A Place To Belong
By: Rebekah Parham

-13-

Sunday morning Samantha woke up early. The first thing on her mind was her mother. Four years had past since she had died. Usually, on the anniversary of her mother's death, Samantha would spend the day alone thinking about her mother, but she didn't want to do that today.

Artie remembered the significance of this day. He asked Samantha if she wanted to talk about it, but she knew that it was hard for him too. Samantha put on a simple black dress and went outside. She was going to do something today she hadn't done in four years, but she didn't want to do it alone. Samantha knocked on John's door and waited for it to open.

When the door did open Trisha stood in the doorway wearing the same shirt John had given Samantha to put on the night she had gotten drunk. "Do you always visit so early?" Trisha asked, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Who's at the door?' John asked walking up behind Trisha. "Sam, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I will come back." Samantha said turning around to leave.

"Come in," he said pulling her in the apartment. "Is everything alright?" John asked once she was inside.

Samantha glanced to Trisha who, was watching her from her spot by the door. Samantha was becoming nervous, she didn't know how much John had told her about their conversations. "Yes, everything is fine."

John looked to Trisha and saw that Samantha didn't feel comfortable talking with her around. "Trisha, would you mind giving us a minute?" Trisha gave him an annoyed look but she didn't say anything as she walked back into the bedroom.

"John, I really didn't know you had company. I should have called first, before I came over here."

"Don't be silly, you are always welcome. Now tell me the truth, is everything okay?" John asked, sitting down beside her on the couch.

"Yes, everything is fine. I wanted to do something today, but I sort of wanted you to do it with me," Samantha said trying not to sound like a baby.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I want you to go to church with me." Samantha could tell that her answer had shocked John, so she told him the reason she wanted to go. "See, my mom used to take me every Sunday, but after she died I stopped going. I guess that I blamed God for taking her away from me, when she was the only person that loved me. But I don't feel that way anymore, and I want God and my mom to know that I'm okay."

"Sam, I don't know. It's been a while since I've been to church too."

Samantha didn't want John to feel like he had to go. "That's okay," Samantha said smiling. "I can do this on my own.". She got up off the couch and walked to the door.

"No, Sam, wait. Give me five minutes to change," He said walking into the bedroom. While he was in there Samantha heard him and Trisha arguing. She didn't want to listen so she went outside to wait.

Samantha was sitting on the front steps to his apartment when John came outside. "I thought you had left me."

Samantha looked up at John and saw that he was wearing black pants with a black button down shirt. "John, I don't want you to go if it's going to cause trouble for you and Trisha."

"Don't worry about that. She will get over it."

John and Samantha stopped in front of St. Peter's Church. "Are you sure you want to do this?" John asked her.

Samantha took a deep breath and said, "Yes, I'm sure."

John held out his hand to her and Samantha took it. "Let's do it," he said as they walked into the church together. John and Samantha sat in the middle of the large church. It had been a while since either one of them had been to mass but it all came back very quickly.

After the service Samantha and John waited for the pews to empty. When they were the only two left, John asked, "Are you ready?"

She stood up and went down to the front of the church with John following her. Samantha kneeled and crossed herself before walking over to the candles and lit one for her mother, then handed it to John for him to do the same.

Samantha got down on her knees again and began to pray. "Mom, I still think about you everyday and I know that your only wish in life was for me to be happy. I want you to know that you can rest peacefully now. I am happy here, happier than I have been in a long time." Samantha took John's hand in hers before saying, "I wish you could have met some of the wonderful people that have become my friends. I know you would love them as much as I do. I love you and miss you."

Samantha didn't even try to hold back her tears. She knew that both her mother and John would understand why she was crying.

Walking out of the church Samantha felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her soul. "Was it as hard as you thought it would be?" John asked.

Samantha held up the hand that was still holding onto to John's, "Nothing is hard when you have friends that are there with you."

"I'm glad I could do this with you," John said smiling.

They walked down the sidewalk and into the park. They sat down on a bench that faced the pond. "I meant what I said, I wish you could have met her."

"I wish I could have met her too. She was obviously a very special lady."

"She was. She always had so much life in her; like she wanted to do everything at the same time. She never wanted to miss out on anything." Samantha squinted her eyes from the sun that was over John's left shoulder as she look towards him, "I know she would have liked you."

"Why is that?"

"Because you are the kind of person she was. She understood the needs and feelings of other people. Even if she had never been in the situation she would always listen and understand. You remind me so much of her."

"Then I will take that as a compliment," he said smiling. "I'm sure I would have liked her too. Anyone that is that important to you is important to me."

Samantha gave him a glimpse of her shy smile before she said, "You're important to me."

"Ditto" he said kissing the top of her head.

-14-

Samantha missed John terribly. It had only been a month and she had another month to go before she got to see him again. Artie was really nice about keeping her informed on their tour. John even sent Samantha a postcard from Miami. It was short and simple, but at least it let her know he was thinking about her.

Anna helped distract Samantha some but most of her time was spent with Brad. Their relationship had gone into full overdrive. Josh seemed to be in competion with Brad now. Every time they were out together he would bring up the subject of sex. Samantha tried talking to Anna about it and she would just say, well it's what they all think about. It's not like Samantha didn't think about it, just the opposite, she wondered what made it so special. Anna made it sound glorious, and made Samantha feel like she was the oldest virgin alive.

"Hey" Artie said to Samantha when she walked in from school. "How was your day?"

"Okay I guess. I will be glad when it's over."

"You only have two more weeks. You can hold out that much longer."

Samantha was going through the mail that was laying on the counter when the phone rang. "I'll get it" she told Artie before picking up the receiver. "Hello"

"Samantha, hey it's Josh."

"What's up?"

"Nothing much, I just got home from school."

"Me too" she said.

"I was wondering, I've got this big Government exam tomorrow and I thought maybe you could help me study for it."

"Okay. Do you want to go to the library, or you want to come over here?" Samantha asked him.

"Is Artie home?"

"Yeah, but he's fixing to leave. There is a band playing downtown that has some record executives coming to see them."

"All right. I'll see you in a bit."

"Was that Josh?" Artie asked coming into the kitchen.

"Yes, he is on his way over. I am going to help him study for his Government exam tomorrow."

"When do your exams start?" Artie asked putting on his jacket.

"Next week. Anna and I are suppose to study for them this weekend."

"Well, if you need any help, I am willing," he said giving her a kiss good-bye. "Wish me luck tonight"

"Good luck," she said walking upstairs.

Samantha was leaned against the headboard of her bed while Josh was spread length wise across the bottom half of her bed. Josh put his hand on her leg and started caressing it. "Josh, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, I just like the feel of you."

"Well, you need to get the feel of the Government book. You have to pass this exam tomorrow."

Josh got on his knees. "Samantha, I can't concentrate, maybe if you gave me a little incentive I could focus more."

Josh moved to lay down beside her. "Josh, I don't think this is a good idea."

"So don't think so much" he said before touching his lips to hers. Samantha expected the kiss to be demanding but it wasn't. In fact it was sweet, so sweet that Samantha forgot about studying, forgot that this wasn't the right time or place.

Josh slid Samantha down so she was laying beside him. Josh moved his mouth to the side of her neck and began lightly sucking, as if he was trying to suck her blood. Samantha opened her eyes and looked to the side of her bed where the picture of her mother set. "Josh" Samantha said hoping it would get his attention. When he made no move to stop Samantha pushed at his shoulders, "Josh, I don't want to do this."

"Why not?" He asked, showing signs of his edginess.

"Because I'm not ready."

Josh got up off the bed before looking back to her. "How can you not be ready? We have been going out for almost nine months. Anna and Brad were together six before they slept together and look at them. Their relationship is fine."

"I just don't feel the way Anna feels." Samantha said, sitting back up on the bed.

Josh was already throwing his books into his book bag. "Why don't you let me know when you think you're going to be ready. This innocent school girl routine is getting kind of old."

Samantha heard the front door slam shut. She stared after him when he left. He had never talked to her that way. When Anna called her that night Samantha told her about what had happened. "Samantha, why don't you just sleep with him and get it over with? It's no big deal" Anna told her.

"I will think about it."

"I will see you at school tomorrow" Anna told her.

Samantha wiped away the watery mist that had settled on the mirror from the hot shower she had just taken. She was applying her eye shadow when she noticed the big red hickey on her neck. She tried to cover it up with make up but it was still visible. She didn't want to risk anyone seeing in, especially Artie, so she made sure that all of her clothes covered it up.

Samantha barely saw Josh over the next two weeks. He had apologized but still, things weren't the same between them. When they were together things were different. They could no longer laugh and joke around. Its like they were afraid of stepping on each other's toes.

The last day of school had finally arrived. Samantha let out a sigh of relief as she walked home that day. Three whole months of not worrying about getting up early, studying for a test, or wearing that stupid uniform.

Samantha was packing up the last of her winter clothes when she got a phone call. "Hello"

"Sam?"

"John!" Samantha said excitedly. "How are you? Where are you?"

"I'm in Buffalo, standing in my apartment actually. You want to come over?"

"I will be there in two minutes," she said, already running down the steps and out the door. She ran the whole way to his apartment, and didn't even bother to knock when she got to his door. He was already waiting for her when she came in. "I missed you so much," she said giving him a hug.

"I missed you too."

Samantha and John settled themselves on the couch. "So tell me."

"Tell you what?" John asked.

"Tell me everything" she said. "Tell me about the tour, how was it? Did you get enough sleep? Enough to eat? How were the fans? Did they like the music?"

John listened to her rattle off questions left and right, and when she came up for air, he tried to answer them. "So now tell me what's been happening with you," John said, after they had covered everything Samantha could possibly think of to ask about the tour.

"Oh, you know, my life is still as boring as it was when you left."

John moved the collar of her shirt to look at her neck. "Boring huh, looks like you have been keeping busy with something."

Samantha knew he was looking at the hickey on her neck that was still visible. She moved her hand over it and stood up. "That's nothing."

"Then why are you trying to hide it?"

Samantha went to stand by the window. "I thought those things went away after a day or two," she said with her back still to him.

"And just how long has it been there?"

"Almost three weeks"

"Sam, have you and Josh..."

"No" she said before he could finish.

"Are you guys having problems?" John asked her.

"That is the problem."

"What is the problem? The hickey, or that you won't sleep with him"

"John, I don't want to talk about my problems right now. I just want to be happy that you're back in town. Do you have any plans tonight?"

"No, I just figured I chill here. It's been a while since I was able to do nothing. You want to keep me company?"

"I thought you would never ask." John and Samantha went out one time that night, and that was to get something to eat. They brought it back to John's apartment and ate it in front of the television. It was almost midnight before Samantha got home.

"Josh called you about 7:00 last night. He said you were suppose to go to a party together" Artie told her when she came downstairs the next morning.

"Oh my god, I completely forgot all about that," she said going back upstairs to call him. Josh's mom answered the phone and told her Josh wasn't at home. She left a message for him to call her when he got back. Samantha waited for Josh to call until 5:00, then she decided to go for a walk. Summer had always been her favorite time of year. She just loved to be outside when everything was growing and blossoming.

"Hey Samantha," a voice called from behind her.

Samantha turned around to see Ashley Fisher walking towards her. "Hey," Samantha said.

"We missed you at the party last night, it was so much fun."

"Yeah, I meant to go, but things came up," she told Ashley.

"I sort of thought they might, you know with you and Josh breaking up and everything."

Samantha looked puzzled by what Ashley had just said, "Why would you think we had broken up?"

"Well, it's just that....um, Samantha I thought you knew. It was all over the party last night."

"What was all over the party?"

"About Josh and Vicky"

"What about them?"

Ashley got really nervous. "Maybe you should talk to Josh. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to start anything," Ashley said backing away from her.

Ashley got Samantha wondering. She couldn't take it anymore, she went over to Josh's house. Josh answered the door. "Hey," he said.

"Hey yourself. I told your mom for you to call me when you got in, did you not get the message?"

Josh stepped out the door and closed it. "No, I got the message."

"Then why didn't you call me?"

Josh looked down at the ground. "Why don't we go for a walk," he suggested. They had walked to the end of his street before he said anything. "Samantha there's something I need to tell you."

"Something about you and Vicky at the party last night?"

Josh stopped walking and with a guilty look on his face said, "You already know?"

"I don't know what happened but I know something did. Why don't you fill me in on what I missed,"

"Why don't you tell me why you didn't show up last night."

Samantha had thought of a hundred different lies she could have told him, but she wanted their relationship to be based on honesty. "I went to see John. He had just gotten back into town and I just completely forgot. I am sorry about that, I should have at least called you to say I wasn't coming."

"So you were with another guy?"

"No, I was with John" Samantha said.

"Last time I looked he qualified as a guy."

"But we are just friends"

"Well, Vicky and I are just friends."

"Then nothing happened between you two?" Samantha asked.

"Do you want the truth," Josh asked her.

"Of course I do," Samantha said laughing

Josh was silent for a minute. He looked down the road, then back toward his house before he finally said, "I went to the party last night and waited for you for almost an hour. Vicky was there and she had been stood up too. We went outside to get some air and we..."

He didn't have to finish his sentence, Samantha knew what he was going to say. "You slept with her?"

Josh had a look of pain on his face when he said, "Samantha, I am so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen. God, you have to believe me."

He reached out his hand to touch her arm but she jerked away, "Don't touch me."

"Samantha, let's talk about this, really, I'm sorry."

Samantha had already started walking away from him. She walked in shock all the way home. Samantha went straight to her room when she got home and stayed there for the rest of the night and the next day.

Continue A Place To Belong ...
~ Home ~ John ~ Robby ~ Mike ~ Pictures ~ Story ~ Links ~
~ Email Me ~ Sign My Guestbook ~ View My Guestbook ~

Visitors Since June 8, 2000