DJ = Simon Mayo
To The Reader: To get the original recording, I ended up having to sneak my radio/cassette player into the office at work and perching it on a window-sill to get a half decent signal. Due to unavoidable circumstances (honest!) I couldn't get back in time to wait for the tape to finish to turn it over (prehistoric cassette-recorder!) and I missed part of the session. But I don't think this spoils the several little Julia-gems as transcribed below.
Rest assured that Julia has read and given her `OK' for this to be shared with you.
Please Note:
-- Kevin Keighery
kevin@ikumi.win-uk.net (home)
Reading, UK.
(Start - the whole session was fun and light-hearted and quick, so everything below should be interpreted in a similar way! :-))
(songs and other radio stuff)......
DJ - Morning....Julia Fordham.
Julia - Goood Morning.
DJ - You've put me in a bit of a moral quandry, actually.
Julia - I did? (sounding very cutey and innocent and lovely and wowwwee!)
DJ - Well, you brought me a dozen red roses. They're absolutely gorgeous!.
Julia - Well, I'm a romantic...what can I say?.
DJ - I have to ask...do you think I can remove the label and give them to my wife?
Julia - Yes, I ab-solutely do! ....I have to say, I'm all for recycling gifts. You received joy for a moment....your secret's safe with me....pass them on.
(Confession Time - special guest `confesses' something from their past...)
DJ - (speaks to phone-in jury of six listeners who will either forgive or find guilty the confessor) ......Confession time - have a close listen to the confesssions of ONE Julia Fordham. (to Julia) Is it a shocker? Should we be grasping ourselves?...... (huh?)
Julia - No, it's not a shocker. It's sort of a small, sweet lesson-learning one. I would just like to say, in my defence, before we kick off, that this is the ONLY ONE time that I have stolen anything in my life! (chuckle)....Your Honour.
DJ - OK, I'll think well be the judge of that.
Julia - I'm really scared now. Can I (start) now? Right. When I was about 10, me and me mates Kathy and Julie L ....I wonder if they're listening?...(chuckle)...
DJ - Where was this?
Julia - This was in Weymouth, Dorset where I was brunged-up ....and we used to go round to this little-old-lady's house called Mrs S who was very nice to us and she taught us how to crochet ...which was very (chuckle) handy....... in my later years...Anyway, we thought it would be really nice to take her some flowers. The thing was we didn't know where you got flowers from....so it was almost an innocent act .....she said.......so we said where do you get flowers from?..from that bloke's house over there! we said.....Him with the beautiful flowers...the wonderful yellow tulips that hed obviously taken forever to grow......in his garden. (DJ ASKS THE NAME) Mr Scary Pants his name was...
(hey, notice the colour of those flowers!!?. YELLOW....could it be ?......)
DJ - I think it was Roger Scary Pants....
Julia - Roger, no actually Mr Terrifying Pants, but the point is we don't know it's his house at this point in the story...but anyway we go to this house and we thought if we sit on the wall and surreptitiously pluck-out these delicious tulips, ...no-one would see us, OK........ and when we had plucked out every last single one and we [shouted] Right, Run For It Girls! this man comes out, from where we got the flowers, and it turns out that Mr Scary Pants was in fact the Lolly-Pop man who used to cross us over the school crossing.....
(Lolly-Pop man/woman = responsible-type persons who wear a long white jacket with yellow reflectors and hold a six-foot long lolly-pop, with the words STOP SCHOOL or CHILDREN CROSSING or something on it, at zebra-crossings)
Julia - I know (in reply to an inaudible comment from DJ)...and he was a big, big fat huge [bloke] with a moustache that started at his eyebrows and finished on his ears....and he came charging out of the house yelling `YOU Scoundrels!!'...It was so terrifying and he came bounding down the street and we were [shouting] run for your lives, run for your lives and we dropped the flowers on the street everywhere. And I turned round to see not only anger in his face but utter, crushed disappointment..my flowers, my flowers, my prized flowers...(in-take of breath)...now let me tell you, that any scaredy-pant feeling I had was really really really overpowered by a deep feeling of guilt and remorse cause I could see he was really hurt....but we kept running because he was just too fat to keep up with us. We were [shouting] faster, faster and he ran all the way to the end of the road and round the corner, past the gardens but we managed to get away from him.
Julia - But the thing was that the very next day, my father was driving me to school and of course The Law of Sod meant we had to stop by the crossing and the Lollypop man. I thought do I confess to Dad now or do I wait for the guy to come? and I was getting pinker and pinker..... And just as we pulled away he noticed and he went `YOU!, YOU!' like that and I just looked straight ahead. I thought Dad hasn't noticed, he's listening to the radio, I can pull this off, count to three very slowly...... He looked furious and shook his arm and rattled his lollypop. And Dad said `What's wrong with him?' and I was going No-no-no-never-seen-him-in-my-life.....
DJ - He's had another turn, Roger Scare-dy-Pants, he has......
Julia - So that's my story and I've learned my lesson and I have never stolen a pen or a coat-hanger since......
DJ - Because Mr Scare-dy-Pants will come out and get you. I always thought Lollypop men were cosy and cuddly and you want to buy them Quality Street?
(Quality Street = brand of assorted chocolate-coated sweets)
Julia - No no I wouldn't want to take a rose to this man.....
DJ - I think you owe him some flowers though....
Julia - I sometimes wonder if I should go back and take him some flowers.....?
DJ - Do you want to take these red roses?
Julia - (laugh) ...there you go.....I'm really sorry Mr Scare-dy-Pants.....[I don't suppose he's listening].......
(all 6 of the jury forgave her and found her innocent)
Julia - Oh, thank you my darlings (to the jury), I'm feeling so much better now.........
DJ - Well and truly forgiven. It means you can sing with full voice and full heart and full soul.
Julia - Thank heavens......
Music - Cowboy Song' - Sting
DJ - .........We have our special guest today Julia Fordham, but it's not just Julia is it?
Julia - No, I have a fantastic little Bandlet with me...... I've got 'me girlie singers'...... Angie, Jenny and Dash....Grant Mitchell on piano.....
DJ - OK, give us a tinkle Grant ..(Grant does a tinkle).....Now Julia, where have you been?
Julia - I've been in America on `the campaign trail' promoting the album, going on TV, singing on the radio and everything....
DJ - Oh, how tough that must have been...?
Julia - Oh, it was terrible, the sun shone every day, the sea.......no, actually it was wonderful......
DJ - So what about the card..?
Julia - Oh yes, well I don't like to brag and everything. But, yes I did receive, by Federal Express, a hand-drawn picture. It's a bit of a long story. It's from my Gentleman Caller. You see he's courting me and he keeps sending me hand drawings. This one is a pillar with a vine encircling it. You see, he's the pillar and I'm supposed to be the vine.....I think this one has sexual connotations ......when I saw this card this morning, I thought heeeellooooo, I thought it was wonderful....I called him up this morning......
DJ - Well we won't go into that any further. Is he a Corinthian Pillar or a Roman Pillar?
Julia - A Roman pillar....well actually he's an Asian pillar......(laughs)
DJ - OK the rest we'll leave to our imagination. Let's do a tune. What's this one Julia?
Julia - I'm going to do a completely `stripped down, naked' version of Happy Ever After....
DJ - OK, Julia and friends stripped naked.......ermmm, to a degree....
(yes definitely stripped naked! - just Julia and Grant on piano and the `girlie singers' doing the UmBayais.... - EXCELLENT)
DJ - Heeeeeeey, Top Stuff, 10 out of 10! Live music today from Julia Fordham.
(Music and other stuff)
DJ - ........you did a LOW song last time so what are you going to do this time..
Julia - A ridiculously high one....dogs will howl to this.......it's Loving You...one of my childhood favourites....
DJ- OK, the old Minnie Ripperton song.....dogs only can hear this one...
(Grant on piano and Julia in fine form again)
DJ - Fannnnntastic - tell me, how do get those high notes, at whim?
Julia - By getting up at 0730 and go hmmmmmmm, hmmmmmm like that...
(other stuff including quiz to win listener loads of chocs - Julia helps answer the questions sort of and decides the best answers are the opposite to the ones she suggests!)
Music - U2 - In the name of Love
(missed a little of proceedings here changing over cassette tape - may have missed another song by Julia, possibly a cover of something akin to Rose Royces Love Don't Live Here Anymore which Julia sang at Nottingham Concert Hall in May 1994?)
Julia sings Hope, Prayer and Time with backing and piano.
Julia - Wooooooooooooo!
DJ - Wooooo, very impressive once again. New single out today - go out and buy it!
DJ - Letter from Matthew B from Cardiff who says Julia is one of the few people whose autograph he would like. He's been a fan since Happy Ever After and saw her in Cardiff last year. Hats off to the lighting techs at St Davids Hall who at one point used a UV lamp which created an aura around Julia which made her look like an angel.
DJ - I think he's in love.
Julia - I'm in Love with him!
(DJ arranged to fax Julia's autograph to him)
Julia - It's very interesting - the fan (singular!?) outside today was called Matthew, also. But definitely not the same one.
DJ - thanks to all for coming in. You can see Julia next Sunday morning at 10 o'clock. Program called `Heart & Soul'
(Kevin K has a video of program - performs songs from Falling Forward but no interview.)
Julia - No actually it's 0900. Very early indeed, AC-tually............
(the end)
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