50 Fun Things To Do At The Mall With The BSB Better known as 50 Fun Ways To Get Kicked Out Of The Mall With The BSB
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap and ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from the demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume it's now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator scream "MY SHOELACES!! AAAGH!"
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store wether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.
8. Stomp on ketchup (or for you "Americans" catsup.....hey cat...sup? sorry....) packets at Burger King.....
9. .....But save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people they are "astronaut food".
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from "Dianetics"
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War 1.
12. Ask a salesperson why a particular TV is labeled back and white, and insit that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, "You mean you really can't see it?"
13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion department, ocvasionally screaming without warning.
Test mattresses in your pajamas.
16. Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
17. If your patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
18. Sprint up the down escalator.
19. Stare at the static on a display TV and challenge other shopers whether they, too, see the "hidden picture".
20. Ask appliance personnel if they any TV's that play only in Spanish
21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils and whether there's much meat on them.
24. Hula dance by the dmeonstration air conditioner.
25. Ask for red tinted lenses at the optomertrist.
26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of eau de Swane.
27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting you lost a contact lens.
28. Ask a saleswomen wether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your bread.
29. In the change rooms, announce in a sing song voice "I see London, I see France...."
30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around making two inch steps.
31. Play the tuba for change
32. Ask the Hamond organ dealer if he can play "Jesus Built My Hotrod"
33. Record bleches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
34. Ask the pharmacist at the drug store which leading cold remedy will "give you a really wicked buzz"
35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have "any giant crap made outta straw"
36. "Toast" plastic gag hot-dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
38. Ask the information desk for a stroller and someone to push you sround in it.
39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing "Saved By The Bell". Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
40. Hang out in the weterbed section in the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in cricles yelling "scratone fleeop".
41. Hand a stack of pants back to the dressing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leakproof".
42. Play the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion sounds.
43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
44. Pay for all your purchases with two dollar bills to provoke agruments over wether they're real.
45. if it's Christmas, ask the mall santa to sit on YOUR lap.
46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring with "Domino's"
47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while "occasionally" pausing to scratch yourself.
48. At the stylists, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "wether they've seen this person"
50. Buy a jawbreaker from the canystore. Return it 15 minutes later, fish it out of your mouth and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.
