REALLY BIG LIST OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

• How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
• Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
• Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
• Why do people without out a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is? Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
• Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
• Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk?
• Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
• Why is it you have a "pair" of pants and only one bra?
• Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
• Why is the alphabet in that order?
• If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
• If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
• What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
• Do fish get cramps after eating?
• How come abbreviated is such a long word?
• Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
• If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
• Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
• Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
• When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
• Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a-door?
• Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
• Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery?
• If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
• Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
• Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
• Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
• Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
• Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
• Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
• What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
• If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
• Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
• Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
• Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
• I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
• If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
• Isn't Disneyland a people trap operated by a mouse?
• Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?
• Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
• Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
• War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.
• If you throw a cat out the window, is it considered kitty litter?
• If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
• Why do we drive on parkways, and park on driveways?
• If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
• If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
• If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
• Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
• Is there another word for synonym?
• Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
• When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
• When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
• Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
• Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
• Why do they report power outages on TV?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• What's another word for thesaurus?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON. how do they make it stick to the pan?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day. 365 days a year. why are there locks on the doors?
• If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
• If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
• When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
• If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• Why is the word abbreviation so long?
• When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
• If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
• Can a fat person go skinny dipping?
• Why do you need a drivers licence to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
• Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
• Have you ever imagined a world with out hypothetical situations?
• How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?
• If a cow laughed. would milk come out her nose?
• If your in a vehicle going the speed of light. what happens when you turn on the headlights?
• Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment. but when you transport something by ship. its cargo?
• You know that little indestructable black box that is used on planes. Why dont they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
• Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address. you turn down the volume on the radio?

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