I think about how my life has been up and down over the last few weeks, I tried to die, I didn't succeed at that, I am still here, thanks to one person....without your love, I wouldn't be here to experience the feeling of life. This is not a "Thank-you" letter, it is just a simple way to see how depression works, from my mind, someone on their way to recovering from the worst thing you could ever experience in the world. Depression, for me is sad and lonely. It is a place of no hope, no love and no will. It takes a lot out of a person emotionally to be depressed, I don't see how anyone could fake it, why would you want to put your self in the most saddest, ugly time in a persons life. Depression makes losing someone you love in a car accident, seem like it is nothing, you can learn to cope with that, but trying to cope with depression, well, I don't know if it gets 100% better yet. I am just beginning my battle. I have taken the first step tho and that is the biggest one of all, admitting "I am Depressed, and I need help." Because you can't deal with it on your own. You need help from a professional, and you need help from someone you can trust and love. I got lucky, the person who has helped me the most, knows how much it means to me. He has also been through it, so he knows how it feels. He loves me, he puts up with a lot of winning, bitching, and crying. Crying all of the time, constantly. I can finally laugh now and not feel guilty for being happy. I am looking out for me, taking care of myself, and most important, I am learning how to love myself, love me for me, I am changing myself, to better improve myself, but if I never change, I have to learn to be happy with who I am today, right now in the present time. I am to learning to love myself more and more each day, and I am learning to how to let the people who love me, into my heart, and love them with no questions, or doubts in my mind. I am not sure what is ahead, but I will not lie...I am afraid. Not of getting better, but of change. This is the life I have known, the only life, and it has been scary. I don't know what exactly I am afraid of, maybe change, maybe the idea of a whole new life. But no matter what, I am ready. And nothing is going to stop me. I am not saying that everything, or everyday will be good. Their will be bad days I am sure, but as long as I have the support of the ones who love me, I have nothing to fear, I am ok, and I will be ok. I want to live, and I want to love; and I will.