Howie:{Following Kevin} Yeah and remember what happened last time?
Nick: {Looking up from his box of ding dongs} No what?
AJ: {Stepping off the bus} We had to spend the night in that haunted mansion and we all had those whack dreams. Remember, I got some play, hee hee?
Nick: Oh yeah and there were those 2 girls...
Howie: {Excited} And I finally found a fan~!
AJ: Howie man, remember she was really my fan but she was drugged and got us confused...
Howie: Oh yeah...
Kevin: Hey guys remember how I got a...briefcase....
{Everyone gets quiet}
Brian: {Coming off the bus} Lord help us the driver said he can't get the bus fixed~!
Howie: No problem {Gets out cellphone} I'll just call for some help.
Brian: We tried that, it's no use we're out of range.
Howie: {Talking into phone} Hello? Um Helllooo?
Nick: What are we going to do now?
AJ: Yo we're famous, all we have to do is wait for some babes to come driving by and we'll hitch a ride.
Nick: We better hide Howie then, we don't want to scare them away...
Howie: {Still talking into phone} Hello? Is this a trick?
AJ: Good point Nick, he can hide him on the bus...
Brian: Wait you guys, this is a back road, what if no one ever comes?
Kevin: We have a show tonight, and we're not going to miss that.
AJ: Yo Kevin wake up, we're in the middle of nowhere, our bus is broken, we have no way to call for help...
Howie: {Still on the phone} Hello?!?
AJ: ....and your worried about a show?
Kevin: Damn straight, we're not missing that show and I'm going to make sure of it~!
{Kevin walks over to Howie, grabs the phone out of his hands, and smashes it with a rock}
Howie: Hey, I think I was about to get through~!
Kevin: Everyone get on the bus and pack up a bag, take only what you need...we're going on a little hike and we're going to make that concert.
Nick: But we were suppose to go to Pizza Hut for lunch~!
Kevin: Shut up Nick and get on the bus to pack.
Nick: Man~!
{On the bus packing...}
Brian: I can't find my bible...has anyone seen my bible?
Howie: Hey you guys should I bring my pink make-up caboodle, or my baby blue one?
AJ: {Looking through a pile of tacky hats} Why not both?
Howie: Oooo good thinking~!
Nick: Has anyone seen my clearasil?
Howie: Did you look in the bathroom? Last time I seen it, it was next to my hotwax on the counter.
Nick: {Whining} But I looked there already~!
AJ: Should I bring my edible undies?
Brian: What for?
AJ: You never know, I might find me a fine lookin babe.
Nick: Man, now I can't find my box of tasty kakes~!
AJ: Here {Hands Nick a pair of his edible underwear} they're mighty tasty~!
Nick: {Chewing on underwear} Yum, it tastes like a fruitroll up and...I can't exactly tell what this other taste is...
AJ: {Laughs} Those were my dirty pair...
Nick: Oh...ewwww~! {Spits out what's left of AJ's underwear}
Brian: AJ you nasty.
Kevin: {Screaming onto the bus} You guys got 10 more mins and then we move out~!
Howie: {Gasps} But I'll never get all my overalls into my pack in time~!
{10 mins later everyone is off the bus, each one with a bag full of supplies}
Kevin: I hope everyone packed the bare essentials....
Nick: {Patting his bag} Yup, I got a whole bag full of Twinkies~!
Brian: That's good thinking Nick, we're going to need food.
Nick: {Spiting out piece of eaten twinkie} Huh? We?
Kevin: Ok guys I got a map, I'll be incharge of that, and a compass...who wants it?
Nick: Oooo me~!
Kevin: You can't even read, therefore you don't get it.
Nick: Aww man, that's not fair~!
Howie: {Has another cellphone to his ear} Hellllooo?
Kevin: I'll just keep the compass too {Looks at map} Ok guys lets go this way.
{Kevin points in the direction of the woods which surround them}
AJ: Hells no, I'm not getting lost in the woods.
Nick: {Terrified} There's no outlets for my nintendo~!
Kevin: Just shut up and walk.
Brian: We should pray first.... Lord please watch over us as we make this journey into the woods. Guide so that we do not get lost...
AJ: Let us find a bar with hot babes~!
Nick: And Dunkin Donuts~!
Howie: Hey guys, I think my phone is broken...
Kevin: I need a drink...
Brian: Amen.
{The guys take off in the woods and after an hour of walking they're lost}
AJ: {Looking at Kevin} So Davey Crocket, where the hell are we?!?
Kevin: {Looking at map} I know exactly where we are....we're....um....we're....
Nick: In the woods~!
AJ: Kevin you dick, you got us lost, now what in the hell are we suppose to do?!?
Kevin: We're not lost, we just have to follow the map and compass and we'll be ok. Brian: The Lord will do the rest.
AJ: So basically we're screwed?
Howie: {Running over to the guys} Guess what I found~!
Nick: A Pizza Hut?!?
Brian: A Church?!?
AJ: Hot babes and alcohol?!?
Kevin: A new group to join?
Howie: No, a nifty camcorder~! {Starts to film everyone}
Kevin: Where the hell did you find that?
Howie: It was in some tent over by the river.
AJ: A tent?!?
Howie: {Playing with the recorder} Yeah, a tent.
Brian: We're saved~!
Kevin: Howie show us exactly where this tent was.
Howie: Um ok....
{Howie leads the guys to the where he had found the tent}
Kevin: What the hell, there's no one here~!
AJ: It looks like it's been abanded for months....
Nick: What if they got lost just like us and never found their way out?
Brian: {Gasps} Lord help us~!
Kevin: We're going to find our way out, we just have to stop and think...
AJ: Save it Kevin, we're fucked and there's nothing we can do about it.
Howie: {Zooming in on Kevin and AJ with the camera} Hey you guys...wave~!
Nick: I wanna see the camera Howie~!
Howie: No, it's mine, I found it.
Nick: {Whining} But I wanna see it~!
Howie: I said no~!
Nick: Kevin~! Howie won't let me see the camera~!
Kevin: Shut up you two, we need to find a way out of these woods~!
Nick: But....
Kevin: No buts, just go away and find something to do so I can think.
Nick: Hey Howie over there~! There's a fan holding a poster with your name on it~!
Howie: {Excited} Oh my God where~!?!
{Nick steals the camera out of Howie's hands and takes off running. Howie chases after him}
AJ: {Looking through his pack} I know those things are here somewhere...
Kevin: What are you doing?
AJ: Looking for something that might help us....
Brian: Praise the Lord someone has a bible~!
AJ: It's not a bible you moron...Ahhhh here they are~!
{AJ pulls out a huge bag of bras and panties}
Brian: {Slapping his forehead} AJ this is no time to think about sex.
Kevin: What are we suppose to do with those? Wear them?
AJ: I seen this movie once and these two kids were led out to the woods by their evil step mother, hoping that they would get lost and never come back. But see the kids were smart and they used the bread she gave them as a way to mark their trail. We can do the same with all these undies our fans threw at us while we were on stage the last concert.
Brian: My God, that actually sounded smart...
AJ: That way we'll know if we're walking in a circle. Kevin you have the map and compass still, so all we have to do is find a reasonable direction to walk in and we're all set.
Kevin: AJ when did you grow a brain?
AJ: I don't know but I haven't had a drink or any drugs in the last 2 hours....
Kevin: I see....
{Just then Howie and Nick come running back to the guys}
Nick: {Out of breath} You'll never guess what we found~!
Howie: Hold on Nick, let me film you....
Nick: {Giggles} Good idea....are you ready?
Howie: All set.
Nick: Oh my God you guys will never guess what we found~!
Kevin: Please let it be a brain this time...
Nick: Just come with us and we'll show you~!
{Howie and Nick lead the guys to a bunch of trees that has stick figures hanging from them}
Nick: Isn't this so cool~!?!
Brian: My Sweet Mary Mother of Jospeh~!
Kevin: What the hell is this?
AJ: Hey Kevin is this what a hillbilly Christmas is like?
Kevin: Shut up AJ.
Nick: Look {Pulling one down} they're really fun to play with too~!
Howie: {Grabbing one also and playing with it} Oh Nick pooh, I love you~!
Nick: {Playing with the stick figure} But we can't be together...people wouldn't understand~!
Howie: I don't care~! {He smashes the stick figures together so they can kiss}
Kevin: This is freaky lets look at the map and get the hell out of here {He reaches into his pack and looks for the map} Where is that thing?!?
AJ: What? Hold up, I know your not talking about the map.
Kevin: I put it in here, I know I did~!
Brian: You can't find the map?!?
Nick: {Looking into the camera} Oh no~! They can't find the map~!
Howie: Hey Nick didn't you have the map?
Kevin: {Looking at Nick} What!?!
Nick: Oops...
AJ: What do you mean "Oops?"
Nick: I was bored, and um Kevin told me to find something to do, so I, ooh, thought I'd color but um I didn't have any paper so I...
Kevin: You didn't.
Nick: I drew a really pretty spaceship...wanna see? {Takes out the map that has a huge black spaceship colored over it}
Kevin: I'm going to kill ya~!
{Kevin runs after Nick}
Kevin: {Screaming} Get back here you little shit~!
Brian: It's going to get dark soon....looks like we're spending the night.
AJ: What?!? Oh no we're not.
Howie: Ooo a sleep over~! We can do make overs and paint each other's nails~!
{Nick comes running by}
Nick: Hellppp mmmeee~!
{Kevin is shortly behind him}
Kevin: I'll kill ya....
Brian: We need to stop those too so we can set up camp before it's too dark.
AJ: There's no way I'm staying the night in these woods...no way~!
{20 mins later the guys are all hutled in the abanded tent Howie had found eariler}
Kevin: I'm glad to see no one thought of packing a tent.
AJ: Well fearless leader, I don't think any of us planned to be spending the night~!
Kevin: At least Howie found this tent...
Howie: {Looks up from painting his toenails and into the tent} I did something right? Can I come inside the tent now?
Kevin: No, this is a 3 person tent, we already have 3 in here plus Nick...
Nick: Man I'm hungry {Looks through pack} Ok, who ate all my Twinkies?!?
AJ: Um that was you...
NIck: Oh yeah...Hey what if we never find our way out of here and we have to like turn to cannibalism to stay alive?!? Who will we eat first?
AJ: Not me, I'm too boney...no meat.
Brian: Not me, I'm religious and you'll burn in hell.
Kevin: Don't look at me, I'm the brains of the group.
Nick: Diffidently not me, I'm the most popular...
{All 4 look outside to where Howie is painting his toe nails and humming Let's Get Physical}
Nick: {Whispering} Pst we can eat Howie.
Brian: Aww don't worry we'll get out ok, we're famous.
Nick: Oh yeah...
{The 4 in the tent decide to go to bed. Later that night...}
Kevin: {Jumping up} What the hell is that sound?!?
AJ: {Waking up} I didn't ear anything...
Nick: {Hugging a Teddy Bear} Me either...
{Someone laughing can be heard}
Kevin: There it is again~!
AJ: Shit I heard it this time~!
Nick: Guys....where's Brian?
{Brian's sleeping bag is empty, the only thing that can be seen is one of those strange stick figures from the tree they found earlier}
Kevin: Brian~!
AJ: Holy shit~!
{The laugh is heard again}
Nick: {Starting to cry} I think I peed myself....
Kevin: We've gotta find Brian...he's my cousin~!
AJ: Like hell I'm leaving this tent and going outside to get killed just like Brian.
Kevin: Shut up AJ, he's not dead~!
Nick: You guys, what about...
{Just then something starts to shake the tent}
Nick: {Cries} I don't think that's someone who wants to be friends....
Kevin: Run~!
{Kevin unzips the tent and comes face to face with a green faced creature with greasy curly black hair. It has bucked teeth and a lazy eye}
Kevin: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~!
{Kevin knocks the thing down and takes off running, he's followed by AJ and Nick}
Kevin: What the hell was that?!?
AJ: Shit~! Did you see that?!?
Kevin: What the hell was that?!?
AJ: Oh my God it was hideous~!
Nick: It was Bigfoot~!
Kevin: You idiot Bigfoot is big and tall, that thing was short and green~!
Nick: Oh yeah...it was Swamp Thing~!
Kevin: Nick, you have 5 seconds to shut the hell up.
Nick: What I do?
{The guys stay there in the woods until morning. When it's fully light outside they return to the camp}
Kevin: Look~! {Points at the tent} Someone's inside the tent~!
Nick: Maybe it's Brian...
{The guys approach the tent slowly. Kevin opens it. There curled up in a small little ball the creature from last night sleeps. Kevin notices the thing's toenails are painted a bright pink}
Kevin: Son of a bitch~! It's just Howie.
AJ: You mean the thing from last night was Howie?!?
{Howie wakes up at the sound of his name. He takes off his black sleeping mask}
Howie: Hey guys, whats up?
Kevin: Howie where's Brian?
Howie: Um with you guys?
AJ: No, we woke up last night and we was gone.
Kevin: And you were outside, you had to see him leave...
Howie: I didn't see anything, all I remember is I was trying to put on my green moisturizer night facial cream and when I got back to the tent Kevin knocked me down and took of running. When you guys didn't come back I decided to sleep inside the tent.
Nick: So you don't know where Brian is?
Howie: No....
Kevin: We have to find Brian.
AJ: No we have to find our way out of here before we end up like Brian.
Kevin: We can't leave my cousin.
AJ: We can't find Brian, we can't even find our way out of these woods~!
Nick: I'm hungry...
AJ: Come on, we can use the compass and then when we're out we'll get help to find Brian.
Kevin: Fine, let's all go inside the tent, pack up, and look at the compass to find a way out of here.
{The guys go into the tent and pack their things and decided to head south. AJ stands up and unzips the tent, there laying on the ground is the gray hooded sweatshirt Brian had been wearing the night before}
AJ: Kevin look at this~!
Kevin: {Picking up the sweatshirt} What the hell? {He unfolds the shirt to find Brian's mini pocket bible inside} Nooooooo~!
Howie: Holy eyelash curlers~!
Nick: What is it? Food?
AJ: Who would do such a thing?
Kevin: {Opening up the bible} Nsync~!
Nick: Huh?
{Kevin shows the guys the words that are written in blood on the bible's title page}
-Yo dis be Nsync, we gots the pig. Be meetin us at da abounded house 5 miles north of your tents or else da pig be pork chops.
Nick: Ooo pork chops sound good~!
AJ: Don't those guys ever give up?
Kevin: They're not going to get away with this...
AJ: We sing better...
Nick: Look better...
Howie: And girl we've got more fashion sense {Snaps fingers in circle}
{Everyone looks at Howie in disgust}
Howie: What?
Kevin: Let's go kick their asses~!
AJ: Word I'm down with that.
Howie: I'll bring the camcorder to video tape it~!
{The guys take off in search of the abandoned house. 2 hour later they find it, only it's a gingerbread house}
Nick: {Looks up to the sky} Thank you God~!
{Nick runs to the house and starts to chew on it's door}
Nick: Oooo gingerbread...yum yum yum~!
Kevin: We'll wait 5 mins to see if he drops dead, if not then it must not be poisoned and we can eat too.
AJ: Good thinkin, but do you think they'll be anything left in 5 mins?
Kevin: {Thinks} Your right, we better hurry up and get some while we still can~!
{The rest of the guys join Nick and eat various parts of the house}
Nick: {Gnawing on the roof} Wait....what if Nsync made this house and poisoned it so we'd die?
Kevin: {Licking a window} I thought of that but your still alive, so....
{Just then Nick faints and falls off the roof}
Howie: {Running over to Nick} Nick Pooh~!
AJ: Shit maybe it was poisoned...
Kevin: Don't be ridiculous, I feel perfectly...
{Kevin faints also}
Howie: Oh no...AJ hold me~!
{AJ faints}
Howie: {Starts to cry and turns on the camcorder...he looks into it} I'm so scared {sob} I know it's all my fault. If I hadn't of flash the bus driver, maybe he wouldn't have lost his eyesight and swerved off the road. Then our bus wouldn't have broken down and everyone would be ok. {Sob} I'm so scared....I don't want to die~! {Looks up at someone and cries} Please~! No~! Don't~!
About 3 hours later....
Kevin: {Waking up} Son of a bitch my head hurts.
{He looks around to find that he and the rest of the guys are locked up in giant birdcages hanging from the ceiling of the gingerbread house}
Nick: Where are we?
AJ: I don't know but someone stole my phat new hat and matching scarf~!
Kevin: When I get my hands on Nsync....
Howie: {Waking up} It's not Nsync.
AJ: What?
Howie: The person who did this all isn't Nsync, it's...
{Just then a hunchbacked hideous looking old woman comes walking through the door}
Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhh~!
Kevin: Shit that's nasty~!
AJ: Damn that's ugly~!
Nick: Man, I'm hungry~!
Howie: That girl has got the worst skin~!
Woman: Bite your tongues all of you {Cackles} Or I will~! {Plays with Kevin's feet} Especially you handsome {Laughs}
Kevin: {Shudders} Medusa?
AJ: Holy shit it's Chris' mom~!
Everyone: Ahhhhhhhh~!
Woman: So who is going to be the first to die?
Nick: I'm too good looking to die~!
AJ: I'm too freaky to die~!
Kevin: I'm too anal to die~!
{Everyone looks at Howie}
Howie: I'm too....um...short?
Kevin: Why? Why are you doing this?
Woman: Have you seen my son?
AJ: {Shudders} Yes, unfortunately.
Woman: Your group has caused my son nothing but pain~! He's so ugly and has no fans...
Nick: Neither does Howie~!
Howie: Yeah, I don't have any fans either~!
Woman: What? I don't care short stuff~! The point is you guys are going to pay for hurting my poor little dog face.
Nick: Mrs. Kirkpatrick, may I say I've always liked Chris the most and that....
Kevin: You little liar, you hate Chris...Mrs... Kirkpatrick I'm the one who likes your son. We go to the same doctor for our Vigara...
AJ: Lies~! I'm friends with Chris Mrs Kirkpatrick, we're both freaks of nature~!
Howie: But I went to college with Chris...we used the same hotwax and we shared body glitter~!
Nick: Did not~!
Howie: Shut up Nick I'm not the one who calls him names~!
Nick: That was only behind his back~! Besides Hairy Chipmunk doesn't have to be a bad name, it could be like good or something~!
Kevin: Your full of shit Nick.
AJ: Kevin your the reason we're here~! I hope she kills you first~!
Kevin: Yo mom~!
AJ: Yo mom~!
Kevin: No...yo mom~!
Howie: Chris and I are old friends...we both know what it's like to be the ugly one in the group....
AJ and Kevin: Howie's mom~!
Howie: Mommie?!?
Nick: I want my mommie...
AJ: Yo mom is a hoochie~!
Nick: She is not~!
{The guys get into a huge fight, kicking and punching each other}
Kevin: {Pulling AJ's hair} I hope all your hair falls out you evil ghetto troll~!
AJ: {Grabbing Kevin's eyebrows} I'm going to pull your eyebrows off hair by hair~!
Nick: {Punching Howie in the head} Take that...that's what you get for eating my Twinkies Gary Coleman~!
Howie: {Crying} But my name is Howie and you ate the Twinkies....
{The guys are so into fighting with each other they don't notice the cage starting to rock back and forth}
Woman: Stop~! Your going to make the ceiling fall~!
Kevin: {Kicking Nick in the stomach} Why aren't you laughing Pillsbury Dough Boy? {Kicks Nick's stomach somemore} I thought you were suppose to laugh~!
Nick: I think I'm going to puke....
Woman: Oh no~! The celing~!
{Just then the ceiling falls in and the BsB, cage and all, fall also. The fall breaks open the door of the cage and the BsB crawl out}
Howie: {Looking at the cage which landed on the old woman} Oh...someone should tell her big flashy cages are out this season...
Kevin: She's dead?
AJ: Duh.
Nick: Yippie~! We're free~!
Kevin: But where's Brian?
Howie: Hey you guys...over here~!
{The guys join Howie over by a shed which is located behind the gingerbread house}
Kevin: Maybe Brian's in there~!
Nick: Or maybe lots of food~!
{Kevin kicks the door in and there they see Nsync tied and gagged}
Kevin: What the hell?
AJ: But...I don't get it.
Howie: {Ungages Justin} What's going on?
Justin: Yo it be bout times someone cames to help us~!
Kevin: Where's Brian?!?
Justin: You be slow you knows dat?
AJ: Just tell us where Brian is~!
Chris: He was the one who did this.
Nick: Nuh huh that was your mom...damn she was ugly~!
Chris: No it wasn't, I don't have a mom...I'm an alien.
{Everyone looks at Chris in shock}
Chris: I mean um...I'm adopted.
Nick: {Pouts} I'm so confused~!
Justin: Yo it be Brian who be tying us up~! He be makin me writes shit in his bible so you and da po po be thinkin it was us who be killin ya~!
Kevin: But why would my cousin do that to me?
Chris: Duh, cuz he wanted a solo career~!
AJ: We don't believe you.
Nick: {Calls to Kevin} Um Kevin...AJ? I think you want to see what Howie found...
{Kevin and AJ walk back to the cage to see Brian smashed under it}
Kevin But....
Howie: He was wearing this mask {Hold up the hideous mask Brian had been wearing}
Justin: Yo dat be whack...you guys need a new member?
Kevin: Huh?
Justin: Cuz you can be havin Lance...
Lance: What?!?
Joey: Yeah take the little douche bag, we don't want him.
Lance: I hate you guys...really hate you.
The End