ReunionFootball.com

The 7th Churston Old Boys Annual Reunion Football Match

Saturday April 19th 2003

Whiterock playing fields

Referee : Mr P. Watts

Result:-

Colin's Muppets 4 - 6 John's 11+ Passers ( mostly! )

Team Line Ups :-

Colin's Muppets : C. Fisher, M. Brown, S. Candelaria, S. Liggins, R. Butler, I. Hicks, K. Stoyle, N. Weddall, S. Tolcher, A. McKay, S. Baldock, I. Weller*

John's 11+ Passers : J. Childs, S. Longthorpe, E. Brown, L. Parsons, R. Barlow, J. Boyd, R. Hunt, D. Connor**, T. Hjelm, A. Morris, P. Tucker

*indicates player changed sides.

**indicates player did not finish the game

Goals : -

Colin's Muppets : Candy 11 Butler 20 Liggins 26 Butler 79

John's 11+ Passers : Parsons 7 Longthorpe 33 E. Brown 49 Barlow 59 Hjelm 78 Butler (OG) 82

Bookings :-

Colin's Muppets : None

John's 11+ Passers : Parsons 77, Boyd 79

Sendings Off :-

Colin's Muppets : None

John's 11+ Passers : Boyd 88 (Second bookable offence)

Match Report

This may not be 100 per cent accurate as its been a few weeks since the game but the team line ups are definitely correct as are the times of the goals etc...

Well the day dawned brightly but also rather coldly in South Devon as the reunion footballers made their way to Whiterock pitches for the 7th Annual Reunion match. The days leading up to the event had been warm and sunny, but sadly the day of the big game was dominated by clouds. A nasty wind was also to play a large factor in the shocking quality of football on show on the big day. As the players arrived (generally on time, which was nice to see) they were greeted by the sight of proper nets for the first time in a reunion game which is surely a testament to how far the great game has come over the last 7 years. An official Champions League matchball was also used for the game, although this failed dismally to improve the quality of the football, and due to his ongoing knee injury Paul Watts assumed the role of referee. The 2002 man-of-the-match Alan Morris claimed that he hadn't had time to get his name engraved on the trophy despite the fact that he had had a year in which to do so. What a twat. Introductions were brief as everyone was clearly 'in the zone' and waiting for the crucial moment - the picking of the teams. However, due to a problem with the nets Senior Event Co-ordinator John Childs had to make a dash to the nearest D.I.Y store for some duct tape. Luckily someone used their initiative and before too long a game of the playground favourite - 'FA Doubles'- was quickly organised. This seemed to keep the reunion footballers' happy and was most notable for a stunning finish into the top corner from Phil Tucker. Sadly, this would prove to be the best thing he did all day.

Just as people were beginning to get restless Chilos returned and after a couple of quick photographs the captains - Colin Fisher and John Childs - were ready to pick their teams. Fisher won the toss and his first pick was Mike Brown. Chilos selected Simon Longthorpe before Fisher picked Candy. Chilos opted for Edward Brown and then Ian Hicks was selected by Fisher. After that I really can't remember and really don't care. The indignity of last pick fell to Ian Weller, although he was to have a much better game than some of his more illustrious counterparts.

The teams adjourned to their respective ends and it was to be Colin's Muppets who were going to be playing with the advantage of a very strong wind in the first half. A quick glance at the teams revealed that whilst Fisher's team seemed to be made up of almost entirely attack minded players, Child's team seemed to consist mostly of defenders. The whistle blew and suddenly the 7th Churston Old Boys Annual Reunion Football Match was underway. A small but dedicated crowd of friends and players' wives had braved the conditions and turned up to applaud their heroes. The hype was over and now it was time for people to deliver on some of the ridiculous promises they had been making on e-mail in the weeks and months leading up to the event.

Sadly the early moments of the game were to set a trend for the entire 90 minutes. Grace, Flair, Vision, Pace, Skill, Fitness and Ability were to prove to be far too much for most of the players and a pattern of scrappy play rapidly emerged. The opening 5 minutes saw Colin's Muppets camped in their opponents half as Childs' team struggled to cope with the strong wind blowing in their face. It became apparent that Fisher's side were trying to unsettle the opposition defence by playing hopeful balls in behind them. This nearly led to the opening goal when after a scramble on the edge of the box Candelaria found some room and after beating one player unleashed a fearsome volley that seemed to be heading for the roof of the net. However, a flying block from out of nowhere by James Boyd saw his shot deflect and loop just over the bar. From the resulting corner Candelaria used the wind conditions to have a cheeky, if somewhat selfish attempt on goal and saw the effort just whistle over the top of the crossbar.

However it was Child's 11+ Passers who took the lead against the run of play. A through-ball from the middle of the park (more than likely from the boot of Longthorpe) caught the Muppet's defence square, and Luke Parsons raced clear beating the offside trap to coolly slot past the advancing Fisher. The Muppets responded well and Liggins and Candelaria began to link well down the left hand side and one particular one-two between the two players delighted the crowd.

On 11 minutes Colin's Muppets found the equaliser. The build up was scratchy to say the least but resulted in a very weak effort on goal possibly from Butler. For some reason Childs only parried the shot even though it was travelling at snail's pace and the grateful Candelaria gobbled up the rebound and tapped into the empty net. This was the moment the Portuguese star had been waiting for after missing the previous reunion game and off came the shirt to reveal a t-shirt underneath with the words 'Guess who's back…' written on them, and on the reverse 'Candy's back!' Unfortunately this t-shirt would come back to haunt the diminutive midfielder later on in the game.

The Muppets then raced into a 3-1 lead with two further goals in 6 minutes. The first of these arrived in the 20th minute after a string of very dangerous Kevin Stoyle right wing corners that caused havoc in the 11+ Passers box. Another great delivery saw a goalmouth scramble that ended with Robin Butler stabbing the ball home from a couple of yards. The lead was increased in the 26th minute when another almighty scramble broke out in the 11+ Passers box. Despite two clear handballs in the ensuing melee by the defending side the referee played advantage and Simon Liggins eventually slammed the loose ball into the far corner of the net.

There were still 20 minutes left in the half but the Muppets failed to press home their advantage and make use of the strong wind. Things got worse for the 11+ Passers when hoofing central defender Dan Connor lost a contact lens and had to retire from the action. This meant that Ian Weller switched sides and the contest was now an even 11 a side. Despite being fairly anonymous for the Muppets Weller was to have an excellent 2nd half for the 11+ Passers breaking up many of the opposition forays. Some players even argued that Weller's switch 'changed the game'.

With the Muppets looking useless Simon Longthorpe and Edward Brown began to take control of the game for the 11+ Passers in midfield. Longthorpe in particular had already had an excellent game before he scored the goal of the match in the 33rd minute to reduce the deficit. Picking the ball up midway inside the Muppets half Longthorpe skinned 2 or maybe 3 defenders before cheekily chipping the advancing Candelaria from a tight angle.

There were no further goals before halftime and the general feeling was that the Muppets had not taken advantage of the conditions and that their slender 3 -2 lead would not be enough in the second half. Referee Paul Watts seemed disappointed with the lack of fouling in the opening period and had not had to get his cards out at all. However, its still a mystery how temperamental foreigner Candelaria had escaped at least a booking following a disgraceful 2 footed lunge on Brown.

It was decided to shorten the halftime interval to 10 minutes as it was so cold and the players were ready for the second half after being refreshed by some sporting energy drinks that had been supplied by Childs.

Robin Butler was told to do a man to man marking job on Longthorpe in the second half but decided not to bother and with Brown and Longthorpe pulling the strings in midfield and the relentless running and teamplay from Ross Hunt the 11+ Passers quickly took complete control. In fact it only took 4 minutes of the second half before they were level through Edward Brown. The following is an account of the goal described by the goalscorer himself and is no way endorsed by ReunionFootball.com : "After picking up the ball close to the half way line after good work from Longthorpe, I made a jinking run past Hicks who turned at the pace of an oil tanker. I then knocked the ball into the feet of man-of-the-match Ross and continued running at pace between the last two defenders. Ross played a perfectly weighted slide rule pass between the defenders into my path. I then drew the keeper (Tolch I think), sent him the wrong way and slotted it cooly into the bottom left corner. Awesome. "

The Muppet's heads seemed to drop immiediately and more and more of their players seemed to become peripheral players in the game. First pick Mike Brown was anonymous and seemed content to stand about in the vicinity of the left wing waiting for the ball to come to him. On top of this at least 4 Muppet players decided that they would all play right wing - Colin Fisher, Nick Weddall, Sam Baldock and Stephen Tolcher seemed to be fighting over every square inch of turf and seemed determined to try and mis-control the ball as many times as possible. This left Candelaria and Butler in the middle of the park and Ian Hicks a stalwart at the back to try and stem the tide of 11+ Passers attacks. Hicks would have been much better suited to a creative midfield role but had to play at the back because no one else would play there and because all the pumpers playing on the right wing obviously thought they were Rivaldo in disguise.

In the 59th minute the 11+ Passers took the lead that they fully deserved. Once again it was Longthorpe who provided the inspiration with a great left wing run that took him past a couple of challenges before crossing. The cross was met on the volley by 2001 man-of-the-match Ray Barlow. He somehow managed to wrap his left foot around the ball as he came under a challenge and the ball flew into the net at the near post. The goal came as a relief to Barlow as a few minutes before he had managed to shoot high, wide, and not so handsome from about 2 yards in front of an open goal with the goalkeeper on the floor. He had been a sure bet for the wooden spoon but his goal meant that that particular award was still up for grabs.

The game was becoming even more stretched especially on the disorganised Muppets team. Candelaria was seeing more and more of the ball in midfield and his long range and visionary passing kept finding team-mates in space. Unfortunately they then kept falling over the ball or giving it away cheaply. As Simon Liggins was supposed to be playing left wing back but was showing a distinct lack of fitness it was decided that he should use his long kick to keep drilling the ball into the wind and behind the 11+ passers defence. This could have proved very successful if the likes of Kevin Stoyle hadn't kept getting the ball stuck under his feet.

Amazingly though Stoyle managed to race clear with the ball following a long punt forward. As he was bearing down on goal Phil Tucker the 11+ Passers keeper decided that rather than come out and narrow the angle he would stay on his goal-line and walk sideways across it therefore showing Kev at least two-thirds of the goal. Not even Kev could pass up this opportunity...except that he could, and somehow managed to strike the ball over the angle of bar and post. A clear favourite for the wooden spoon had emerged.

John Childs tested Fisher in the Muppets goal with an attempted cross that turned into a shot. It looked for all the world that the ball was going to go in but Fisher managed to tip it over and no doubt we will all be hearing about it for years to come. Referee Watts was becoming increasingly frustrated with his lack of things to do and the standard of play. At one point in the second half he was heard to shout "Look at this, its so shit!" after one particularly scrappy midfield exchange.

The 11+ passers effectively clinched the match in the 78th minute when Hjelm latched onto the ball in the inside left position with a clear run on goal. Despite not seeming to have the ball totally under control he managed to keep his composure and toe-punt the ball low into the corner of the net. The score was now 5 -3, but a crazy 3 minute spell saw Robin Butler score twice. Unfortunately only one of them was in the right goal. In the 79th minute Butler gave the Muppets false hope. Fisher was brought down on the right wing and took the free kick himself. His floated cross evaded everyone apart from Candelaria who ghosted in at the back post to head back across goal. Butler leaped highest and his relatively weak header bounced once and then somehow crept in between post and defender.

Three minutes later the first booking of the match was awarded to Luke Parsons for a particularly cynical foul on Mike Brown. People were amazed because they hadn't seen Browny for a good half an hour and had just assumed that he had gone home. The resulting free-kick was 25 yards out and Candy fancied his chances. However he made the mistake of noticing that Alan Morris was in goal at the time and assumed that all he had to do to score was get the ball on target. The resulting free kick was so weakly struck that even Dan Connor could have kicked the ball harder.

From the resulting punt downfield by Morris the 11+ Passers scored the final goal of the game. Captain Childs raced clear down the right and centred a dangerous cross. The ball struck Robin Butler square in the bollocks producing a comedy grunt from the defender and then somehow trickled into his own net. Stephen Tolcher in the Muppets goal went down in installments in the slowest of slow motion dives, and dived over the top of the ball. It was the comedy highpoint of the match and there was now a new contender for the wooden spoon award. Butler had gone from hero to villian in just a few short minutes.

Even though this was the end of the scoring it was by no means the end of the incident. James Boyd was shown the yellow card for a foul on Butler when he seemed to take the ball first. Then Simon Liggins actually crossed the halfway line and made a terrific burst down the left. He got to the byline and centred a low cross perfectly to the near post. Candy had anticipated the cross and got to the near post as the ball came across and merely had to make contact with the ball to score a simple tap-in as the keeper was nowhere. However as he stuck out his foot it now appears that he was blinded by a reflection from his bright orange boots and contrived to send the ball wide of the post from all of about 2 yards.

It was a miss that would grace any football blooper video and Candelaria fell to the ground in shame. The look on Liggins' face said it all and that moment pretty much summed up the performance of the Muppets. It was noted that returning to the half way line after the miss that Ray Barlow and Kevin Stoyle seemed very happy as they knew they would not have to suffer the embarrasment of the wooden spoon.

In a game that had contained everything there was still time for a moment of controversy. James Boyd who'd had a very competent game at centre-back for the 11+ Passers was adjudged to have brought down Nick 'Weddallinhio' from behind in the 88th minute. The decision looked harsh to many but worse was to follow for Boyd as he was shown his second yellow card by referee Watts and sent off. Boyd has since appealed against the decision and the Reunion Football tribunal will sit later this month to discuss the case.

However, the sending off had no bearing on the final result and John's 11+ Passers (mostly!) emerged as worthy winners.

The players then gave in their votes to match referee Paul Watts for their man-of-the-match and for the new wooden spoon award. The Wooden Spoon 'Excellence in Ineptitude' award had been created by Edward Brown and was a new feature for this year's game. It soon emerged from the voting that rather than going for consistent crapness players were basing their voting on one particular moment or miss. Therefore, although gaining 7 votes for his own goal Robin Butler did not have to suffer any further indignity as Candy deservedly took the Spoon with 11 votes.

It transpired that there were also two clear candidates for the much sought after man-of-the-match trophy and in the end just one vote decided it. Coming in second with 9 votes was Simon Longthorpe, but for his consistent good play and tireless running Ross Hunt received 10 votes and scooped the much coveted award to become its third winner.

So the reunion game was over for another year and players were left to reflect on moments of glory or spurned opportunities. All that was left to do was go out and get bladdered. A good night was had by all of those who did turn up for the piss-up and a couple of lightweights were lost along the way, but again there was far from a 100 per cent turn out. Of the 26 people involved on the day (23 players, Ref, 2 non playing spectators - Jon Hook + Nobby) only 61 per-cent turned up for the piss-up. Excuses ranged from the unarguable to the frankly ridiculous.

Anyway, a good day was had by all and the countdown now begins to Reunion match 2004.

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