Howard: Hey, there he is. Hey Noel. How ya doin? Good to see ya. Hey this is a big day today. We got the guy who got burned up by his dad when he was six years old and now we got Noel.
Robin: The guy who fights with his brother.
Noel (in background): Yeah, the fellow with his testicles pierced.
H: yeah, pierced himself. Now we got a guy who fights with his brother.
N: Pierced himself laughing at the same time right (I think this is what he said he still wasn't near the microphone yet so it was hard to make out)
R: A lot of family squabbles in here.
H: Take a seat and relax Noel. We call you the stable Gallagher.
N: Oh, I see.
H: Good to see you.
N: Cause loads of horses live in my ass.
H: Yes, there's something very stable. Noel of course you're in the band Oasis.
N: I am indeed, yeah.
H: You got a lot of hits and everything and uh, you know it's funny, when I think about bands and stuff, to me a band is like, in a way like a small corporation.
N: yeah.
H: Like you guys, when you hit big, and the odds of hitting big are what, about a billion to one?
N: yeah, something like that, yeah.
H: Yeah, something like that, and especially for two brothers to be so talented and like, to get a band together and everything...
N: Two brothers talented! There's only one talented brother in my group!
H: Right, exactly. Well, I dindn't want to say anything...
R: Well, that's the argument isn't it?
N: But, but, but, you were going to say it though weren't you?
H: Yes, I was going to say it. But, uh, but Noel, you know what I mean, it's like, it's like the odds are a billion to one. I mean, when you used to tell people when you were a kid like growing up that you were gonna be a rock star, they probably said like, you're full of crap, right?
N: Oh, yeah, totally.
H: They were like oh yeah...
N: They still do mate.
H: They do right. No, but I mean, you know how many kids always are...I was in a band but I sucked.
N: yeah, yeah.
H: But I thought for sure that I'd succeed. I can't play an instrument but I thought I'd succeed.
N: The worst, the wor, the worst is trying to convince your mother that you're going to be a big rock star one day when she's going, well look, just go out and get a proper job. You know.
H: Right.
N: No, No. I'm going to be on TOTP, I'm going to be on Howard Stern one day and she's going, ha ha ha ha.
H: Yeah, great.
R: You're from Manchester?
N: Yeah.
H: You better be with an accent like that.
R: I was gonna say, yeah.
N: I know, ahh, yeah.
R: I love that accent. Can't understand a word.
H: I gotta go over to your country next week. It's like, I gotta go and promote my movie.
N: oh yeah.
H: yeah, I don't wanna go in the worst way.
N: And why?
H: They've been writing crap about me in the tabloids.
N: No, no, I tell you, the other day though, there was a, they were writing some really good things because you dissed Chris Evans really badly and everybody hates Chris Evans in England.
H: They do?
N: Oh, yeah, yeah.
R: oh, alright!
H: Oh good, alright. That's what I was afraid of, I thought they...
N: Well, he's got ginger hair anyhow you know what I mean, so...
H: Oh, I thought he was a beloved guy.
N: Nah.
H: This guy came on the show and this whole thing blew up in my face and everything.
R: Right.
H: Yeah, no like, all of a sudden I figure I'm gonna go over there and people are gonna be throwin stuff at me.
N: No, no no! They'll be giving you flowers over there after doing that. H: Oh really?
N: Yeah, I'm telling you.
R: Oh good.
H: And then I was arguing with some English guy. I said boy it's a good thing we helped you out in WW II or you guys woulda lost. And the guy goes (he attemps an English accent here)- Oh, we would not have lost! - I don't know, everyone's all uptight you know what I'm saying?
N: Absolutely.
H: Yeah, right. So um..anyway, a band when they finally make it to me is like a corporation in the sense that you finally arrive.
R: Yeah, cause you guys didn't have any money.
N: No, still don't.
H: I don't buy that.
N: No, no, no, no.
H: Oh you got some money right?
N: Oh, yeah, I've got money
H: Right and then I, what my goal would be is to preserve the product.
R: At all costs.
H: But you and your brother are always fighting right? And your brother's like the lead singer and then you have to become the lead singer.
N: I know.
H: It's just like a pain in the ass. What's his problem?
N: Uh...ssss...ah....well...if I knew that, if I knew that, I swear I'd have even more money than I have now because I don't...
R: And I understand that sometimes it even gets physical.
N: It does, as the...
H: You can beat up...
N: Excuse me?
H: Can you beat your brother...
N: We're not that close! (someone made a remark in the background about them getting *physical*)
H: We don't mean like that. Can you...was he a problem your whole life?
N: Yeah, he's like umm, he is! He is! He still is!
H: He's a problem?
N: He's alright until he has a beer and then once he has a beer he just becomes a lunatic.
H: Right. Okay, so the drinking is the problem.
N: Yeah, yeah, definitely.
H: So have you gone to him and like confronted him and said like, hey man you gotta stop drinking?
N: Oh yeah, yeah many a time, yeah.
H: And what does he say, buzz off and I'm not going to listen to you?
N: Yeah, he just like grabs a beer and never lets us talk about it.
H: Is he the older brother?
N: No, no, he's five years younger than me.
H: Ah, so no wonder he doesn't want to listen to you.
N: Aha, I know, well he doesn't listen to anyone you see.
H: Really?
N: No, he was uh, where was he, we were out last night watching Radiohead down at Irving Plaza and he was going round just pinching peoples bums.
H: Really, well you can't do that.
N: Yeah, well just like total strangers man, do you know what I mean? It's like, I'm like what are you doing!!!
H: And marriage hasn't helped. He got married didn't he?
N: Yeah, he did yeah.
H: To some famous chick.
R: Patsy Kensit?
H: Who is that?
N: Patsy Kensit.
R: She's an actress.
H: She's an actress?
N: She's an actress. She was in a band years ago in England. She was a...
H: Oh yeah?
N: She used to do commercials and stuff for Rice Krispies I believe.
R: Yeah but now she marries and dates rock stars.
N: And now she's married a rice krispie.
H: Yeah, yeah right. And she must be a pain in the ass too right?
N: Oh, ho...no comment.
R: Yeah, I think there's a little bit of Yoko vibe goin on there.
N: I never said that. I never said that!
H: So now you have to put up with...
N: You're talking about my sister-in-law there.
H: So now you gotta put up with both of them right?
N: Yeah.
Howard: So you're the guy the record company goes to when they want to talk business and stuff.
Noel: Yeah, yeah.
H: Yeah, right. You can't even approach your brother on that.
N: No!
H: I think that's so great.
Robin: But you know, this is about nobody even knowing when they're together. Whether they're together.
H: That's the fun of it.
N: Plus it keeps it exciting.
H: Not for you but for us.
N: Well, I mean, that's what keeps it exciting. I mean, who'd wanna be in a band like Bon Jovi and always be mates all the time you know.
H: Actually I don't think those guys are mates.
N: Aren't they...umm...who else, who else...
H: Who else is there?
N: No one, all bands hate each other anyway don't they?
H: It seems like bands in particular are just like...artists just get wacked out and they all of a sudden say like I gotta go do my own thing...Like we had Motley Crue in and they were saying...
R: It seems like poverty keeps them together.
H & N: Yeah.
N: Yeah but Alice Cooper gets wacked out and starts playing golf.
H: Yeah, I don't...
N: What's all that about?
H: Yeah, I don't understand that, I can't explain that. He became like a business man.
N: But he's in all the adverts isn't he, for golf courses in like Las Vegas snd stuff. It's like, listen I mean...
R: Yeah, like who...
N: If you were gonna go and play golf you would not go to a golf course where you see Alice Cooper walking around with a great big piece of metal in his hand. I mean you wouldn't would you?
H: No I don't think so. So you'll never do that. You'll never uh...
N: What? Play golf?
H: Right.
N: Well, not with Alice Cooper anyway.
H: Right. So the secret is to umm...hook up with some sane people but it's very difficult because you gotta find...
R: How do you find them in the rock 'n' roll business?
H: You, you can't find them. It's very difficult. So anyway you and your brother are very much together now right?
N: Yeah, yeah.
H: Okay and the band Oasis is together and you got a new album coming out.
N: Yeah.
H: Now I don't have the new album yet, nor do I have the new single yet. They're telling me that you've agreed to play some of your great hits right?
N: Yeah.
H: Alright well, let me uhh...lets see what do you wanna do first? You wanna do uh, Wonderwall?
N: I'll do Wonderwall yeah.
H: Okay, alright, we'll do a little of that.
N: Just pass me that little guitar there.
H: Little guitar. I wanna see how this sounds. I'm a little nervous about it.
R: Well, do a sound check.
H: Let's do a soundcheck first alright.
N: A soundcheck?
H: You like echo on ya?
N: Echo? Is that some sexual term?
H: No, do you like echo? seriously.
N: No.
H: You don't like reverb?
N: No...ah, well no that'll do, that's fine.
H: You know when I saw you guys on MTV, remember the time like there was an MTV awards and then afterwards everyone said your brother was not putting his heart into the song...I thought the song sounded good.
R: I thought it was fine...I liked it.
N: It was just...again he was drunk you know, so...
H: He was drunk but I thought he sounded good drunk.
N: I thought he sounded alright, yeah.
H: Yeah, I didn't think it was so bad.
R: I liked that aloof sort of attitude he had.
N: Aloof? He doesn't even know what that means.
H: Let me hear the guitar. What it sounds like...You think that sounds good?
N: Yeah.
(Noel proceeds to play Wonderwall.)
H: That was a goddamn good song buddy!
N: Thank you very much.
R: What do you need the other guy for?
H: Yeah, you really don't need him if you think about it.
N: To play chess with. I heard you before saying he was gonna bet...he was gonna play chess with your boyfriend and if he won you'd have to get married. See the thing is, she wants to get married but she doesn't want anyone to know that she wants to get married cause she wants to be a big tough woman going like - he's gonna ask me!!
H: Yeah, exactly.
N: What would you...what I want to know is what happens if someone starts cheating, then you're going to think a lot less of your boyfriend.
H: I'll just play him in chess, I don't care.
N: Know what I mean.
H: Noel, bear with me for a second here.
N: Okay.
H: A song like that.
N: Yeah.
H: That's about like how like...who says guys can't be sensitive man! I mean that's a beautiful song. That's about like some...like the bitches could save your life. Like maybe you're the bitch that could change my whole life right?
R: You know what? Noel just got married...maybe there was a woman.
H: Is that about your bitch? It's alright that's okay to say right? We're guys man, we can talk about...
R: You're not Biggie Smalls.
H: Listen guys, I'm very caught up in the rap community. Sorry. No, but you just got married right man?
N: Yeah, I got married...
H: Why'd you do that man?! You got all the girls man!!!
N: I got married in Vegas on Thursday.
H: Oh, you're crazy.
R: Yeah, that Little Church of the something or other.
N: By Elvis...why? you're married!
H: I'm married but I got married before I got famous. I didn't know what I was doing. I was nineteen years old.
N: Yeah, well I...
H: I'm a goddamn old man now.
N: Ah well never mind.
H: I'm forty something years old.
N: Yeah but you've got to do it haven't you?
H: Yeah but listen to me...
N: Once I mean like because if you don't get married then you can't go through the actual joy of divorce can you?
H: Right. You wanna go through divorce. You wanna try everything.
N: Hey, you've got to experience...my mam always said to me try to experience everything that you can.
H: Do you realize how many great songs you'll write about divorce.
N: Oh, absolutely.
H: You think these love songs are good man, wait till you go through divorce, there'll be anger.
N: Yeah the breaking up songs are always the best ones.
H: That's about your woman that song.
N: Yeah it is, yeah.
H: Like maybe you're the one who can change me, make...
N: Yeah.
H: Make me the man I...oh man
N: No see. I wrote that a couple of years ago when she was my girlfriend but it's...
H: Whenever I hear that song I think about a particular girl...
N: I was on prozac at the time.
H: Oh, were you really? How is that?
N: It's fine.
H: Yeah. Evens things out right?
N: Absolutely. Sometimes!!
H: So, so ummm...
R: Who put you on prozac?
N: Pardon? The record company.
H: They put you on prozac. And you're the normal brother.
N: It was easy, yeah.
H: Why did they put you on prozac?
N: Because I was worse than my brother before I was on prozac but now I'm alright, sometimes.
H: So you still take the prozac?
N: Absolutely.
H: Oh, so you're on prozac now, oh good. I don't want you wiggin out on me.
N: Of course I am, yeah.
R: You are on prozac?
N: Yeah.
H: Could you still write good songs on prozac?
N: Maybe!!!
H: Most of...
N: Stop askin me questions!!
H: Most of us in this room are on prozac actually and guess which ones. No, I hear prozacs pretty good. In fact, someone called me, someone very famous actually, called me two weeks ago and said to me...they heard me on the air and obviously I was filled with problems. They said you know seriously I've been on prozac for two years and everything is just so even now and it's just nice.
R: Yeah that's what they say, it even makes some things better they say.
H: Yeah, so like...
N: I was actually only kidding by the way.
H: Oh I see.
N: It's just my English sense of humor there, sorry about that.
H: Right, so you're not on prozac?
N: No, no.
H: You're the normal brother. Your brother on prozac?
N: Oh he's on all sorts.
H: How's he doing now? I mean I...
R: Well is he here? Why didn't he come in today?
H: Yeah, tell the truth.
N: Cause he didn't get in till about six o'clock this morning. He's probably only came in about two hours ago, drunk.
R: Oh.
H: Yeah, he's drunk.
N: Drunk with someone's bum in between his forefinger and his thumb that he pinched from a girl last night.
H: So your brother was out drunk last night and there's no way he could get up this time in the morning.
N: No, no.
H: Yeah, that would be impossible. I mean, I mean, quite frankly...
R: So you have to keep all the appointments?
N: Yeah, but I get all the money so...
H: Right because you write all the songs right?
N: Yeah, of course.
R: Is that right? He writes all the songs?
H: Yeah Noel writes all the songs and his brother sings them.
N: I do everything and I get all the money.
R: Good.
H: I gotta be honest with you when you sing the song it's just as good as your brother sings it.
R: Yeah what the hell do you need him for?
N: I've been saying that for years now.
H: Get rid of him.
N: I've been saying that for years but the record company made us sign this contract so I can't...
R: Oh, so you're stuck with him.
N: I can't sack him till he's twenty one.
H: Dude, get rid of him. You don't need the hassle, you're not his babysitter you know what I mean?
N: I am.
H: So in other words does he contribute anything to the writing of the songs?
N: Well, yeah of course he does.
H: Oh, he does.
N: Well...it's, well...not, not...he doesn't like write any lyrics or anything like that. His sole contribution to our new record that's coming out is a line that went - yeah, yeah, yeah.
H: Yeah, what a contribution.
R: But it makes the song.
N: A profound statement.
H: Yeah, well it's how you say it I guess.
N: I know. (Noel immitates Liam's voice)- I've got this lyric here, it'll sound great there mate.- I say what's that? He went (Noel sings)- yeah, yeah, yeah.
H: Wow.
N: I said fantastic keep it in.
H: You've gotta admit, you know what it is it's just that...
N: There's twenty dollars for that.
H: It's tough you know what I mean. Brothers fighting for the love of their mother and all that kind of stuff they do...if you don't mind, do another song for us. Would you do Don't Look Back in Anger?
N: I will.
H: A beautiful song.
N: Thank you very much.
H: Here it is. So, Noel just got married think of that in terms of the song. She must be a piece of ass. How'd you meet her?
N: Uh, I was actually sleeping with her flatmate at the time.
H: Yes, you were sleeping with her friend.
N: Yeah, her friend. And then I met her and thought, well she looks nicer than her friend.
R: So you just jumped over to the other bed.
N: Hey, well I'm a rock star do you know what I mean!
H: Do what you wanna do.
N: Yeah, of course.
H: That's right. Alright, DLBIA...this about your marriage?
(Laughter)
N: I was not laughing by the way. When I go home to England...I was not laughing when he said that!!!
H: I hear you.
(Noel sings DLBIA.)
After Noel finishes playing DLBIA--
Howard: Beautiful, beautiful.
Robin: I just thought of something.
H: If I could play like that and sing like that, think of the chicks I could get.
R: But he should sing everything. He's totally understandable.
H: Yeah that's cool.
Noel: Nice one.
H: Let me tell you something man, you're damn good. So did you know that the last CD, WTSMG has sold twelve million copies?
R: Yes, I do.
H: And I can understand why. It's a great album, it really is.
N: Yeah, nice one.
H: I noticed something in your videos, you guys never move.
N: I know.
H: You always stand still.
N: I know, well the thing is...when we first started we were like going for three years before we got a record deal.
H: Right.
N: So we used to play in these clubs to about four people.
H: Right.
N: So obviously when you're playing to nobody there's no point in you running up and down the stage.
R: And you got used to that.
H: I think that's cool though, I hate guys that...
R: That's what I love about them.
H: Yeah, just play the goddamn song don't be moving around all the time.
N: Yeah, who wants to see people swinging off...
R: Yeah or running around.
N: That's why tarzan was never a major rock star cause there was too much swinging.
H: You were in a similar controversy that I was. Remember I got on the air and I wished somebody had got AIDS. Who was that?
Some guy in the back: Larry Ward from Chicago.
H: Yeah right. You wished somebody got AIDS from a band or something.
N: That's right.
H: Let me tell you something, I never apologized cause I still wish the bastard would get it. What do you think of that! How about you? What did you apologize for? In other words it's just a way of saying I wish the guy would drop dead right?
N: Yeah.
H: That's all.
N: Well, you have to apologize in England cause everybody is very politically correct over there.
H: Yeah so I've heard.
N: Yeah but I profologize...profologize? Ha ha. I profologized opusely.
H: Whatever. And some people get the impression that you hate America or something.
N: No, no, no.
H: You guys don't hate America right?
N: No.
H: I do but you can't say that.
N: The one thing that bugs me about it is when people come up to you and say...(He attempts an American accent here)-Noel, do you know what you've got to understand about your music?- And I go but no go on enlighten me now I must understand my own music and you are now gonna tell me.
H: And you wrote the damn thing.
N: Yeah (American accent again)- You're really good. Do you realize how good you are?- I'm like well yeah, yeah.
R: Who tells you that?
N: My bank manager of course.
H: I thought it was your brother.
N: Well, yeah.
H: Right. Anyway...so ther'll be a new album out in uh...
R: Now can you...are you capable of touring, I mean is that a possibility?
N: Am I capable of touring? I am capable of touring, probably.
H: Is your brother capable of touring?
N: He's, he's, he's, well he's incapable at the moment but yeah we're gonna tour.
R: Are you?
H: Hey, you wanna hear some chick crying on the phone cause she's so in love. She heard Noel and now she's uh...
R: She's so in love.
H: This is always cool. Hey Claire.
Claire: Yeah.
H: Are you crying?
C: Practically.
H: Yeah, this is Howard. You're on. I'll let you speak to Noel.
C: Oh please, please, please!!!
H: Just calm down honey. What are you gonna do for me if I let you speak to him?
C: I'll shag you.
H: Oh, you will!
N: Hey, what about shagging me?
C: I love you, I love you, I love you.
N: Be calm child. Be still.
H: Man why would you get married when you got that kind of adulation going on?
N: Man you wanna see my wife she's beautiful.
H: Really, what does she do, model?
N: Pardon? No, she's a brick layer.
C: Noel I saw her...
H: She's a brick layer? That's noble. So uh, yeah, you love him. You would do him in a second?
C: Less than a second.
R: You saw his wife?
C: Yeah.
R: And what do you think?
C: I think (her voice breaks off and she sounds like she's about to cry)...I hate her.
N: Ahh, calm down and go to the toilet or something.
H: What do you think about his wife?
C: I don't like her. It's not me...it's her.
H: Did you knock up your wife is that why your had to marry her?
N: No.
H: Really?
N: No. She wouldn't let me.
H: Really? Haven't gotten near her yet?
N: No.
H: She said I don't want you. Alright, umm...do you have something you want to ask him? Go ahead real quick.
C: Ummm...can you come to my house?
N: Yeah, what's the address?
C: Thirty two...
H: Hold on.
R: Stop it.
H: Maybe she'll give you all three inputs, think about it.
N: Implants? All three implants?
H: Inputs not implants. Anyway, uh, yeah so the new album will be out, actually isit in stores...oh, in stores in August, August 26th.
N: Yeah, yeah.
H: And uh, it's as good as your last album?
N: Yeah, I think so.
H: Alright, good, alright.
N: I don't want to say it's better cause that's not for me to say but I think it's as good or we wouldn't have put it out in the shops.
H: Right and you wrote all the songs on the new one?
N: I did indeed.
H: And your brother, what's the story he got busted or something?
N: Yeah.
H: So you guys can only stay in America for like a couple of weeks and then your Visa runs out or something?
N: Yeah, then we gotta try and renew...
H: Boy that brother's a pain in the ass.
R: He's a pain.
H: He really is a pain in the ass, my heart goes out to you man.
N: Ah, well never mind.
H: I know how difficult that can be. You should just chain him down.
N: We all have our crosses to bear.
H: Right so what happens when you call a band rehearsal and stuff, does he show up?
N: No, no, no, not at all.
R: I'm telling you he's out of control.
N: He is out of control but we like it that way because if he showed up he'd just start singing yeah yeah yeah and just get in the way.
H: And your brother and you got into a fist fight during recording of the new album?
N: Uh, no I don't think we got physical during this one.
H: You didn't?
R: No but they've had fist fights before where blood has been drawn.
N: Oh, yeah.
H: Any times on stage?
N: Once, well one time on stage he, I think he hit me across the head with a tamborine and I kicked him on the ass.
H: I love that.
N: I chased him into the dressing room and all the crowd were waiting for the next song and they're going...they're fighting.
H: And you wouldn't have it any other way?
N: No, no, no, no it's all...
H: It's good. The energy, it's good.
R: You'd miss it if it wasn't that way.
N: Absolutely.
H: What is it Bababooey?
Bababooey: He said the recording of the album went really good. I think I remember reading somewhere that your brother walked out while you were recording.
N: Oh he's done that a few times, yeah. But that's good for us.
H: Don't you have any other brothers?
N: Yeah, I've got an older brother actually called Paul who I...
R: Can he sing?
N: Ha! No!
H: Why don't you piss off your younger brother and just put the older brother in?
R: Yeah really.
N: Well, cause he's really fat.
H: Oh, I see. Alright well anyway...Noel Gallagher, thanks for coming in.
N: It's a pleasure.
H: Oasis is a great band. The last album was great, looking forward to the new one. Thanks for doing those songs for us.
N: Thanks very much. Alright see you. Alright, see you later.