3 or 4 cloves garlic shopped up small fried in lots of butter
1 onion chopped small & add to fry
Salt, pepper & herbs.
Chop mushrooms in slices (after washing and drying) and add to fry
After a while add some stock and bring to boil.
Add some cornflour, stir while thickening and simmer a bit.
Serve with fresh bread.

Beating egg-white

I have on occasion experienced the frustration of whipping & beating egg white severely for quite a long time with very poor results. After giving up after a half-hour say with my arm falling off, a more experienced cook would come along, whip for a few minutes and presto! Stiff egg! Yayy.

The reason for this is probably to do with the fact that egg white is a bit of a strange substance. Well, not really strange. I'd love to know the chemistry of what's going on. If anyone can enlighten me please do so.

So the tips:

• The bowl the egg-white goes in must be spotless, as must be the whisk & fork. Make sure they're all dry too. Egg-white becomes impossible/much harder to beat if it encounters any grease.
  (WARNING: there is grease in egg-yolk so make sure it doesn't get in the white. I have managed to beat white after extracting a little yolk carefully though.
• the idea is to get air into the egg. A whisk is much better than a fork ... but if reduced to using a fork don't despair. It's all in the movement. Hold the bowl on its side so you can really get under the egg with the fork. Whip it up from underneath almost picking the egg up. Arm must get sore ... it takes a few minutes of hard whipping but stick with it.
• Use a huge bowl. Even for a small amount of egg. you can really let fly and whip it up better without spilling most of it all over.
• You're done when the egg-white is white and bubbly and stands up in peaks. Very satisfying.

Black Forest Gateau

Sponge

Self raising flour (or flour + baking powder) used mix about 2/3 flour and 1/3 cocoa. Coco makes a the sponge a bit pale but as it's hidden by cream & grape and doused in juice & rum/kirsch/whatever it hardly makes a difference. If using electric whisk much more air is incorporated so they say use normal flour. We beat it up by hand.

Interesting to note the 1egg:1oz ratio. the 6:6:6 is for two bread-loaf sized cakes. Which makes a good amount of gateau - enough for 10/a few more people. the ratio is varied according to cake made and quantity desired. Cooking time will of course then vary ... depending on amount of sponge and size of container.

The instructions:
• Turn on the damn oven. 180 degrees. (I keep on forgetting to do this at this stage.)
• Seperate the yolks from the whites.
• Mix the yolks, sugar, flour & cocoa and water and beat (with a whisk). Really beat the ____ out of it. Get it nice and creamy. When you rub a finger in it and it holds the streak for just a second you're done. (thanks Mum)
• Now beat up the egg whites until they're stiff. (see notes on this earlier)
• Fold the eggwhites gently into the other mix and transfer to the baking trays.
• Into the oven rapido super quick but Treat the sponge gently.
• Be paranoid and don't open the oven too soon.
  Don't BANG the oven door - the sponge doesn't like it.
• It could be done in 20 minutes, but for 6:6:6 IN TWO BREAD-LOAF TINS it took 35/40 minutes to bake. Less time if the sponge is split into smaller/flatter cakes.
  Slice a knife into the sponge. If it comes out clean it's done.

Assembly of Black Forest Gateau

Ingredients:
• The sponge, sliced thinly (for three layers - see below), as prepared above.
• Black cherries or grapes
• cherry/cranberry/blackcurrant/apple juice
• kirsch/red jamacian rum/bacardi/sherry/wine/cider?
• Whipped cream.
• Grated chocolate.

• Seed the grapes and stone the cherries. Mmmmm. Lick each one. (just kidding!) Nice juice :-P''''
• Chop the sponge in three thin slices.
• Lay the bottom slice on the tray the cake will be served on. This tray is best flat, without edges. (edges interfere with slicing and attachment of grated chocolate).
• Pour juice and kirsch/red jamacian rum/bacardi on the sponge. I like to get it really moist ... but this makes sure the slices will never be able to stand up by themselves.
• Lay out grapes/cherries on top of the sponge.
• Spread a thin layer of cream on top to help the next layer stick.
• Lay the next layer of sponge on top of this, soak with juice, pile with grapes and spread with cream as before.
• Repeat again but don't put any cream right on the top. If you want to be really fancy heat some juice and thicken it with some cornflour or arrowroot. Pour this syrup on top to make the Cherries really Shiny.

The compulsory ASCII barfic diagram:

            ___________________________________ -syrup on top for shine (usually omitted)
            cCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCc -layer of cherries only (grapes okay too)
            cCSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSCc
            cCSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSCc
            cCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCc -layer of cream
            cCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCc -layer of grapes/cherries
            cCSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSCc -layer of juice/rum-soaked sponge
            cCSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSCc
            cCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCc
            cCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCGCc
            cCSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSSJSCc
            cCSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJSCc
         -----------------------------------------

Cream (C) is slathered around the outside.
Grated chocolate (c) is stuck to that all around the edge.

Tiramisu

No! put me down!

roughly translated from the Italian as "Pick me up" - "Tira mi su"
due to the caffeine and alcohol content :)

Now that we're accessable by lots of people (not that we're gonna be) full credit for this excellent dish must go to Lucia and the Italian nation in general.

Before this little bit of paper disintegrates :-

Edible ingredients:
Strong coffee    (~2 bowls made with a heaped spoon (table) of coffee)
 ~80g siucra
Finger biscuits/Sponge trifle 200g, 2pkts
CocoA powder
2 eggs - 2yolks, 1white used
Mascarpone cheese 1pk
2 spoon bacardi rum (not too much Paul!)

Tools:
A bowl to hold the finished product - say roughly dish size but it
needs sides to hold the floppy stuff in!
Various other bowls, spoons & forks, kettle to boil water 'n stuff.
An arm like a WWF SuperWrestler or Lucia.

The compulsory ASCII barfic diagram:

            |_________________________| -sprinkling of coco on top
            |CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC|
            |CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC| -layer of creamy gunk
            |BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB|
            |BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB| -layer of coffee-soaked biscuits
            |CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC|
            |CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC|
            |BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB|
            |BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB|
            +-------------------------+

1. Mix siucra and 2 yolks.
   Beat really hard + for long time until it goes a light colour.
       Your arm should be falling off now, don't worry >;) there's more
       beating to come.
   Add mascarpone and bacardi and mix in.

2. Beat egg-white hard (again! :( ) until stiff.
       Have fun persuading your fork to stand up! - If it doesn't
       say 'ahhh - this forks too thin' and give up :).

3. Mix 1 & 2 together to give you some creamy gunk.
   N.B. fold gently together, do NOT beat.

4. Mix big spoon of coffee with a bowl of boiling water.
       Don't SCALD yourself! We don't want any dead flesh in this dish,
       it's meant to be Vegetarian remember! (not that I can see anything
       vegtablike about coffee, cake, cheese, eggs, sugar or bacardi!)

5. Soak each biscuit in the coffee before layering in bottom of dish.
       Again: don't scald! Only a silly person :) like, say, Lucia would
       also dunk her fingers into the boiling coffee! :O
   If you're using the cake you'd better skip this pre-soak, you don't
   really want it to disintegrate before it gets to the intended bowl.

6. When you have a layer use more coffee to soak biscuits/cake thoroughly
   - they should be squishy to touch (ugh!).
   Now cover this layer with about half the creamy gunk and smooth it out.

7. After another layer of soaked biscuits and cream leave in the fridge to
   recover a while. Sprinkle with the cocoa sometime.

8. Force yourself and some hapless friends to eat the horrible stuff! :)

CARBONARA ROCKS PARTY!

TASTEBUDS OVERWHELMED!

TOUNGE SURRENDERS BEFORE ALL-POWERFUL PASTA-DISH!

(chef quietly pleased - ready to move on to next challenge)

Thanks to Siebe for the good tips about the raw eggs.

To: Bill.Coleman@posterscope.co.uk Subject: Re: Pots'n Pans'n Food'n stuff......

"Do you by any chance remember that I was asking for the recipie of that lurvely Carbonara you had for me when i babbysat?"

Wow! Look! Compliments!

onion - or a half depending on how much you like onions
garlic/herbs/salt/pepper
rashers - chop them up small
milk
flour - if you don't have flour you could use say a half-packet of mushroom soup instead - or something like that If you ever want a pale pink concoction you could try using tomato soup. You could drop the milk and flour altogether and do the proper italian thing and use some cream-cheese - mascarpone? Or use some cottage cheese - something like that
butter
hard cheese - grated or just chopped if you're lazy
eggs

• fry up the onion in some oil with a bit of salt and some garlic and herbs if you like, then add the rashers - all chopped up small
• fry stir fry
• fry stir
• fry
• Add in milk - gloop-gloop-gloop - a good bit - say - um - two/three cups? Depends on the amount of sauce you want.
• briskly stir in some flour or soup while milk still coldish
• quick - stir more - mix it all in quickly - you don't need too much flour/soup - just a big spoon/two - can add more later if it feels wrong
• throw in hunk of butter, throw in soft cheese (if you're using it)
• throw in some other cheese - chopped up, crack in an egg,
• STIRRRRRRRRR
• keep stirring - make sure the heat is low enough
• stir some more - don't allow it to stick to the pan
• the souce should thicken up quickly
• if sauce too thick too quick then
  --add a drop more of milk
  --stir
  else if sauce too sloppy then
  --slyly add a bit more flour/soup
  --be careful
  --stir quickly or it'll go lumpy
  else .
  --just keep stirring
• allow to simmer slowly a little bit - but not long - add some black pepper if you like.
• near end turn off heat and add in another egg - this should make the carbonara really soft and squidgy - this egg should not be properly cooked to get the taste nice. Mix it in. It'll cook a bit with the heat of the mix but you shouldn't kill off all the salmonella..
• If you've forgotten to put on the pasta - QUICK! Go boil some water and throw it on now - eat the carbonara NOW cos it's ready - you can have the pasta later :) You fool! Next time put the pasta on at the start!

Risotto is yummy.

You say, "want to know how to make risotto? :)"
waider says, "Do tell"
waider says, "That's rice and peas and stuff, no?"
You say, "PEAS!???"
fiocco yuk!
You say, "... nice sticky rice with mich butter .... random tasty flavours ... and a bit of cheese probably. :)"
You say, "flavours qre quite random but I would've thought not quite random enough to encompass peas :)("

You say, "basic recipie: get big pot, fry uncooked rice, butter, perhaps onion"
You say, "commence berserk stirring"
You say, "gradually add cups of stock/flavoursome soup type thing"
You say, "don't forget to stir frequently"
You say, "finish up with some parmesian, attempt to unstick the risotto from the pot and ....."
You say, "CONSUME with gusto."

My latest particular one was made using some slightly curried vegetable/ham stock that needed to be used up and there were some cooked veg in there too, onion, butter, seasoning and rice did the rest. There are also about a million variations (which is why there seem to be so many options below) but don't worry, all you really need is rice, butter and [stock or veg or nice things or any combination of the former]

Basically rice is fried in butter and stirred alot while gradually adding stock whenever it dries out a bit. It should swell and take up lots of nice flavour and be very tasty with a bit of cheese.

Ingredients: (if you've rice & butter/oil/whatever and _something else_ and maybe some cheese you shouldn't ever need to specially shopping for your risotto.

Mustn't forget to mention that you need a decent pot ... the rice will swell and you're throwing everything else in too so just make sure you've enough room for everything + you stirring energetically so that you can minimise the amount you scatter over the cooker. (this is STICKY stuff and can prove interesting to try and remove)

• butter - nice big chunks, I'd say I used in total a quarter of a packet ... um ? That would be ? 125g?
• rice - about a cup for two people, white is fine, I suppose brown would be grand too, but the white really turns out quite nice.
• an onion [optional] and other veg/meat things for frying [very optional - e.g. if you've no stock]
• stock vegetable or meat (or see later for more suggestions) (like salted water but fry up more veg before for flavour! You need about enough to cook the rice, .... if you end up with too little just add some water at the end. Ummmm, for a cup of rice you should need about ...um .... say between 5/6 cups of liquid roughly.
• seasoning & herbs & spices if you're inclined
• parmisian or other hard tasty cheese (or if you're using cheddar for that extra stickyness make sure you don't drown the other flavours, although a bit of cheddar is nice alright)
• If you're artistically or nouvelle-cuisine inclined you need something to garnish the risotto afterwards as a sticky yellow-white heap of risotto may be very tasty but, well, it looks a bit boring. e.g. some salad, an olive, capers, .... depending on what went into the risotto. Y'know, use your artistic flair and ingenuity for this bit.

Chop onion small and fry in some of the butter, ... add some more butter and fry uncooked rice in there for a while too. Just swish everything around and all the butter will be sucked up by the rice.

(If adding meat/veg/cooked veg do so now and fry em up until they mix with the rice, ... don't overwhelm your rice with veg, ... the rice should be the main feature as it's going to take loads of flavour from the stock/veg later)

You could also add some herbs, spices, seasoning, garlic, a bit of chilli etc ... now. (but don't add all of that, seasoning is enough, herbs & spices etc. are nice with different things.)

Now start the risottification.

The idea is to slowly add the liquid so the rice absorbs it gradually and sticks to the bottom of your saucepan. This will make cleaning up as difficult as possible later on (so make sure it is understood that you're not doing it beforehand). Oh, and forget about dishwashers. If made correctly this stuff should be so sticky that nothing short of direct human intervention and application of large amounts of chemicals and scraping will clean the risotto pot.

If you don't have stock, or oxo cubes then soup or salted water are fine to use but to get some flavour then fry stuff up with the butter & rice at the start for a few minutes. Tasty items I could suggest are peppers, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes (remember to soak them beforehand), olives, capers, broccoli ..... You could also throw in leftover cooked veg or meat (I did), carrots, leek, celery, ham, sausage, and be sure to add in a good dollop of herbs, salt and pepper and other seasoning too.

Note: Italians will get very insulted if you think of Risotto as a "left-over" dish so don't be tempted to think of it that way. Think of it more as a flexible, delicious and filling food (and did I mention easy to prepare (but not to wash up)). And don't go nuts with loads of flavours .... it's almost tastier when there's just one/two tasty flavours.

So anyway at this stage you should be stirring every few minutes and splishing in some more of whatever liquid you're using ... so you have to hover around the pot and concentrate .... no wandering off to talk on the phone or the washer-up is in REAL trouble. Keep at this until the rice has cooked (eat some to test). Then add a good bit of grated parmesian (or whatever you like) and maybe a little more butter :), season and turn off the heat. Mix in the parmesian and leave to "cream" for a minute or so.

Well there was a recent reasonable success but it involved quite a bit of grabbing whatever was handy and adding it in.

Again a pasta dish - might do well with rice too ... or if ye're fancy go and try a bit of the oul couscous.

The list of ingredients is ridiculous - quite worrying in fact

• garlic, onion (a bigish one)
• chopped bacon and ham
• a handful of frozen veg
• sprinkling of wheat-germ
• paprika powder, salt & pepper
• pesto (basil sauce) (green gunk) a goodish dash
• pine-nuts
• spoon of mustard, honey, peanut-butter
• dash of soy sauce
• drop of milk to make it more juicy
• a few chopped up bits of cheese - cheddar&blue

Have I forgotten anything? Now some of these were used just because they happened to be unlucky enough to be in the way of the soy sauce so don't worry if your supplies aren't quite as extensive.