HOW TO SPOT A HYPE!

Because the ViC so zealously champions the top drawer acts in the Valley, we sometimes get accused of engaging in HYPE! BAH! We aren't doing anything our forefathers didn't do more brazenly and with a bigger budget. Just so YOU know if you're being hyped and are made aware of the vast array of hypes that have already been perpetrated, we give you this new feature which faithfully replicates...

...Actual hyperbole which appeared on actual album jackets!!

The "Next Beatles" Hype

as used by the Osmond Brothers

"In the 1960s, four long-haired lads from England invaded the world and became a phenomenon. And now, in the 1970s, five brothers from America are going down the same golden path. Their era has just begun."

The "Mormons Above Moral Reproach" Hype

as used by the Osmond Brothers

"They are not phonies and they are not imitators. The Osmonds did not need gimmicks nor stimulants to take them to the top. They are realistic people. They have reached the top on sheer talent. Hopefully, the Osmond Brothers and this album will make the music field a better place for everyone."

"After meeting Alan and the Osmonds you must think twice before doing anything wrong."

"Wayne is always himself. It's just too hard to act 24 hours a day."

"Merrill is the optimist's optimist. If there is a half empty glass of milk, Merrill sees it as half full."

The "Simply the Best" Hype

as used by the Osmond Brothers

"Merrill is the bass player and probably the fastest in the business."

"Jay is the premier drummer in popular music today."

"Even at his young age, Donny is probably one of the best organists in the field today."

"Wayne plays rhythm guitar and plays it expertly."

"Alan plays lead guitar for the group. He has attained perfection on this instrument and can play many instruments with an expert hand."

Above: The Osmonds pose in the field where Donny is the best organist. Incidentally, every note on this LP was played by Muscle Shoals session men. Perhaps the brothers were too over-qualified to play on their own record!

The "Gobbledegook" Hype & The "Reverb" Hype

as used by the Partridge Family

"The Partridges certainly represent something new in family interacting. It's the kind of vibrant home scene highlighted by wholesome portions of love mixed with laughter and positively accentuated by the notes of music and song which bring it all together - for everyone." Huh?

"The family that reverbs together - remains together." Huh?

The "I Can't Believe They're Not A Hype" Hype &

The "We're Only In It For the Money/Music " Hype

as used by the Cowsills

"These days we can get too cynical. We have, after all, been victims of misleading advertising before. Mort Nasatir, president of MGM Records says their biggest promotional problem is convincing the public that the Cowsills are in reality what they are: the America of Andy Hardy NOW. "

"Making music strikes me as being at least as important to them as the bread."

as used by the Dave Clark 5

"Listening to this album, you'll be doing the wildest thing you've ever done. You will:

1. Experience - through sound-track sorcery - a wild, tongue-in-cheek, hide-and-seek adventure with the fab five fellows

2. Dance to the 'Tottenham Sound'.

3. Hear the liveliest, world -wakingest music around."

Though this isn't a hype, really, it does appeal to one's basic stupidity. The liner notes go on to assure the listener that even though each song on this soundtrack album is a "showstopper," the film they appear in doesn't actually grind to a halt every time they sing." Duh!

The "Artist with a Capital A" Hype

as used by Tommy James & the Shondells

Get your stomach pump ready becuase these liner scribes lay it on woefully thick!

"This album contains more hits than ever put in one album by any one Artist."

These liner notes also credit this success to "...Tommy's questioning mind and his ability to receive the vibrations and translate them into his own musical language." Is that "Crimsonese" or "Cloverish"?

as used by Pat Boone

"I met Jesus in Nashville and that is where I first learned all these songs."

Later, when Pat turned to heavy metal, he would use the same approach, telling interviewers he was a close personal friend of Slash and Alice Cooper!!

The "Concern For Quality" Hype

as used by Boston

"Boston's music evidences a greater concern for melodic and harmonic flow than practically any band you can think of working the same general territory."

The "No Divine Intervention Necessary" Hype

as used by Cat Stevens

Cat's producer penned this liner note: "When I first met Cat in July 1966, it took me precisely two minutes and 5 seconds (the length of 'I Love My Dog' , side 1, track 2) to realize that short of an Act of God nothing would stop him from being a success." Praise Allah!