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*Disclaimer - I do not own any of the members of 'N Sync (nor would I ever really want to) they belong to their respective owners. I do, however, own all fictional characters such as Devon, Ashley, Mike, Carli and Rachel. Plagiarism is still against the law. Thank you.
Tapestry of Memories
Anniversaries were supposed to be something special, something that was spent trying to recapture the love people had when they first met even if they hadn't lost the romance. It was a time of sacrifice and showing just how vulnerable you really were to the one person who completed you in a way you never dreamt possible. It was his tenth wedding anniversary, and she had been gone for eight years now. Eight long years of child rearing alone. Eight long years of not knowing whether he was doing right by her. His children had gone from diapers to training wheels to little league and peewee football. His children were half grown and she had missed it all. She had missed the late nights with Randy and his colic. Missed the constant trips to the hospital for Jasper's ear infections. Missed Randy's first football game, which his team won by nine points. Missed Jasper's first dance recital. So much had happened in eight years. Sometimes, when he looked at his children, the pain would ease long enough so he could smile and laugh again. Sometimes.
He went to his wife's grave earlier that day to set a fresh bouquet of white roses at her headstone. The kids had asked to join him, and being that he didn't see a problem with it, he took them. Each child left something that they cherished behind, which brought tears to his eyes. Jasper left behind one of her favorite JI Joe action figures and Randy left behind his first football trophy. After spending a few minutes at the cemetery, he had dropped the kids off at one of the band member's homes to spend the night so he could have this night to himself to remember the days gone by.
"I love you." she whispered just as he was drifting off to sleep on the couch in the rear of the tour bus, laying in her arms.
"Say that again." he smiled, nuzzling her neck softly. She laughed with a shake of her head as she stroked his hair in a soothing manner. The concert had been an unusually long one and she knew that this was his favorite way to relax after a show.
"I love you." she whispered again, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
"Are you sure its me you love, and not any of the others? I mean, they're surely more popular than I." he teased with a faint smile.
"Oh for crying out loud," she admonished with a laugh. "Every single one of you are far more popular than you aught to be."
"That didn't answer my question." he reminded gently as he gazed up at her.
"You're the only one that makes my heart race." she answered simply with a shrug. He reached up, cupping her face in his hands, and brought her down for a kiss that seared him to his soul. She was the one for him. They had only been a couple for a little over three months, but he already knew.
He smiled wistfully as he thought back to the time before they were married. They had been one of the happiest couples. They had frequent fights, even broken up a few short times, but they always came back to one another with open arms and hearts full of regrets. The phone rang, breaking into his thoughts as he poured himself a glass of wine. He sighed and picked up the intruding object with hesitation.
"Hello?"
"Hi, it's me."
"Hi Cassie. Did you need something? Its kind of a bad time right now."
"I wanted to see you."
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?"
"Exactly what I said. Listen, I don't take to well to coy, and I'm not looking for a sleep over party. I know I'm being rude and a bit harsh, but state your business and hang up."
"You're thinking about her again, aren't you?"
"Who?"
"Your dead wife."
"I know she's dead, you don't need to emphasize the fact."
"I don't think you do know."
"Okay, care to explain that?"
"Its really very simple. You can't let go of her. Its been eight years and you still can't let go of her. You're still in denial."
"That's the biggest load of....okay, I'm going to say this and I'm only going to say this once. I know my wife is dead. I accept that my wife is dead. I'm living my life the way I'd like to, my children are the most important people in my life. I am not living in denial because one of the key elements of living in denial is not realizing that she's gone. I know that with all my being, heart, soul and mind."
"When are you going to let her go?"
"Probably never. You don't realize just what I've lost. She was my soul mate, and you only get one of those in life. I realize you'd like to start a relationship with me, but I'm not ready. I'm not nearly ready enough. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to what I was doing before you called."
"I love you, you know that?"
"No you don't. You love the idea of me. You love the idea of being in love with me. You think you can make me forget her. You'd love to try. Nothing will make me forget her. She's in every memory that I've ever had. Good bye Cassie." he sighed and hung up the phone softly. Cassie was a good kid, a kid. He was nearly twelve years her senior, and much too young to get into a relationship with a man who had two eight year old children. He reached over and picked up the glass of wine he had poured for himself and sat back down on the couch, again lost in thought.
"....to love, honor and obey til death do you part?" the priest inquired gazing at her.
"No." she shook her head firmly. He paled slightly and glanced at her and his best man snickered behind him.
"Wha...what?" the priest stuttered, clearly flustered with her answer.
"Take the word obey out." she demanded with an impish smile. He groaned, shaking his head with a rueful smile.
"I beg your pardon?" the priest practically gasped.
"Take the word out." he waved his hand. "She wouldn't do it anyway."
"Very well, then." the priest sighed with a roll of his eye heavenward.
He made himself comfortable on the couch and closed his eyes. It had been months since he thought about their wedding day. He had taken off his ring years ago, but had never had the heart to get rid of the silver band. It was hard for him to do.
"I bet I can shock you." she stated suddenly as he cooked up a bunch of stakes for a group get together with their girlfriends and wives.
"I'm virtually unshockable when it comes to you, my dear." he laughed with a shake of his head.
"Oh yeah?" she raised an eyebrow with a devious smile, knowing that everyone of their friends were watching and paying attention.
"Yeah." he nodded firmly.
"Okay, hot shot. If you think you are virtually unshockable, try this one on for size." she started as she folded her arms across her chest. He turned around and leaned back against the counter, arms folded across his chest, waiting expectantly.
"How's it feel to be a daddy?" she inquired, her own arms folded across her chest.
"Come again?" he demanded, paling slightly.
"Good Lord, we're going to be parents." she laughed at the expression on his face. "Unshockable, huh?"
"Hot damn!" he crowed happily pulling her into a hug. She laughed hugging him back tightly, tears coming to her eyes. They had tried so hard for this moment. He set her down on her feet and gave her a sound kiss on the lips.
"I bet I can shock you again." she ventured with a grin.
"Nah, you just pulled the last one on me. Nothing could shock me more than that piece of news right there." he shook his head with confidence. She leaned over and whispered something in his ear and he fell back against the counter, arms wrapped around her waist and pulling her with him.
"Are you sure?"
"That's what the doctor said." she nodded.
"Twins? We're going to have twins?" he repeated, utterly shocked. She nodded with another laugh.
"Boy, when you set out to do something, you really do a bang up job, don't you?" he teased with a smile.
"You should have figured that out by now." she admonished playfully, giving him a soft shove.
"If our kids are anything like you, Lord help us all." he tossed his eyes heavenward.
His head lolled back, his eyes slowly closing. He hadn't realized how active kids could be until he had to raise two on his own. Just as his eyes shut, his mind took over. He was standing in on the beach not far from Orlando, looking up at the stars. He knew it was a dream, but somehow, part of him wished......
"A penny for your thoughts." a familiar voice whispered in his ear, causing shivers to dance up and down his spine. He spun around and nearly dropped to the sand in shock. His wife stood there, looking surreal, dressed in a long flowing white summer dress.
"Don't looked so shocked. Did you think I wouldn't come to check up on you?" she raised a delicate eyebrow with a smile. He couldn't say a word, his throat constricted far beyond speaking. She knelt down in front of him and took his hand in hers. She brought his hand to her face, and closed her eyes, delving into his touch.
"How?" he managed finally.
"Someone owed me a favor. We have tonight to catch up. We have tonight to talk and remember. For you to tell me about our children. But only tonight. Don't waste it asking questions such as how or why." she whispered as his arms encircled her waist, bringing her against his chest.
"I've missed you so much. I wished I had died with you....then I looked at our children and knew I had to stay." his lips brushed against her hair.
"I know, darling. I know. Jasper and Randy are your strength just as you were mine. But fear not, we will be together again someday. Not anytime soon, but someday." she caressed his cheek with her fingertips as she pulled away from him. "Tell me about my babies."
"They're wonderful. They both look exactly like you." he started.
"Lord help them." her silvery laughter floated through the air.
"They also have your temper. Jasper is really into dancing and singing. She has a beautiful voice, just like yours. And Randy is a football kid. He lives to play football. Both are honor roll students and go through some tutoring when I take them on tour with me, which isn't very often. They ask about you all the time." he took her hand and brought it to his lips.
"And what do you tell them?" her eyes fluttered shut at the soft caress.
"That their mother is up in heaven hanging the stars they wish on every night." he answered pressing a kiss to the inside of her wrist.
"That's close enough. God, I've missed your touch." she whispered brokenly.
"As I." he answered simply. She opened her eyes slowly and gave him a smile as she climbed to her feet.
"Walk with me like we used to. Indulge me this?" she held her hand out to him. He nodded as he climbed to his feet and took her hand. He draped an arm along her shoulders and nestled her to his side. She rested her head on his shoulder with a wistful sigh.
"I wish I could have been there to see it all. Their first steps. First words. Everything. In a way I was there, but not the way I wanted to be." she stated suddenly.
"You're always in their thoughts." he told her.
"Happy anniversary, baby." she turned to him with a smile. "Did you think I'd forget?"
"No. I know you couldn't forget." he shook his head, his arm snaking around her neck to bring her into a kiss. His soul calmed when her arms wrapped about his shoulders, returning the kiss he had hungered for eight years. Suddenly her touch became faint, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Its time for me to go." she told him, gazing up at the fading stars.
"You just got here." he protested weakly, keeping her hand trapped in his.
"No, sweetheart. That was hours ago. Time flies on swift wings. Never forget that I love you, but also never forget that other people love you too. Don't give up on finding someone else to love. We'll be back together before you know it, but I don't like the idea of you being alone." she rushed on as her figure grew fainter and fainter.
"No! Damn it! Not again! I can't lose you again!" he railed. She pressed a finger to his lips to silence and calm him.
"I'm forever with you. In your heart and in your memories." she pressed one last kiss on his lips then she was gone.
He reluctantly let the sunlight bring him out of his sleep. His neck hurt like hell on fire, but the dream lingered and he refused to move. It had been so real. He felt every touch, every caress. He remembered every word spoken. His eyes opened slowly, his hand reaching up to touch his lips, which still tingled. The livingroom grew warm with each minute then sun shone through the windows. It had definitely been a realistic dream and one that he would never forget. The phone rang suddenly, causing his heart to lurch in his chest. He laughed out loud, nervously, as he reached for it.
"Hello?"
"Daddy? When are you coming to pick us up. We wanna come home."
"I'll be there in a few minutes sweetheart. Just let me grab a quick shower and I'm on my way, okay?"
"Alright. Can we stop at McDonald's for breakfast?"
"I don't think so. Pick somewhere else that at least has some nutritional value."
"How about that pancake place near the beach? We can go swimming afterwards? Pleeeeeeeeease?"
"We'll see. I'll bring your bathing suits along just in case."
"Okay....daddy?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, little girl."
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