The Otter Farm - Ornery Rants

The Otter Farm
The Otter Farm
Ornery Rants

The Problem with L%&*#@/s

8.25.98

"The Liberals say they don't exist but I know that they do-ooh-ooh..." -S. M.

The problem with L%&*#@/s is that they have spent the last decade trying to deny the fact that they are L%&*#@/s. As if there is something wrong with being a L%&*#@/. Since the Bush/Dukakis campaign, L%&*#@/s have been hiding from their own proud name and painting themselves as quote """‘ "'‘"Progressives.'‘"'‘"""end quote. It's a nice word, spineless and unoffensive - nonperjorative. But the only reason they are using it (and very carefully at that) is because they are afraid of the Big L. There's not a Soul on the Hill who will go on the Floor and proclaim loudly "I am a L%&*#@/ and I accept all that this may imply, right or wrong." How can you respect anyone afraid of being themselves? Well, you can't, and nobody does. That's why they Lost It All in the early 1990's. Not because of some tide of American conservatism, but because the L%&*#@/s ran and hid from themselves. And I'm not even talking about the Big Sweep of 1994. That was because everyone except lonely white guys forgot to vote. By that time, the L%&*#@/s had already handed the Democratic party over to the conservative wing. The New Democrats and their turncoat friends have since spent their time defending causes like NAFTA, prayer in schools, and big business. So when 1994 rolled around, the conservatives didn't win; the L%&*#@/s just didn't field a team. The original (and oft repeated) mistake was made when Michael Dukakis (who was never going to be President anyway) cowered after being branded as a L%&*#@/ by then Vice President Bush and Lee Atwater (a deranged and misdirected genius who, despite his tardy repent, is still probably running dog-catcher campaigns in Hell). If Dukakis were either a little taller or a little less occupied with hiding Kitty's prescriptions, then the man would have, or at least should have, gone straight to a nude beach in Provincetown, Mass and gotten up, bare-chested and war-painted, on the shoulders of a corrupt Teamster and screamed into a big rainbow-colored megaphone:
"George Bush calls me a L%&*#@/! Am I a L%&*#@/? I don't know!! You tell me!! If being a L%&*#@/ means not believing in your oppressive, Christian god...if being a L%&*#@/ means believing that I shouldn't have to pay my tax dollars to promote your fictitious and asinine cock and bull theories of creationism... if being a L%&*#@/ means that I believe that everyone, even Nazi's have the right to burn the American Flag on the steps of the Supreme Court in the face of triple amputee Vietnam Vets...if being a L%&*#@/ means that I think that gays and lesbians should be allowed to engage openly in explicit sex acts on military bases and in public parks in Iowa...if being a L%&*#@/ means that I think we should give the whole damn country back to the Indians (except for Oregon which we'll fence off for the owls) and move back to Europe... if being a L%&*#@/ means providing roach clips and Allman Brothers albums to high school children then yes, godammit, YES, George Bush, YES, AMERICA, then I am a L%&*#@/ and I am damn proud of it!"
That's what he should have said. He wouldn't have won the election...but he couldn't have lost it by much more. And I'll wager that he's sitting on a stool deep in the dark and dingy stacks of some smelly Harvard library right now saying exactly that. But who's listening anymore? His freshman seminar class? No, they're out at the Young Republican rally. My point is, until the L%&*#@/s grow the cajones to stand on a stump and act as Shameless and Passionate and Loyal (albeit insane) as conservative kooks like Bob Dornan or Jesse Helms, then they will be relegated to some undercover and self-flagellating pre-Stonewall gay rights movement. That's all. It's a simple message. Take a hint from the F@&&*#s. Shout it out:
"I'm here and I'm Liberal!"

Commie. Pinko-freak.

Home | More Rants | tKoL


	*The Problem with L%&#@/s**
	8.25.98
	"The Liberals say they don't exist but I know that they do-ooh-ooh..." -S. M. The problem with L%&#@/s is that they have spent the last decade trying to deny the fact that they are L%&#@/s. As if there is something wrong with being a L%&#@/. Since the Bush/Dukakis campaign, L%&#@/s have been hiding from their own proud name and painting themselves as quote """‘ "'‘"Progressives.'‘"'‘"""end quote. It's a nice word, spineless and unoffensive - nonperjorative. But the only reason they are using it (and very carefully at that) is because they are afraid of the Big L. There's not a Soul on the Hill who will go on the Floor and proclaim loudly "I am a L%&#@/ and I accept all that this may imply, right or wrong." How can you respect anyone afraid of being themselves? Well, you can't, and nobody does. That's why they Lost It All in the early 1990's. Not because of some tide of American conservatism, but because the L%&#@/s ran and hid from themselves. And I'm not even talking about the Big Sweep of 1994. That was because everyone except lonely white guys forgot to vote. By that time, the L%&#@/s had already handed the Democratic party over to the conservative wing. The New Democrats and their turncoat friends have since spent their time defending causes like NAFTA, prayer in schools, and big business. So when 1994 rolled around, the conservatives didn't win; the L%&#@/s just didn't field a team. The original (and oft repeated) mistake was made when Michael Dukakis (who was never going to be President anyway) cowered after being branded as a L%&#@/ by then Vice President Bush and Lee Atwater (a deranged and misdirected genius who, despite his tardy repent, is still probably running dog-catcher campaigns in Hell). If Dukakis were either a little taller or a little less occupied with hiding Kitty's prescriptions, then the man would have, or at least should have, gone straight to a nude beach in Provincetown, Mass and gotten up, bare-chested and war-painted, on the shoulders of a corrupt Teamster and screamed into a big rainbow-colored megaphone: "George Bush calls me a L%&#@/! Am I a L%&#@/? I don't know!! You tell me!! If being a L%&#@/ means not believing in your oppressive, Christian god...if being a L%&#@/ means believing that I shouldn't have to pay my tax dollars to promote your fictitious and asinine cock and bull theories of creationism... if being a L%&#@/ means that I believe that everyone, even Nazi's have the right to burn the American Flag on the steps of the Supreme Court in the face of triple amputee Vietnam Vets...if being a L%&#@/ means that I think that gays and lesbians should be allowed to engage openly in explicit sex acts on military bases and in public parks in Iowa...if being a L%&#@/ means that I think we should give the whole damn country back to the Indians (except for Oregon which we'll fence off for the owls) and move back to Europe... if being a L%&#@/ means providing roach clips and Allman Brothers albums to high school children then yes, godammit, YES, George Bush, YES, AMERICA, then I am a L%&#@/ and I am damn proud of it!" That's what he should have said. He wouldn't have won the election...but he couldn't have lost it by much more. And I'll wager that he's sitting on a stool deep in the dark and dingy stacks of some smelly Harvard library right now saying exactly that. But who's listening anymore? His freshman seminar class? No, they're out at the Young Republican rally. My point is, until the L%&#@/s grow the cajones to stand on a stump and act as Shameless and Passionate and Loyal (albeit insane) as conservative kooks like Bob Dornan or Jesse Helms, then they will be relegated to some undercover and self-flagellating pre-Stonewall gay rights movement. That's all. It's a simple message. Take a hint from the F@&&#s. Shout it out: "I'm here and I'm Liberal!" Commie. Pinko-freak.