Everday I give thanks to the Goddess I have two mounds upon my bodice I shave my legs, I sit down to pee I can justify any shopping spree Not to a barber, but a beauty salon Can get a massage without a hard on Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass I always save money by using coupons Can admit to others when I am wrong Don't drive in circles at any cost So I don't have to admit when I am lost Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon Every time I go to the john Let me tell you men Listen to me boys Those things in your pants That you treat as toys You love them more then we ever will We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill I spend two hours preparing for a date Only to find you're two hours late I don't watch movies with lots of gore Don't need instant replay to remember the score I won't lose my hair I don't get jock itch And just cause I'm assertive Don't call me a bitch I don't wear the same underwear everyday The food in my fridge has no sign of decay I don't go to Sears To look at the tools I don't cheat at poker I follow the rules I don't smoke cigars Don't pay for drinks at bars I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi" And it's o.k. for me to cry I know all you men Think that you're "IT" But compared to a woman You just ain't SHIT!