Oh, did I mention that video games are being turned into movies? Actually, I can see I left that one out. Let me remedy that.....
The video games are being turned into movies.
And since most video games seem loosely based on something that has already proven to be a winning formula, we don't really expect anything ground breaking.
And so is the case with RESIDENT EVIL.
The recipe goes something like this.....
Take two cups of the NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD series........
Break off and add three ripe bunches of ALIENS.........
Add a teaspoon of DEEP BLUE SEA............
Add a pinch of HOLLOW MAN...........
Mix in one peeled cup of THE WIZARD OF OZ.....
Pepper and season to taste with some OBVIOUS video game auto-mapping features.......
Shake vigorously for 90 minutes.
Resident Evil.
And of course, I was kidding about THE WIZARD OF OZ.
But getting back to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, I think some of the film's dialogue was RIGHT out of the LIVING DEAD series. You know, the whole "Shoot me before I become one of them, okay? No, I'm serious. C'mon you promised" deal. Actually, this film was damn close to just BEING the next chapter in the LIVING DEAD series. I mean, in the third installment "Day of the Dead", we had underground research facilities crawling with zombies and munching a bunch on the people working there, and this is more of that only.... "techier".
If they had called this "Dusk of the Dead" I would have believed it.
What do you mean, you don't like the title "Dusk of the Dead"? We had NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD, DAWN OF THE DEAD, and then DAY OF THE DEAD. Unless you are going to call it LATE AFTERNOON OF THE DEAD, or EVENING TWILIGHT OF THE DEAD (ooh, that one's kind of pretty) or possibly release it as TEA TIME OF THE DEAD in merry old England, DUSK OF THE DEAD brings it all full circle.
But it's not DUSK OF THE DEAD, it's RESIDENT EVIL.
Which means none of the fictitious characters in it have even *seen* the LIVING DEAD series, which makes them appear stupid. But since they get eaten a second or two later, it hardly matters.
RESIDENT EVIL stars a half-naked Mila Jovovitch (something like that), who I am pretty sure played the half-naked woman in THE FIFTH ELEMENT. She kicks ass when she is fully clothed, and half-naked she is pure joy to watch. The rest of the cast was pretty disposable, with a few performances bordering on projectile-vomit-inducing awful.
I won't get into specifics on the plot, because if you've seen any of the films I have already mentioned, you pretty much get it.
As a video game made into a film, I think it did pretty well and holds it's own overall. It's much better than the SUPER MARIO BROTHERS movie. It's slightly better than the TOMB RAIDER movie. And it would have to be better than DONKEY KONG: THE MOTION PICTURE (which I am pretty sure they never made, and will someone please shoot me in the head if they did and I just forgot about it).
But it's not as good as FINAL FANTASY: THE SPIRITS WITHIN, even if there were no half naked women in that one.
Ok, by now you are INSISTING that I get into the storyline of RESIDENT EVIL. Well, it's something like this.......
It starts out with an........
"OH MY GOD!!! HELP!!!! AAAUGGH!!!!! (gurgle)".....
.... somewhere it turns into a.....
"Lock and load. Let's fry us some resident evil scum."....
. .... turns BACK (with a devilish grin) into an....
"OH MY GOD, NOW *WE* need help OURSELVES! The joke is on us!!!!!" ....
.... and then pulls a surprise out of it's bag at the end and goes straight on into........
"Let's get the holy hell out of here!!!
Yep, essentially, ALIENS meets NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD meets HOLLOW MAN meets DEEP BLUE SEA.
Except that this film has zombie Dobermans.
Woof. Snarl. Who let the dogs out. All that.
I give RESIDENT EVIL a tip of my hat for being a movie made from a video game and not sucking like a Kirby demonstration. It's not great, it's nothing groundbreaking, but it's not a bad movie at all. Still, I wonder if they will take the movie, based on a video game, and create a RESIDENT EVIL video game........... BASED ON THE MOVIE!?!?!?!
It could work!
Until next time, the balcony is condemned.
Resident Torgo (evil)
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