! This thing could stop traffic!"

______*_* ‘ (sweatdrops) You’re supposed to be attractive for the men to fall in love with you, damnit! Of course you need the bra!! Just come out Kurama. The people here don’t exactly care whether you’re wearing a bra or not. Besides, you can pass for a woman anyway so it doesn’t matter…

______Kurama: * steps out angrily from behind the rock, cracking his knuckles slowly…"What did you say?!!"

______…*The audience goes wild!!! Loud hoots coming from up front and " strip it off…strip em all off!!" are coming from the back (more likely made by the hentais positioned near the bar…

*Kurama glares at the audience and all goes deathly silent….

______*more sweatdrops…Ah, okay, back to the story…before Little Mer-youko over here decides to drown us in the sea. Anyway, as I was saying… there lived a little mer-yuoko in the sea of Ningenkai..the most beautiful creature anyone has ever seen! ( more cat calls) He had everything he wanted in life. Daughter ..erm, Son of the Sea King and the most prized child of the Aquatic Royal Family--- you’d think he would have been contented….

______But Little Miss --er Mister Mer-yuoko was not. He was always craving for things he couldn’t have. Life in the sea wasn’t better than anything they had "up there." Against his father’s wishes he always surfaced up to the dry grounds of the Ningenkai, hoping to spot something that would interest him.

*Kurama throws out a pair of binoculars and starts scoping out the buff- bodies down at the beach.

______And that always seemed to get her into trouble with her Father… but heck with a Father like hers---who wouldn’t want to get out of the sea as soon as possible??!!

______Kuwabara: " Hey, I resent that! I, Kazuma….oops, KING Kazuma Kuwabara am the most handsome talented King in all of Ningenkai and you must all bow and worship me!"

______Yusuke: *coming out from the wings.." Hold it right there, King of Ningenkai but aren’t you forgetting one tiny detail. I rule the lands of Ningenkai, so technically that makes me the best King!"

______Kuwabara: "Urameshi, you don’t have half of what it takes to be a King. A true king is someone brave and strong; a good fighter…just like me! And for your information I own the Seas of Ningenkai so technically I own Ningenkai too!"

______Yusuke: *balling up his fists…" Oh yeah, well technically I own Makai too so I have more lands than you and that makes me better, you know! All hail King Yusuke!!"

______Kuwabara: * releases his Rei-ken…" Properties don’t spell out a good king, Urameshi. Why don’t we test out our strengths right now, ne?! Let’s see who’s the best king around here!"

______Yusuke: *grinning…"You’re on, Baka! But I’m warning ya…I’m not gonna be easy on ya this time!!"

______Hold on, Yusuke! You’re not even supposed to be on this scene yet! Get out and wait for your cue! And stop messing around with Kuwabara! We’ve got a story to tell and half of the time is up and we’re barely past scene 1!!

______Kuwabara: "Um, don’t forget, that’s King Kuwabara!"

______KUWABARA!!!!

______*Yusuke exits grumbling….

______Anyway, life for the little mer-yuoko wasn’t easy. Curiosity always seemed to get the best of him. And even if he had quite good intentions, trouble always seemed to find him everywhere. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop him from going up to shore. And one day, while his Father was off doing some Kingdom work---

______*Kuwabara is seen chasing after Yukina…

______--- Kurama found himself all alone with nothing to do….well, nothing to do but escape that is! In a flash he was out the palace doors and heading with lightning speed up to the shores of the Ningenkai. Reaching the top of the water he was surprised to find this large wooden ship heading his way. There was a large party going on aboard the ship and Kurama hastily swum up to one of the planks for a little spy-in.

______Kurama: *peeping through a hole in the ship…" Well, who ever said pirates couldn’t be sexy?!"

______And there, to his surprise and amazement, Kurama saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen…something he was so sure could far encompass his own beauty!

______Kurama: "Oh my gosh, that’s a beauty! I think I’m in love"…..* puts a hand to his heart…" In all my life I’ve never grown rose bushes as beautiful and luscious as that!! Gosh, I have to find out who the gardener is!!"

______Kurama!! Not that!! To your right …your right….NOT the left!!

______*Kurama turns his head reluctantly from the plant and suddenly his jaws drop open…

______That’s better! As I was saying, Kurama felt mesmerized by this creature’s beauty, poise, grace and—

______Kurama: " Size!! Man, do you see that size of that thing!!" * eyes the bulge in Hiei’s pants critically… " Wow I didn’t know you could have such a big *ahem…for such a small koorime!!"

______Kurama! There are children in this room! Keep those comments to yourself! Anyway, whatever it was Kurama saw in him, it’s safe to say that he was extremely attracted to the small prince who was now leaning by the side of the ship, clapping his hands to the gaily music.

______Hiei:" I do NOT clap my hands to what you call "gaily" music. In fact I’m just biding my time till I can slice that stupid ningen musician into pieces. Has anyone ever told him he sounded like a sick cow?!"

______Karasu: *putting down the microphone.."Well, I don’t suppose you can do better you little shrimp! You probably can’t even carry a single tune!"

______Hiei: "Hn. I wouldn’t even want to try. These are stupid ningen traditions!"

______Point of information, Hiei, but as you remain the Prince in this story then you are kinda technically a ningen too so just get along with it will you?! Unless, you want me to use brutal force and bring in the sweet, green Makai liquid. I’m sure that’ll get ya singing in no time…

______Hiei: *grumbling…" Fine, fine…I’ll join the stupid singing…"

______*Kurama watches in wide eyed amazement.

______Kurama: " I can’t believe it!! How did you do that?!! It’s taken me ages to get him to sing for me!!"

______Charm darling, charm…works everytime! Anyway, the night wore on with lots more singing and dancing and celebrating. The little mer-youko unfortunately just stayed by the water side watching all the fun and frolic from a distance. But she was content with just floating there, watching the handsome prince from afar.

______Kurama: *trying to climb up the plank…" Are you kidding me?!! Let me at him!! Damn this stupid tail! I keep slipping!!

______Ummm….that’s why I told you it was essential to have the tail…or else I was sure you’d come crawling after him even before the night’s through. Besides, this is a fairytale Kurama…NOT a porn-movie!!

*Cries of disappointment and loud guffaws echo in the background.

______Has everyone gone insane?! I for one want to enjoy a story without any lemon or hentai in it please…. So before Kurama can find another way up there let’s move on shall we?!

______Kurama: "AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

______What is it now, Kurama?

______Kurama: *pushes Karasu off as he swims on to Kurama…." Get him off me!!!Pervert!" *slap

______Hiei: "Get your hands off MY fox, you hear!!"

______Karasu: "Oh yeah…and who’s gonna stop me??! You?!! You little shrimp!!"

______Hiei: *drawing his sword…" You know you’ve been annoying me all evening. If you don’t stay away from Kurama right now I’m going to make you sorry you ever laid a hand on him. And I’m sure my friend would want to do the same thing too…"

______*Hiei unwraps the bandages on his arm. *sweatdrop…Oh no…. Hiei, I hope you’re kidding…This is supposed to be a non-hentai, non-violent kinda fanfic…there are kids out there for gosh sakes!!! Ooooh, I can’t look!!!

______*Karasu swipes a small waterbomb but completely misses the koorime. Instead, he ends up blowing up the whole ship!!

______*opening one eye…. Oh my gosh, that’s perfect!! Okay, okay, so the ship, out of some unnatural causes, suddenly falls apart. The little mer-yuoko starts to fear for his prince’s life and dives deep down into the water looking for him….

______Hiei: *sputtering…" Help…I can’t…swimghrfghmln…..

______Kurama: I’ll save you koibito!!! *dives down into the water…" Mrgohpkjjld…heck, how do you expect me to swim with this stupid tail?!! Mryghfjkl…."

______And amidst the ruins of the ship the little mer-yuoko, after searching long and hard, saved the Prince’s life and brought him back to safety. He knew he was breaking the biggest law his Father had set upon him but could he help it? He couldn’t really let the Prince drown could he?

______He dragged him straight on to the shore, and tried to revive him, hoping the person he loved wasn’t dead.

______Kurama: "Mmmmmm…..man, I always liked these rescue scenes. Gives me a good reason to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation."

______Hiei: "Mrghpkl…get him off me!!! I can’t breathe!!! *cough cough

______Well, basically he saved the Prince’s life anyway but he knew that it was impossible for the Prince to find out what his true form really was so before the Prince could fully awaken, Kurama had swiftly dove back into the sea to hide behind one of the shore’s large rocks and watch his love slip right out of his fingers. Ohhhh…what a sad tale…*sniff..*snifff…man, I hate parts like---hey!!! What do you think you’re doing??!!!

______Kurama: "Mmmmmm…Just one more kiss…I think I can feel an erec--."

______Kurama! Get your butt back in the water…NOW!

______*Kurama jumps into the sea, leaving Hiei gasping for breath and tingling with all different sensations rushing through his body.

______But as the Mer-yuoko leaves, she sings to him a haunting melody, with her soft musical voice; the most beautiful voice anyone has ever heard. The only trace the Prince had of what he thought was a beautiful dream.

______Kurama: "Hey, it pays to have voice lessons!"

______Yeah well, anyway before the Prince could spot the magnificent creature that saved his life, he was already gone and the only thing to greet the lone Prince was the soft crashing of the waves. The Prince vowed to himself that day that he would find that magnificent creature, for in that brief meeting of sorts, the Prince had finally fallen in love….

______Hiei: "Hn. What the hell are you talking about you baka ningen! I have never fallen in love and I never will. Do you understand??!!!"

______Kurama: *popping out of the rock he was hiding in…" Are you challenging me, koibito? Oh, I’m up for those kinds of challenges. You’ll fall to me yet, Hiei…just you wait!!"

______Kurama! Get out of here!! How many times do you have to ruin this story for everyone?!! Sheesh!!

______Hiei: *growling …"She’s right…once we finish this damned story, you’re in big trouble, kitsune…"

______Kurama: "Alright, alright…geez…I was just having some fun. *slinks away from the shore."

______Okay, so the King and Queen of the Ningenkai—LAND were so happy to see their son back, safe and sound, having heard about the wrecked ship. But of course, as concerned and meddling parents, they still had a big problem… how to find their son a suitable match to marry.

______Yusuke:" I doubt it if any girl in their right mind would wanna marry a grouch like him!"

______Keiko: " Shush, Yusukichie! He might hear you! He’s just in the other room, sulking his days away as usual."

______Yusuke: *raising an eyebrow…" Man, you’re really into this role aren’t you??!"

______Keiko: " Well, of course, Yusukichie. Seems like a lot of fun."

______Yusuke: " Yusukichie?!! Where the hell did you get that??!!!"

______Keiko: " I made it up…why? Dontcha like it??!!!"

______Yusuke: " Keiko, you make me sound like a Chinese Gourmet dish!! Cut it out!!"

______Keiko: " Oh is that so, Yusuke Urameshi?!!" *grabs a super-space hammer….

______Out!! Out, both of you!! Drop that thing right now Keiko, you might hurt someone with that hammer!!

______Keiko: " Yeah, preferably Yusuke!"

______Yusuke: " Hehehe…glad to see your back to normal, Keiko-chan….hey, you’re letting us leave already??!! Do you mean that’s all the screen time that we get??!! Kuwabara had more time than this!!"

______Sorry, Yusuke, that’s the way the ball bounces….

______Yusuke: " Don’t we even get to re-appear on any other scenes??!!"

______Nope sorry. Sayonara…bye-bye!! Now back to our little mer-yuoko. For days after she saw the Prince she remained inconsolable. Sad, distant, dreary…and her Father was getting really worried…

______Kuwabara: " Well, Yukina-san…you know how strong and macho I am…I’ll protect you from the wolves…"

______I said: " Her Father was getting really worried this time!!!"

______Kuwabara: "…and so I told him, " Baka, if you’re not going to stop hurting Yusuke and my friends I’m going to---"

______*sigh…Well, anyway, he was worried at some time. So Kurama continued to spend his days in complete depression, alone and dreaming of his darling Prince. And during this time, he didn’t seem to notice the dark sinister figure hovering around him, like a spider would a fly…

______Mukuro: " Hey, do you have to make me sound that bad? Why do I always have to be the bad guy in fanfics?!! Can’t I be the good guy for once?!"

______Well, not in this one, honey, gomen ne…maybe next time. Anyway, this dark sinister figure was really known to all as the dark sea witch and she was and still is the Sea King’s worst enemy.

______Mukuro: " Yep. You bet your balls he’s my enemy. Any person that Hiei hates I hate the same…"

______The witch was a brilliant schemer and as she watched the little mer-yuoko’s day to day actions (which consisted of nothing but moping around all day) a plan began to form inside her head. If she could trick the little meryuoko into a deal she was sure he was going to lose, then maybe with a few bargains here and there, she could give the Sea King what he really deserved! Perfect! It all seemed to fall into place just perfectly.

______Mukuro: " So, little mer-yuoko… care to make a deal with me. Let me end your suffering."

______Kurama: *snorting…" The only way you’re going to end my suffering is to wring my neck, no thank you."

______Mukuro: " I meant make a deal with me and I’ll help you get to the Prince, as well as throw in a good pair of shears for that stupid looking tail of yours."

______Kurama: *looking at her warily…" What’s in it for you?"

______Mukuro: " Well, once we get this thing over with we can go on with our lives and never have to be bothered again by these stupid fish extremities. These stupid tentacles are killing me!!"

______Kurama: " S’okay, knowing you Mukuro, there’s a catch isn’t there? So what is it?"

______Mukuro: " Nothing important Kurama…just your ningen form…"

______Kurama: " What?!! Then how do you suppose I meet Hiei?!"

______Mukuro: " Well, you still have your Yuoko form left right?"

______Kurama: " Yes well, but…"

______Mukuro: " Hey, do you want that stupid tail out or not?" *holds out the shears enticingly

______Kurama: *twitches for a minute…" Okay, okay, I give up! Gimme the shears and I’ll change back into my Yuoko form."

______So it happened that Kurama’s tail was magically transformed by the witch into human legs so he could walk on land (let’s just put it at that, shall we?) and in return he drank this magical potion that would make him remain in his Yuoko Kurama form for about three days. If he failed to kiss Hiei in three days time then Kurama’s soul, both ningen and Youko would become hers.

______Mukuro: " What?! Are you crazy?!! I never said kiss…I said if Kurama is able to seduce Hiei into sleeping with him only then will the contract be void.. A kiss is too easy!"

______Okay fine…well, whatever Mukuro said….anyway, now that Kurama had legs he decided to not waste anymore precious time and erm…uhhh….try to fulfill his part of the deal. He ran happily to the castle only to find out that the ten thousand guards stationed inside wouldn’t let him in.

______Kurama: " But I’m here to see Hi—Prince Hiei. I’m a personal friend… Tell him Kurama’s here to see him…"

______Guard: " Sorry, there ain’t no ‘Kurama’ on this list of guests allowed to enter… To tell you the truth, he’s not allowing this list of guests to enter either! Now if you’ll please just step away from the gate, thank you."

______Kurama watched in dismay as they lowered the gate in front of him, barring him any entrance. But he didn’t give up. One way or another he was going to capture Hiei’s heart and yuokos were known to never give up. So with the first day almost up, Kurama decided to wait till nightfall before he went on with his plan. As all the lights began conking out Kurama hunted around for an open window he could sneak himself into. It was pure luck that Prince Hiei’s window remained open. Or maybe it wasn’t. The Prince was probably having fanciful dreams about the beautiful mer-yuoko again.

______Kurama: *leaping in through the window and splatting against the glass…." Hey! I thought you said it was an open window??!!"

______Hiei: " Smart move, fox…REALLY smart! Thank goodness for sturdy windows!"

______Kurama: " Give me a break, Hiei! You’ve got to sleep with me now or I’m going to be meryuoko meat in three days!"

______Hiei: *eyes widening…" Whaddaya mean sleep with you??!"

______Kurama: " I mean…K’so….what I meant was….oh, just let me in will ya Hiei?! Then I’ll explain…"

______Hiei: " Over my dead body, kitsune!"

______Kurama: *while the koorime runs away…." Hiei! Come back here!"

______Well so much for catching the guy you like! So far Hiei has not been susceptible to Kurama’s charms. Kids, maybe it’s because he’s in love with the Ningen Kurama and not Yuoko Kurama. Well, he still has two days left, ne…. let’s see how day 2 has turned out…

Day 2:

______Kurama: * panting and running after a small koorime…"Come back here, you little shrimp!!"

______Hiei: " I’ve told you once and I’m saying it again…I’m not going to do it!!"

______Kurama: " How about if I give you ice cream, Hiei. Don’t you like ice cream?"

______Hiei: " Not if you’re going to slap it all over my body, no!!"

______Kurama: " Makai wine then? *pant… pant"

______Hiei: " Forget it Kurama!"

______Two days had already passed and still Yuoko Kurama could not get the Prince to fall in love with him. Thus came the dawn of the third day, his last chance to fulfill the bargain. Unbeknownst to Hiei, Mukuro had changed herself into Kurama’s ningen form and set out to seduce the Prince herself, in order to make the little mer-yuoko lose the bet.

______Mukuro: " Naw, I just want Hiei for myself! "

______Hiei: *struggling in Mukuro’s grasp… " Lemme go!! Kurama, you promised!!"

______Mukuro: " Promises were made to be broken, sweetie! Now on the bed!"

______*Lights off and a lot of shuffling is heard. The audience hoots for the house lights to go on.

______Erm, ladies and gents, ummm..I don’t think you really want to see this I mean…this isn’t technically part of The Little Mermaid you know! But just to explain things err…erm….Mukuro was able to steal Hiei away from the little mer-yuoko and is currently …ummm…well…..hey, what’s that moving near the door??

______Cloaked stranger:" Hiei..psst..over here!"

______Hiei: *scrambles through a small hole in the door…" Thanks… man, I thought I was a goner! I owe you one! Who are you anyway?"

______Cloaked stranger: " It’s me, Mukuro… come with me. I’ll hide you from Kurama." *opens a bedroom door.

______Hold on, hold on…you can’t be Mukuro ! She’s in the other room thinking she’s f*cking Hiei…what’s going on in here?!

______Cloaked stranger: *locking the door and throwing the key out of the window…" Hey, whoever said I couldn’t play her game too! " * throws the cloak of his head…" Now, Hiei, you’re finally mine!"

______Kurama?!! Wait a minute…so who’s with Mukuro??

______Kurama: *throwing Hiei on the bed…" I thought Karasu needed some fun in his life…. He seemed happy to oblige when he saw who was in the room… he seems to have this thing for red heads!" *grinning as he chains Hiei to the bed…" So get on with the story..this is my favorite part!"

______Ah..yes…well…there you have it folks erm….so the Prince and the Sea Prince live happily ever after---

______Kurama: " What?! Where’s my lemon scene?! You mean I went through all this trouble and the stupid story’s going to end like this…No fair!!"

______B-but the audience---

______*loud shouts are heard and tomatoes go flying down center stage

______Oh fine! What the hell!! Forget about the no-hentai/lemon rule!! Who cares anymore??!! And so the cunning little yuoko captures the Koorime Prince and tired of waiting three whole days decides to finally finish the deal off. The Prince of course is elated to finally be with his one true love…

______Hiei: " EEEEEGGGGAAAAAAADDDDDD!!!! Let me out of here!!!!"

______Kurama: " Shhh, koibito…this is going to be one fun night…."

______Hiei: " Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh….oh…….oooooh ……lower, Kurama…lower…" *groans heard in the background

______*Lights Out

______And so all was at peace in the little kingdom of Ningenkai, with the exception of the nightly groans coming from the palace every night. The King was happy, the queen was happy, the Sea King was happy; the little mer-yuoko finally found contentment and the Prince finally found love and all of them lived happily ever after in Ningenkai…All’s well ends well.

______Mukuro: *twitching …"Not so fast… I have a score to settle with Kurama!!!"

______Kurama: " Uh-oh..time to exit..stage left!!!"

______Oh well… And so the moral of the story is: " Don’t ever let a one-eyed witch sleep with a pervert, unless you’re planning to die early. Fried fox isn’t good for the stomach…"

______Owari!