"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Honk if you HAVEN'T slept with Clinton."
"You have the right to your own opinions. I just don't want to hear them."
"Stop talking, I'm out of aspirin."
"It's not easy Being perfect"
"Complaints about my driving?....Call 1-800-BITE-ME"
"If your name is Peanutbutter, I'm your best friend"
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
It's lonely at the top but you eat better.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
The more you complain the longer God lets you live.
Honk if you HAVEN'T slept with Clinton.
You have the right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.
If everything seems to be going your way, you have obviously overlooked something.
There cannot be a crisis today, my schedule is full.
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
Everything you know is wrong...but you can be straightened out.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Department of Redundancy Department.
If I want your opinion...I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
I am my car, my car is me. The car is hot, Don't you want to drive it?
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
I'd look on the bright side, if I could find it.
Life's a bitch...then you get slapped by one.
If you think everything is going well, then you obviously don't know where the hell you're going.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
According to my calculations...the problem doesn't exist.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you want.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Unless your a hemerroid...GET OFF MY ASS!!!
And your cry-baby, whiny assed opinion would be?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
I'm not tense....just terribly, terribly alert.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you have to catch up.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Borrow money from pessismists, they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
You might as well take all of me. The parts you want aren't removeable.
Relax. Only dread one day at a time.
There are two times I feel stress--day and night.
When I want your opinion, I will give it to you.
Remember, a kick in the ass is a step forward.
There are three types of men in this world. One type learns from books. One type learns from observation. And one had to urinate on the electric fence himself.
I don't make mistakes. One time I thought I did, but I was wrong.
What can you expect from a day that starts with waking up?
I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
It is not true that life is one damn thing after another, it is the same damn thing over and over.
Everybody I know, needs a complete personality overhaul.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest???
You are depriving some poor village of it's IDIOT.
Stop reading this and watch where you're driving.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Not only am I redundant and superfluous but I also tend to use more words then needed.
I am becoming increasingly worried that their isn't enough anxiety in my life.
Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator.
If there's one thing I hate...it's intolerance.
Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
Have a nice day, just don't do it near me.
Stop talking, I'm out of aspirin.
It's time to pull over and change the air in your head.
I hate everybody, and you're next.
Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
You! Off my planet!
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Earth is full. Go home!
It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.
We should forgive our enemies but only after they've been taken out and shot.
Lynch's law: When the going gets tough...everyone leaves.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.
The secret of success is sincerity, once you can fake that you've got it made.
I don't smile because I KNOW what's going on
Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!?
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
I'm visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
Ahhh. . . I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
It's been Monday all week.
Friends are God's apology for relatives.
If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing late.
If you don't find it in the Index, look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, he tells you.
Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me
This isn't my idea of a good time.
If you're not outraged you're not paying attention.
Politics - from the words "poly," meaning "many," and "ticks," as in "small, blood-sucking parasites
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
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Have Any Bumper Stickers for OUr Country Bumpkin? Send em on over!
