ANTIGONISH
 
As i was going up the stairs
I met a man who wasn't there!
He wasn't there again today!
I wish, i wish he'd stay away.

 
ELETELEPHONY
 
Once there was an elephant,
who tried to use the telephant
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now i've got it right.)
However it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free
The louder buzzed the telephee
(I fear i better drop the song
of elehop and telephong!)

 
*DISNEY'S PUNKS*
 
I dreamt of Mickey Mouse in a bar
Drinking Jack Daniel's
And smoking a cigar.

Then someone shouted "fuck"
I turned my head and saw
Who else but Donald Duck.

Minnie was in a corner inhaling glue
Turns to me and says,
You should try it too.

Suddenly Donald let out a fart
And got stared at by a group
Of people playing darts.

 
THE YAK
 
As a friend to the children commend me the Yak
You will find it exactly the thing:
It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back
Or lead it about with a string
The Tartar who dwells on the plains of tibet
(A desolate region of snow)
Has for centuries made it a nursery pet,
And surely the Tartar should know.
Then tell your papa where the yak can be got
And if he is awfully rich
He will buy you the creature, or else he will not.
I cannot be positive which.

 
THE OWL AND THE PUSSY CAT
 
The owl and the Pussy cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
"O lovely Pussy, O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are!"

Pussy said to the Owl,"You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing!
Oh! let us be married, too long we have tarried;
But what shall we do for a ring?"
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong tree grows;
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose.

"Dear pig, asre you willing to sell for one shilling
You ring?" Said the Piggy,"I will".
So they took it away, and were married the next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince and slices of quince
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon.

 
LIMERICKS BY LEAR
 
There was an old man who supposed
That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large rats
Ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.

 
QUIET
 
I went to Noke,
But nobody spoke;
I went to Thame,
It was just the same;
Burford and Brill
Were quiet and still,
But i went to beckley
And they spoke dirctly.