"Jesus is coming...look busy."
"You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever."
"Growing old is mandatory, growing UP is optional!"
"I-Rok!"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"Gotta be KID!"
If ignorance is bliss...you must be orgasmic
God created a few perfect people, the rest are righthanded.
Cute and definitely huggable....YES me!!!
Sex on the television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
Lord save me from your followers.
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
You can't fall off the floor.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
I'd explain it to you, but your head would explode.
Love is blind but like is just too freaked out to see straight.
I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.
I intend to live forever...so far, so good.
When all else fails...read the instructions.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
If things get any worse...I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
Follow your dreams...except for that one where you show up at school naked.
If life throws you a lemon...duck.
Televangelists: The prowrestlers of religion.
Life is a free circus...all you have to do is pay attention.
If you don't think God has a good sense of humor, take a good look around you.
If this was a logical world, men would ride side saddle.
What is Mind? Doesn't matter. What is matter? Nevermind.
If nobody's perfect...then I'm nobody.
Silence is golden...but shouting is fun.
Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
If you don't want to listen, then close your ears.
Heck was created for those who believe in Gosh.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
I wish I could live like Donald Duck, pants suck.
Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be out.
Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
I've found Jesus...he was behind the sofa the whole time.
The Bible was written by the same people that thought the earth was flat
Adults are just kids who owe money.
Do unto others...then run.
I put the "fun" in dysfunctional.
Always try to be modest and be DAMN proud of it.
Jesus is coming...and boy is he pissed.
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
I've had it with reality, now I want a Fairy God mother.
I don't get even....I get odder.
I heard everything you said except for what you are talking about.
Reality continues to ruin my life
There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I erased that line.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
If your parents never had children...chances are you won't either.
I filled out an application it said "In case of emergency notify?" I put "Doctor"...what's my mother going to do?
Those who judge others will burn in hell!
Profanity sucks!!!
The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.
Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty and the pig likes it.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings.
I can be immature if I want to, because I'm mature enough to make my own decisions.
I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
People who snore always fall asleep first.
The more people I meet the more I like my dog.
I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
Is it time for your medication or mine?
By the time you can make ends meet, they've moved the ends.
Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
You sound reasonable. . .Time to up my medication.
I'm out of my mind. . .but feel free to leave a message...
My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG it happened.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool."
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck
Wouldn't marathons be a lot more interesting if after the race started, hungry wild animals were released onto the course? Tigers would be fun.
I want patience, and I want it NOW!
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and someone yells, "Shut up!
I hope life isn't a big joke...Because I don't get it.
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I used to be disgusted now I'm just amused.
Illiterate? Write for help.
Jesus paid for our sins, now lets get our moneysworth.
HWJD: How would Jesus drive.
Life is tough, wear a helmet.
Boldly going nowhere.
If walking is good for you, why does my mail man look like Jabba the Hut?
Save the trees...wipe your butt with an owl.
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Give Us More Brian Bumper Stickers Please!
