So Nick's gonna be 20 this coming January... and I'll still only be a mere 15-year-old with a crush (maybe more...) for that boy. Damn. He's just under 5 years older... Its hard to believe, really. But all that doesn't matter, right? 'Cause he's got Mandy, and he doesn't even know I exist. And even if he did, he'd probably just think of me as another fan...

        Yeah, thats them. Nick covering his eyes, and supposedly Mandy next to him, and Brian on the other side of him. I say supposedly because theres been so many pictures of girls claiming to be Mandy, but she always seems to look like someone else entirely in other pics.

        I have a deep confession to make. I've always said that I support any of the Backstreet girlfriends... and, well, yeah thats true. I do. Especially Leighanne and Brian's relationship 'cause they've been together so long already. But Mandy and Nicky?? Well...

        It really all started with the 1998 New Year's Eve Concert in Orlando, which was also the PPV concert. After the actual concert took place, everyone started saying that the girl who was with Nick at the beginning was Mandy, his girlfriend. Then later a lot of Nick Crushees tried to smash that by saying it was BJ, Nick's sister, who's most likely 16 or 17 by now. Everyone believed it was BJ... Including me.
        Everyone who was asking me about it, or even tried telling me it was Nick's girlfriend, I just ignore it like hell and told them all it was BJ, not Mandy. I even posted that on my webpage back then, stating "Everyone cool down. That girl you saw on the PPV concert was NOT Nick's girlfriend, it was just BJ, his sister! Alright?" Boy was I wrong...
        From then on, every time I talked to someone and the issue of Nick's girlfriend came up, I just ignored it. Shrugged it off like it was just one of those rumors that would disappear within the next few weeks. I didn't know what to believe, really. People were telling me he had a girlfriend, people were telling me is was a lie. I had no idea who or what to believe at that point.
        After a while, the rumor and fight between Nick Crushees and real fans cooled down. And finally everyone started to believe that Mandy and Nick being together was reality now, and no one could hide it. Not even Nick himself. He finally admitted it on MTV's FANatic earlier this year, and I'm sure it crushed a lot of people.

        My denial of Mandy had faded by then, and I knew full well that they were together. I still deeply crush on Nicky, sure, who knows when I won't... And I still, honestly, hate the fact that Mandy is with him. My chances of going with him are slim to nil, so why bother making a huge scene and not liking her just because she has my Boy's heart...?