why do i even bother?
most of the time we'll be back to square one anyway.
and those guilt trip i've had seems like i'm over-reacting.
bah!
in sync 13th december 2005, 1218hrs
my mind,
it's made up of so much memories,
good or bad, big or small.
in fact, i live by it so much,
that if one day, my memory fail me,
i wouldn't know what would be of me.
yesterday, i took down every single photo on the wall.
except for one though.
i had my last supper with the two boys.
giggling and laughing as usual.
who do i talk of my problems to now?
i'm already missing them so much.
so help me god.
fragmented thoughts 10th december 2005, 1135hrs
sometimes, i wish you'd call when i'm thinking of you.
paperchase 02th december 2005, 0259hrs
i received some news today after a series of reprimanding at work.
frankly, if it happens a few years ago, i would have been estatic!
it was almost like an assurance that despite of me,
making a very grave mistake during my O's, i'm doing pretty fine.
but i realised, if i had received it a few years ago,
i would have my ego as high as the 7th lining of the sky.
and i wouldn't have been what i am now.
i wouldn't have as much friends as i have now.
i wouldn't stumble into oppurtunities as i have now.
god it`s such a scary thought!
so this is it now...
the rat race starts on the 15th.
i'm gonna miss you Far East Sq.
you guys know who you are.
am i really ready?
will i ever make it?
if the world is ending, we'll toast to it! 29th november 2005, 2257hrs
i'm having a massive headache since like yesterday.
i haven't slept a wink since yesterday,
although i'm sure i'll sleep like a baby tonight.
my bout of flu is still hanging around.
and it's irritating during work.
but a dose of nadisourous
(read: na-dee-sorr-rous. also see nadirex.)
delirious laughter would make me forget about my nose for a bit.
i received a bit of news that tugged a bit at my heartstrings on saturday.
it's been too long, too comfortable.
i'm reluctant to leave.
but it's not a choice for me to make.
i just hope someone whose at least equivalent to me takes my place.
i do get a bit protective of the kids, sometimes.
You'll find it hiding in shadows
You'll find it hiding in cupboards
It will walk you home safe every night
It will help you remember
If that's way it is
Then that's the way it is
I still feel you and the taste of cigarettes
What could I ever run to
Just tell me it's tearing you apart
Just tell me you cannot sleep
And you didn't even notice
When the sky turned blue
And you couldn't tell the difference
Between me and you
And I nearly didn't notice
The gentlest feeling
You are the bluest light
-blue light, bloc party.
you are always my blue-est light.
always...
tic/tacs 19th november 2005, 1404hrs
it's a saturday and i'm at home, planless.
i kinda miss those juvenile days when saturdays are the best days of the week.
there's always gigs to go to, plans made and friends to meet.
i miss going around town with some dosh in my pocket
and spending it all in one place.
i have excercised more responsibility since then.
much, much more.
so much that the only thing i splurge on was on cabs.
hah!
sometimes i wonder why do i wish i had grown up faster,
and when i'm already here,
i wish i could buy some more time.
so typically human of me.
this entry is one of my unnecesary ramblings anyway.
my mind is a bit jumbled up right now.
oh well...
be happy.
be well people.
tictac rocks! but the sugar is giving me a massive sorethroat now.
bluergh!
the aftermath 17th november 2005, 2137hrs
* cannot even feel if my feet is still attached to my body.
* lost my zen's bag and earphone.
* wasted $17 bucks on cabfare home.
* found that nagafilms lost my 2 friggin big travelling backpack.
* didn't get to hang out with my friends like i wish i could.
* still cannot make it for tomorrow's Totally Booked!
it has been the worst day in 2005. really. from the moment i woke up.
and despite all the 'sacrifices' i've gone through,
i still have one hell of a bastard as my store manager.
tough luck!
i'm sorry if i was being a bitch just now.
i don't understand myself sometimes.
' you guys can stone me the next time i misbehave.
hairy issues 13th november 2005, 1723hrs
today is sunday and also the last that i get to be lazy at home.
work starts tomorrow.
sheesh!
some issues have arise even before i step my foot at work.
politics schmolitics!
i was clipping up my hair after shower just now,
and i realise that my hair have indeed grown long.
too long actually.
i think it's time to do something to Missy Hair again.
Nadz told me she likes me with my bangs and that short concave cut.
like these few...
but the problem is, i kinda like this long hair.
i guess i already got comfortable with it.
and it's not something to complain really...
i'm taking a poll here.
should i cut my bangs and keep the length?
or should i just recycle the old look?
prolly just don't do anything at all to it?
or do something else?
hit me back people!
this is some serious vain entry.
sheesh!
=)
master of disguises 10th november 2005, 1437hrs
click to enlarge.
i sent a very good friend off just now.
it's gonna be a year or maybe slightly lesser till we meet again.
i've seen a certain transition in his character
throughout these 1.5yrs, although he's still the same wacky person.
he is my master of disguises and close friends know why.
there is no point in me expressing how much i will miss him
cause i think he already knows that.
i just hope he'll update us about his life over there as frequent
as his time could buy and be well.
last but not least, Jimmy Eat World's Sweetness roXXors my soXXors!
peace!
recaps 07th november 2005, 1113hrs
i must've been the worst blogger in this world.
the one with sporadic entries.
hahahaha. can't help it though. i'm just a lazy bastard.
a good friend is leaving us sometime this week.
it's kinda sad altho` the year will pass in a blink of an eye.
i just wish him the best and pray for his well being and safety.
on another note, i'm hibernating. =)
i took 11 days leave effective 1st day of hari raya.
i'm having a ball of time waking up late and doing nothing.
but this year unlike last year, we don't have much plans to go raya visiting.
maybe due to the missing driver.
which reminds me that i need to get my driving licence soonest.
*sigh*
here are some pictures taken some time ago.
the ones that have been collecting e-dust sitting in my computer.
hehe
click to enlarge pic.
nadz birthday surprise at the zoo. semua feeling handmade banners and white tops with co-ordinated denim bottoms topped by the ever popular straw hats feeling crocodile dundee. best tau tu. btw, nadz feeling rambut ala 80s dia tu. =P
salim enjoying his floral pina colada masa kita gi florida dulu.
during my birthday surprise at china square banquet. they were my friends during my needy time.
last year raya. nan, can you remember now when your lemak ketam was used?
if anyone see this guy, can you please tell him i miss him buckets? =P
before i forget, Selamat Hari Raya ya`ll. Maaf zahir dan batin. =)
the new one 25th october 2005, 1217hrs
i think,
in all of the days that i have lived,
today is the most special one.
the outreach program that was done in collaboration with northeast cdc went well.
i met 69 very special girls and ladies.
i conversed and mingle.
i even amaze myself at how friendly i can get.
i just wish i could take pictures with them.
the day was a flush of mixed emotions and i thank god for allowing me to experience this.
i feel brand new. =)