"Don't laugh...your daughter could be inside."
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."
"Horn broken. Watch for finger."
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you."
"Get thee down. Be thou funky."
"Lead me not into temptation...I can find it myself."
"Did somebody say McDonald's?"
"Life is short, party while you can."
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. YES is the answer.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Hang up and DRIVE!!!
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
I'm not wearing any underwear....Film at 11.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
I'm not cheap but I am on special this week.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Drink till she's cute but stop before the wedding.
I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
You know, the world doesn't revolve around me, but hey, everyone else seems to think so.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep till noon.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Don't despair...if you need a place to sit, my face is here. Xerox does it again and again and again and....
How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
No one's a virgin, life screws us all.
How's my driving? www.BITE-ME.com
Pity the poor egg, it only gets laid once.
If you marry for money...well, that's one less thing you'll have to worry about.
If money isn't everything then why do we need it to GET everything?
I was born free...now I'm just expensive.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Assassins do it from behind.
To all you virgins...thanks for nothin.
If your going to do something wrong...at least enjoy it.
Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children.
Luvs a sensation caused by temptation. A guy stix his location in a girls destination 2 increase the population 4 the next generation-do you understand my explanation or do you need a demonstration?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution
The less hair I have the more head I get.
Help wanted....many positions available.
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
Whisper my favorite words ...I'll buy it for you.
One of us is thinking about sex...OK, it's me.
I thought I wanted a career...turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
You never really learn to swear till you learn to drive.
Everybody repeat after me....We are all individuals Chastity is curable....if detected early.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Honesty is the best policy but insanity is a better defense.
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Earn cash in your spare time--blackmail your friends.
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. I'm not weird.....I'm gifted.
It takes a few nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
I can sometimes resist temptation, but never mischief.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
Why is it that when we bounce a check, the bank charges us more of what they already know we don't have any of?
I've heard it all. I've seen it all. I've done it all. I just don't remember it all.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
My girlfriend said I never listen to her...at least that's what I think she said.
I don't do drugs anymore cuz I found you get the same effect by standing up really fast.
I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I'm not sure if I believe it.
Remember, if you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast.
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
If your not living life on the edge, your wasting space.
Your proctologist called. They found your head.
I get enough exercise pushing my luck.
Caution: I drive like you do.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo...
Love me for who I am... (Even if I'm a little... off, sometimes)
Will work for food. Will beg for sex.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Sensitive, caring, intelligent. . .HORNY
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
I plead contemporary insanity.
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
I have plenty of talent and wisdom. I just don't give a damn.
I don't work here. . .I'm a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. Being a bachelor is great; you get home cooked meals, along with a choice of a cook.
Never have sex with a women you want to talk to the next day. Life is too complicated in the morning.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
If God intended man to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
People who say money can't buy you happiness just don't know where to shop.
Whoever called it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
Nobody will ever win the war of the sexes- there is too much fraternizing with the enemy.
I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words.
Orgasm Donor.
I came, I saw, I tried, I failed, I cheated, I tried again, I won.
Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a Peeing Section in a pool!
I may not totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness
It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me
The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.
Uniquely maladjusted, but fun.
Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?
24 hours a day, 24 cans of beer, Coincidence? I think not!
I'm so good, I scream out my own name during sex.
Extramarital sex is as overated as premarital sex. And marital sex, come to think of it.
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on.
If God's got anything better than sex to offer, he's certainly keeping to himself!
I'm the delinquent that's having sex with your honor student. If you can't be good, be good at it.
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