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WILLIAM, IT WAS REALLY NOTHING

     The rain falls hard on a humdrum town
     This town has dragged you down
     Oh, the rain falls hard on a humdrum town
     This town has dragged you down
     Oh, no, and everybody's got to live their life
     And God knows I've got to live mine
     God knows I've got to live mine
     William, William it was really nothing
     William, William it was really nothing
     It was your life ...

     How can you stay with a fat girl who'll say :
     "Oh ! Would you like to marry me ?
     "And if you like you can buy the ring"
     She doesn't care about anything
     Would you like to marry me ?
     And if you like you can buy the ring
     I don't dream about anyone - except myself !
     Oh, William, William it was really nothing
     William, William

     A light, upbeat, and very short single, William, It Was Really Nothing, is very sweet,
really.
     It's a bit of a pantomime number actually, with the vaudeville "fat girl" and marriage
proposals all over the shop.
     Guaranteed to start off your day in a good mood.
     A version of this song was recorded at the BBC's Maida Vale studios; it is almost the
same in production etc., and
     identical in lyrics.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE ? (BBC)

     All men have secrets and here is mine
     So let it be known
     We have been through hell and high tide
     I can surely rely on you ...
     And yet you start to recoil
     Heavy words are so lightly thrown
     But still I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you

     So, what difference does it make ?
     So, what difference does it make ?
     It makes none
     But now you have gone
     And you must be looking very old tonight

     The devil will find work for idle hands to do
     I stole and I lied, and why ?
     Because you asked me to !
     But now you make me feel so ashamed
     Because I've only got two hands
     Well, I'm still fond of you, oh-ho-oh

     So, what difference does it make ?
     Oh, what difference does it make ?
     Oh, it makes none
     But now you have gone
     And your prejudice won't keep you warm tonight

     Oh, the devil will find work for idle hands to do
     I stole, and then I lied
     Just because you asked me to
     But now you know the truth about me
     You won't see me anymore
     Well, I'm still fond of you, oh-ho-oh

     But no more apologies
     No more apology
     Oh, I'm too tired
     I'm so very tired
     And I'm feeling very sick and ill today
     But I'm still fond of you, oh-ho-oh

Oh, my sacred one ...
Oh ...

THESE THINGS TAKE TIME (BBC)

     My eyes have seen the glory of the sacred wunderkind
     You took me behind a dis-used railway line
     And said "I know a place where we can go
     Where we are not known"
     And you gave me something that I won't forget too soon
     But I can't believe you'd ever care
     And this is why you will never care
     These things take time
     I know that I'm
     The most inept
     That ever stepped

     I'm spellbound, but a woman divides
     And the hills are alive with celibate cries
     But you know where you came from, you know where
     You're going and you know where you belong
     You said I was ill, and you were not wrong
     But I can't believe you'd ever care
     And this is why you will never care
     These things take time
     I know that I'm
     The most inept
     That ever stepped

     Oh, the alcoholic afternoons
     When we sat in your room
     They meant more to me
     Than any, than any living thing on earth
     They had more worth
     Than any living thing on earth
     On earth, on earth, oh ...

     Vivid and in your prime
     You will leave me behind
     You will leave me behind

THIS CHARMING MAN (BBC)

     Punctured bicycle
     On a hillside desolate
     Will nature make a man of me yet ?

When in this charming car
This charming man

     Why pamper life's complexities
     When the leather runs smooth
     On the passenger seat ?

     I would go out tonight
     But I haven't got a stitch to wear
     This man said "it's gruesome
     That someone so handsome should care"

     A jumped-up pantry boy
     Who never knew his place
     He said "return the rings"
     He knows so much about these things
     He knows so much about these things

     I would go out tonight
     But I haven't got a stitch to wear
     This man said "it's gruesome
     That someone so handsome should care"
     Oh, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charming man ...
     Oh, da-da, da-da, da-da, this charming man ...

     A jumped-up pantry boy
     Who never knew his place
     He said "return the ring"
     He knows so much about these things
     He knows so much about these things
     He knows so much about these things

HOW SOON IS NOW ?

     I am the son
     And the heir
     Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
     I am the son and heir
     Of nothing in particular

     You shut your mouth
     How can you say
     I go about things the wrong way ?
     I am Human and I need to be loved
     Just like everybody else does

     I am the son
     And the heir
     Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
     I am the son and heir
     Oh, of nothing in particular

     You shut your mouth
     How can you say
     I go about things the wrong way ?
     I am Human and I need to be loved
     Just like everybody else does

     There's a club, if you'd like to go
     You could meet somebody who really loves you
     So you go, and you stand on your own
     And you leave on your own
     And you go home, and you cry
     And you want to die

     When you say it's gonna happen "now"
     Well, when exactly do you mean ?
     See I've already waited too long
     And all my hope is gone

     You shut your mouth
     How can you say
     I go about things the wrong way ?
     I am Human and I need to be loved
     Just like everybody else does

HANDSOME DEVIL (BBC)

     All the streets are crammed with things
     Eager to be held
     I know what hands are for
     And I'd like to help myself
     You ask me the time
     But I sense something more
     And I would like to give
     What I think you're asking for
     You handsome devil
     Oh, you handsome devil

     Let me get my hands
     On your mammary glands
     And let me get your head
     On the conjugal bed
     I say, I say, I say

     I crack the whip
     And you skip
     But you deserve it
     You deserve it, deserve it, deserve it

     A boy in the bush
     Is worth two in the hand
     I think I can help you get through your exams
     Oh, you handsome devil

     Oh, let me get my hands
     On your mammary glands
     And let me get your head
     On the conjugal bed
     I say, I say, I say

     I crack the whip
     And you skip
     But you deserve it
     You deserve it, deserve it, deserve it

     And when we're in your scholarly room
     Who will swallow whom ?
     When we're in your scholarly room
     Who will swallow whom ?
     You handsome devil

     Oh, let me get my hands
     On your mammary glands
     And let me get your head
     On the conjugal bed
     I say, I say, I say

     There's more to life than books, you know
     But not much more
     Oh, there's more to life than books, you know
     But not much more, not much more
     Oh, you handsome devil
     Oh, you handsome devil
     Ow !

HAND IN GLOVE

     Hand in glove
     The sun shines out of our behinds
     No, it's not like any other love
     This one is different - because it's us

     Hand in glove
     We can go wherever we please
     And everything depends upon
     How near you stand to me

     And if the people stare
     Then the people stare
     Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care

Kiss My Shades

     Hand in glove
     The Good People laugh
     Yes, we may be hidden by rags
     But we've something they'll never have

     Hand in glove
     The sun shines out of our behinds
     Yes, we may be hidden by rags
     But we've something they'll never have

     And if the people stare
     Then the people stare
     Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care

Kiss My Shades ... oh ...

So, hand in glove I stake my claim
I'll fight to the last breath

If they dare touch a hair on your head
I'll fight to the last breath

For the Good Life is out there somewhere
So stay on my arm, you little charmer

     But I know my luck too well
     Yes, I know my luck too well
     And I'll probably never see you again
     I'll probably never see you again
     I'll probably never see you again
     Oh ...

STILL ILL (BBC)

     I decree today that life
     Is simply taking and not giving
     England is mine and it owes me a living
     Ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye
     Oh, ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye
     But we cannot cling to the old dreams anymore
     No, we cannot cling to those dreams

     Does the body rule the mind
     Or does the mind rule the body ?
     I dunno...

     Under the iron bridge we kissed
     And although I ended up with sore lips
     It just wasn't like the old days anymore
     No, it wasn't like those days
     Am I still ill ?
     Oh ...
     Am I still ill ?
     Oh ...

     Does the body rule the mind
     Or does the mind rule the body ?
     I dunno...

     Ask me why, and I'll die
     Oh, ask me why, and I'll die
     And if you must, go to work - tomorrow
     Well, if I were you I really wouldn't bother
     For there are brighter sides to life
     And I should know, because I've seen them
     But not often ...
     Under the iron bridge we kissed
     And although I ended up with sore lips
     It just wasn't like the old days anymore
     No, it wasn't like those days
     Am I still ill ?
     Oh ...
     Oh, am I still ill ?
     Oh ...

HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

     In my life
     Why do I give valuable time
     To people who don't care if I live or die ?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I'm miserable now

     In my life
     Oh, why do I give valuable time
     To people who don't care if I live or die ?

What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed

"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled

     In my life
     Why do I smile
     At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye ?

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now

"You've been in the house too long" she said
And I (naturally) fled

     In my life
     Why do I give valuable time
     To people who don't care if I live or die ?

THIS NIGHT HAS OPENED MY EYES (BBC)

     In a river the colour of lead
     Immerse the baby's head
     Wrap her up in the News Of The World
     Dump her on a doorstep, girl
     This night has opened my eyes
     And I will never sleep again

     You kicked and cried like a bullied child
     A grown man of twenty-five
     Oh, he said he'd cure your ills
     But he didn't and he never will
     Oh, save your life
     Because you've only got one

     A shoeless child on a swing
     Reminds you of your own again
     She took away your troubles
     Oh, but then again
     She left pain
     So, please save your life
     Because you've only got one

     The dream has gone
     But the baby is real
     Oh, you did a good thing
     She could have been a poet
     Or, she could have been a fool
     Oh, you did a bad thing
     And I'm not happy
     And I'm not sad
     Oh ...
     And I'm not happy
     And I'm not sad
     Oh ...
     And I'm not happy
     And I'm not sad

YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING NOW (BBC)

As merry as the days were long
"I am right and you are wrong"

Back at the old grey school
I would win and you would lose

     But you've got everything now
     You've got everything now
     And what a terrible mess I've made of my life
     Oh, what a mess I've made of my life

No, I've never had a job
Because I've never wanted one

I've seen you smile
But I've never heard you laugh

So who is rich and who is poor ?
I cannot say ... oh

     Oh, you are your mother's only son
     And you're a desperate one
     Oh ...

But I don't want a lover
I just want to be seen ... oh ... in the back of your car

     A friendship sadly lost ?
     Well this is true ... and yet, it's false
     Oh ...

     But did I ever tell you, by the way ?
     I never did like your face
     Oh ...

     But you've got everything now
     You've got everything now
     And what a terrible mess I've made of my life
     Oh, what a mess I've made of my life

No, I've never had a job
Because I'm too shy

I've seen you smile
But I've never really heard you laugh

So who is rich and who is poor ?
I cannot say ... oh

     Oh ...
     You are your mother's only son
     And you're a desperate one
     Oh ...

     But I don't want a lover
     I just want to be tied ... oh ... to the back of your car
     To the back of your car
     To the back of your car
     To the back of your car
     The back of your car
     The back of your car
     Oh ... the back of your car

ACCEPT YOURSELF (BBC)

     Every day you must say
     So, how do I feel about my life ?
     Anything is hard to find
     When you will not open your eyes
     When will you accept yourself ?
     I am sick and I am dull
     And I am plain
     How dearly I'd love to get carried away
     Oh, but dreams have a knack of just not coming true
     And time is against me now...oh
     Oh, who and what to blame ?
     Oh, anything is hard to find
     When you will not open your eyes
     When will you accept yourself, for heaven's sake ?
     Anything is hard to find
     When you will not open your eyes
     Every day you must say
     Oh, how do I feel about the past ?
     Others conquered love - but I ran
     I sat in my room and I drew up a plan
     Oh, but plans can fall through (as so often they do)
     And time is against me now...

     And there's no-one left to blame
     Oh, tell me when will you ...
     When will you accept your life ?
     (The one that you hate)
     For anything is hard to find
     When you will not open your eyes
     Every day you must say
     Oh, how do I feel about my shoes ?
     They make me awkward and plain
     How dearly I would love to kick with the fray ...
     But I once had a dream (and it never came true)
     And time is against me now...
     Time is against me now...
     And there's no one but yourself to blame
     Oh, anything is hard to find
     When you will not open your eyes
     Anything is hard to find; for heaven's sake !
     Anything is hard to find
     When you will not open your eyes
     When will you accept yourself ?
     When ?
     When ?
     When ?
     When ?

GIRL AFRAID

Girl afraid
Where do his intentions lay ?

Or does he even have any ?

     She says :
          "He never really looks at me
          I give him every opportunity
          In the room downstairs
          He sat and stared
          In the room downstairs
          He sat and stared
          I'll never make that mistake again !"

I'll never make that mistake again
I'll never make that mistake again

Boy afraid
Prudence never pays

And everything she wants costs money

          "But she doesn't even LIKE me !
          And I know because she said so
          In the room downstairs
          She sat and stared
          In the room downstairs
          She sat and stared
          I'll never make that mistake again !"

BACK TO THE OLD HOUSE (BBC)

     I would rather not go
     Back to the old house
     I would rather not go
     Back to the old house
     There's too many
     Bad memories
     Too many memories
     There ...
     There ...
     There ...

     When you cycled by
     Here began all my dreams
     The saddest thing I've ever seen
     And you never knew
     How much I really liked you
     Because I never even told you
     Oh, and I meant to

     Are you still there ?
     Or ... have you moved away ?
     Or have you moved away ?
     Oh ...

     I would love to go
     Back to the old house
     But I never will
     I never will ...
     I never will ...
     I never will ...

REEL AROUND THE FOUNTAIN (BBC)

     It's time the tale were told
     Of how you took a child
     And you made him old

     It's time the tale were told
     Of how you took a child
     And you made him old
     You made him old

     Reel around the fountain
     Slap me on the patio
     I'll take it now
     Oh ...

     Fifteen minutes with you
     Well, I wouldn't say no
     Oh, people said that you were virtually dead
     And they were so wrong

     Fifteen minutes with you
     Oh, I wouldn't say no
     Oh, people said that you were easily led
     And they were half-right
     They ... they were half-right, oh

     It's time the tale were told
     Of how you took a child
     And you made him old
     It's time that the tale were told
     Of how you took a child
     And you made him old
     You made him old

     Reel around the fountain
     Slap me on the patio
     I'll take it now
     Oh ...

     Fifteen minutes with you
     Oh, I wouldn't say no
     Oh, people see no worth in you
     Oh, but I do.
     Fifteen minutes with you
     Oh, I wouldn't say no
     Oh, people see no worth in you
     I do.
     Oh, oh, I do
     Oh ...

     I dreamt about you last night
     And I fell out of bed twice
     You can pin and mount me like a butterfly
     But "take me to the haven of your bed"
     Was something that you never said
     Two lumps, please
     You're the bee's knees
     But so am I

     Meet me at the fountain
     Shove me on the patio
     I'll take it slowly
     Oh ...

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, LET ME GET WHAT I WANT

     Good times for a change
     See, the luck I've had
     Can make a good man
     Turn bad

     So please please please
     Let me, let me, let me
     Let me get what I want
     This time

     Haven't had a dream in a long time
     See, the life I've had
     Can make a good man bad

     So for once in my life
     Let me get what I want
     Lord knows, it would be the first time
     Lord knows, it would be the first time