One day Bob decided he needed to buy a car, since of course you can't cruise for chicks in a puddle of water. So he dragged himself up and out and set off to find a car dealer who would a) be able to see him and hear his little tiny voice, and b) be willing to sell him a car using for collateral only his astounding good looks.

"Man," said Mike, "Bob's really gone around the bend this time. Does he think he'll even be able to operate a car? All three of us together couldn't do it."

"Man, you are so constantly negative," said Steve. "Why can't you let him have his moment in the sun."

Under his breath, Mike said: "Yeah, right. If he spends a moment in the sun he'll be one dried up little spot."

Fortunately for Bob, it was raining that day, greatly facilitating his travel. He managed to catch a bus ride by sticking to the side of a really attractive woman's high heeled shoe; he spent most of the trip gazing upward in a sort of religious awe as she stood above him. "I should get out more often," he thought.

Finally he got to his stop and made his slow way to the car lot. Just about that time the sun broke through the clouds and began turning him into something a dog might lick off the ground because they're not too bright when it comes to what they put in their mouths. As the last of his moisture sizzled away, he thought to himself, "Man, I really should have listened to that fucking pessimist Mike; he apparenlty knew what he was talking about." Then he was gone.

Meanwhile, back at the puddle, Steve and Mike were arguing over what they were going to have for dinner.

"I want to order a pizza," said Steve.

"I think you're at the wrong point in the food chain to be ordering pizza," said Mike. "Better to stick to little single celled aquatic organisms."

"Man, those are so gross! I'm sick of eating like that! I want to live, to live like normal people do!" said Steve. The moment felt like it should have music welling up from somewhere.

Even if you were a normal person, you wouldn't be a normal person, thought Mike.

"I know what you're thinking, you asshole. I would too be a normal person," said Steve.

"How could you have possibly known that?" asked Mike.

"I could tell by your expression," said Steve, preparing to make the hazardous trek across the road to the pay phone. "Hey, can I borrow a quarter to make a phone call?"

"I didn't know paramecia HAD expressions," said Mike, searching for change in his pocket. Then he realized he didn't have pockets and didn't have any change anyway. "Sorry, man, I'm flat broke," he said, grinning at the relatively small pun.

"That's okay," said Steve, who had fortuitously found a quarter someone had dropped. Now to figure out how to get it up to the slot on the phone. He slid under it and began undulating along.

"Good luck, man," called Mike, who felt a twinge of genuine concern as the second of his two only friends went off to meet certain death.

As Steve made his way to the phone, a child picked up the quarter; life being what it is, Steve stuck to the quarter, which the child then took to the pay phone and dropped into the slot. "This is kind of a mixed blessing," though Steve, as he fell through the inner workings of the phone. When the quarter passed through the device that closed the circuit to allow the call to be made, a small discharge of electricity happened to pass through the coin and it's slimy little rider, enough of a charge, as it happens, to fry Steve pretty much instantaneously. The last thought that passed through his head was, "Did I do something to deserve this?" Of course, the answer is no, he didn't, but life ain't fair, unfortunately.

Mike, waiting patiently back at the puddle, eventually died of shear boredom. Imagine that.