Recently, I realized that my rock'n'roll lifestyle had become my deathstyle, as James Hetfield says. So this month, I stayed totally sober and caught up with Liz Phair after her show at the Bowery Ballroom. She wanted to talk about vaginas. Phair explained that she recently changed her bikini waxer after seeing a photo of Paris Hilton's privates on the Internet. "When I saw hers compared to mine, I knew I needed a change," she said. "You know she's gotta be getting the best bikini wax there is." Phair recommended that I get a mirror and try out sex poses in front of it. But I'm sober now, so, like... no. Praying that rock will still be thrilling after eliminating the sex an drugs, I headed over to British Sea Power's DJ gig in Soho. It's hard to approach people when you're sober. "Um, your bassist is passed out in the corner," I told singer Yan Wilkinson. "You should write something inappropriate on his head," he replied. I decided it was time for a Maker's Mark and Coke. Just one. Don't tell. Sarah Lewitinn