2. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for a sensual massage"
3. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'
4. Learn morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of 'Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeeep Bip...'
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen
7. Speak only in a 'robot' voice
8. Push all the flat Lego peices together tightly
9. Start each meal by conspicuiosly licking your food, and accouncing that this is so no one will 'swipe your grub'
10. Leave a copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets
12. Sniffle incessantly
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles
14. Name your dog 'Dog'
15. Insist on keeping your car winshield wipers running in all wether conditions 'to keep them tuned up'
16. Reply to everything someone says with 'that's what YOU think'
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of you 'astronaut training'
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for 'violating your airspace'
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol
21. Practice making fax and modem noices
22. Highlight irrelevent information in scientific papers and 'cc:' them to your boss
23. Make beeping noices when a large person backs up
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid appearance of ignornace
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyars, and tell the neighbours you are a 'spider person'
26. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with prophesy"
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing akward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more at any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are freen and insist to others that you "like it that way"
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video copnsisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies
49. Wear your pants backwards
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "do you hear that?" "What?" "Nevermind, it's gone now."
62. Light road flares on birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone call you "Conquistador"
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One"
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand pver someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
71. Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No wait, I messed it up." and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes"
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiin name, and demand that people pronouce each "a"
84. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend"
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles"
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture"
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder" and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
