the blues in my head have been turning for centuries, and its all over the fact that i am a naive fucking soul...
here i am beating the shit out of myself... almost daily... over being alone, and now i see the extent of it all...
i mean, my naiveté wasn't huge, but it was awful cumbersome when it got down to it...
after reading a homepage full of descriptive desperate writings of someone on the edge of suicide, i went out and found some more...
and some more...
and some more...
and now it finally hits me.. i mean i realised that noone out there was any different, but it finally sunk in FULLY to my cortex.....
i am not an individual.
i am not unique.
not in my pains.
and you would think with all this suffering and shite that SOME PAIR of fucking losers could hook up..
but we're sooooo cut off anymore....
im an inhumane beast, and you dont care, she doesnt care, he
doesnt care whether i ought to live or die or fuck or be lonely
or
rape animals or die or die or die or die or live.
support groups dont work for anyone....
"codependency hotline- for when you need help!"
rather fruitless world of trash we live, i suppose, in.... and why do i use the world we?
i ought to use the word you from now on... or even better
everyone, or still better THEM.
because i have had enough bullshit, lies, superficiality and beggarly instincts of these amoeba.... these drones that pass for humanity.... living in their hoover lives of polished china and dustless desk tops... little flower print heads in rockwell houses....
just shut up and dont think and smile, and go to school, try hard (now changed to get good grades... it's just not the same anymore....), impress your elders, stand out, but don't make a scene, be creative, but dont rock the boat...
kill me, but dont take my life....
its all the same to sheep....
and thats all anyone is to me....
guilty of inhumanity until proven insane.
ive said it before and now i can say it again, and again, just like i TRY to quit drinking, smoking, using drugs, and masturbating....
FUCK 'EM ALL.
because who needs me, unless they ask?
and i ask everybody.
i need everybody.
but who needs me?