These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University of Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston...

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My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

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Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

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Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

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Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

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Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

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John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

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Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

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Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

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Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

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Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

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Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the shits. [words were crossed out in the ( )'s]

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Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

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Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

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Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

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I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

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Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

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Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

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My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

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Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

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Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

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Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

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Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

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